Day 27

Dag 27

"Mixing Methods & Understanding "Standers"

“Meng Metodes en om “Staners” te Verstaan

What's wrong with saying "I'm Standing for my marriage"?

Wat is verkeerd daarmee om te sĂȘ “Ek staan vir my huwelik”  

Whenever we notice a woman has come to us after being involved in a stander's or "covenant" ministry, we are on high alert.

Wanneer ons agter kom dat ‘n vrou na ons toe gekom het nadat sy by ‘n staner of “gelofte” ministerie betrokke is is ons op ons hoede.  

First, there is nothing wrong with "standers" ministries! These ministries have had MANY restored marriages, so since the Lord led you there FIRST, we would like to encourage you to return there and completely embrace their doctrine.

Eerstens, daar is niks verkeerd met “staner” ministeries nie! Hierdie ministeries het BAIE herstelde huwelike gehad, so aangesien die Here jou EERSTE hiernatoe gelei het,  wil ons jou aanmoedig om hiernatoe terug te keer en die doktrine heeltemal omarm. 

We began encouraging women to return to the standers or covenant ministries and let go of ours, due to our concern for you—double-mindedness—when we began seeing some major consequences that only showed up with those who came by way of these other ministries. 

Ons het vrouens begin aanmoedig om na die staners ministeries terug te keer en om van ons sin te laat gaan, as gevolg van ons bekommernis vir jou—besluitloosheid—toe ons begin het om baie groot nagevolge gesien het met net die wat van hierdie ander ministeries gekom het.

Here is what God says about the dangers:

Hier is wat God sĂȘ oor die gevare:

“For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways”— James 1:7–8

“ So ‘n mens wat altyd aan die twyfel is is onbestendig in al sy doen en late, moet nie dink dat hy iets van die Here sal ontvang nie”— Jakobus 1:7-8

Though it might seem like a good idea to look around for as much help as you can find, think of it more like going to two different doctors: We all know that there are serious dangers if you begin taking two different medicines, prescribed by two different doctors, that are KNOWN, and have been PROVEN, to result in DANGEROUS side effects. This is true for applying the principles we teach versus the methods and teachings of covenant and standers ministries—they oppose one another and when mixed have long term consequences.

Alhoewel dit mag lyk soos ‘n goeie idee om rond te kyk vir soveel hulp as wat jy kan vind, dink meer daaraan as om na twee dokters toe te gaan: Ons almal weet dat daar ernstige gevare is as jy begin om twee verskillende medisyne te gebruik, voorgeskryf deur twee verskillende dokters, wat BEWYS is, om te resulteer in GEVAARLIKE newe effekte. Dit is waar wanneer die beginsels toegepas word wat ons onderrig versus die metodes en die onderrig van gelofte ministeries—hulle staan in teenstand met mekaar en wanneer dit gemeng word mag dit lang termyn nagevolge hĂȘ.

"To be honest, I only recently LET GO of ALL standers theology that I used to hold fast to before God began showing me that my mistake.  If you choose to continue mixing doctrine, you will NEVER see victory. So it is a good time to choose one ministry or the other, which means letting go of all other "spiritual food."  I will say that I KNOW this ministry is the path to life because I have gone down the others for years with no lasting results." ~ Helen in Louisiana. 

“Om eerlik te wees, ek het net onlangs van ALLE staners teologie LAAT GAAN waarin ek geglo het voor God my my fout gewys het. As jy verkies om voort te gaan om doktrine te meng, sal jy NOOIT die oorwinning sien nie. So dit is ‘n goeie tyd om die een ministerie bo die ander te kies, wat beteken jy moet van al die ander “spirituele kos” laat gaan. Ek wil sĂȘ dat ek WEET dat hierdie ministerie die pad na die lewe is omdat ek die pad saam ander vir jare en jare geloop het met geen resultate nie.” ~ Helen in Louisiana.

Here is a portion of a RESTORED MARRIAGE testimony submitted to us from a woman who had first come to us from a standers ministry, she said


Hier is ‘n deel van ‘n HERSTELDE HUWELIK getuienis wat aan ons ingedien is deur ‘n vrou wat eers na ons toe gekom het uit ‘n staners ministerie, sy het gesĂȘ... 

"...it was the RMI courses that taught me, taught me a lot, mostly not to try but to trust. How can I warn other women not to stand, not to hold on, but to let go? I want to save them from the pain I endured, facing so much hopelessness, so much humiliation, times I wanted to die. I came through very painful times, but coming here to RMI, finding my HH, God freed me, He humbled me, He forgave me and finally, I came to the place of no longer wanting my earthly husband as husband, I wanted the Lord as my Husband. That’s when everything changed.

“...dit was die RMI kursusse wat my geleer het, wat my baie geleer het, meestal om nie te probeer nie maar om te vertrou. Hoe kan ek ander vrouens waarsku om nie te staan nie, om nie aan te hou nie,maar om te laat gaan? Ek wil hulle red van die pyn wat ek verduur het, deur so baie hulpeloosheid in die gesig te staar, so baie vernedering, tye wat ek wou doodgaan. Ek het deur baie pynvolle tye gegaan, maar om hier om na RMI toe te kom, my HM te vind, het God my bevry, Hy het het my nederig gemaak, Hy het my vergewe en finaal, het ek op ‘n plek gekom waar ek nie meer my aardse man wou gehad as ‘n man nie, ek wou die Here as my Man gehad het. Dit is toe alles verander het.

To read the pain and why her restoration was so long, read Fits of Rage Came Over Me!

Om die pyn te lees en hoekom haar herstel so lank geneem het, lees Fits of Rage Came Over Me!

In this lesson we want to share some of the differences between being a stubborn stander, who as Micaela said, was spiritually arrogant. And being a woman of humility, walking along her journey with her HH.

In hierdie les wil ons oor  die verskille tussen ‘n moedswillige staner, wie soos Micaela gesĂȘ het, spiritueel arrogant was. En om ‘n vrou met nederigheid te wees, wat saam haar HM loop op haar reis.  

First, principle Micaela also experienced. Do you have a


Eerste,  beginsel wat Micaela ook ervaar het. Het jy ‘n ... 

Marriage Crisis or is it a Spiritual Crisis?

Huweliks Krisis of is dit ‘n Spirituele Krisis?

One way that our ministry is not like the "standers" ministries, is because we strongly believe that you are NOT in a marital crisis, but a spiritual crisis. We believe that your marriage crisis was allowed by God to bring about the changes He desires in YOU because God first begins with the heart of everything. The "heart" of the marriage being YOU!

Een manier wat ons ministerie nie soos die “staners” ministeries is nie, is omdat ons sterk glo dat jy NIE in ‘n huweliks krisis is nie, maar ‘n spirituele krisis. Ons glo dat jou huweliks krisis was toegelaat deur God om die veranderinge waarna Hy hunker in JOU teweeg te bring omdat God eerste met die hart van alles begin. Die “hart” van die huwelik wat JY is!  

Knowing this is the truth, we are very careful to never focus on or concentrate on our spouse's sin, but on our own.

Deur weet is dit is die waarheid, is ons baie versigtig om nooit te fokus of om te konsentreer op ons gade se sonde nie, maar op ons eie. 

By merely referring to your husband as a "prodigal" is like calling them names and labeling them as a "sinner." Hopefully, as you read through our books you found, as we did, that we had a lot to do with the condition of our marriage and why it collapsed.

Deur eenvoudig te verwys na jou man as die “verlore seun” is soos om hulle name te noem en hulle te merk as “sondaars.” Hopelik, soos jy deur ons boeke lees wat jy gevind het, soos wat ons het, dat ons baie te doen gehad het met die toestand van ons huwelik en hoekom dit ineen gestort het.

"As a 'stander' we focused on the sins of our spouses and how they were 'taken captive by the enemy.'  So we would gather weekly and do 'spiritual warfare' by praying in agreement and demanding that the devil 'release our captives.'" ~Helen

“As ‘n ‘staner’ het ons gefokus op die sondes van ons gades en hoe hulle deur die vyand ‘gevangene geneem is.’ So ons sou weekliks saamkom en ‘spirituele gevegte’ doen deur in oreenstemming te bid en te eis dat die duiwel ons ‘gevangenes bevry.’’’ ~ Helen   

True, adultery or abandonment is sin but so is contentiousness and anger. And what is worse is confessing the sins of someone else even when veiled in prayers.

Waar, owerspel of verlatenheid is sonde maar so is twisgierigheid en woede. En wat erger is is om oor die sondes van iemand anders te bely wanneer ons in gebed besluier is. 

"We, as women, are not built to be "warriors"!  It is the enemy's tactic to wear you out by "praying a hedge", "standing in the gap", and "claiming your covenant rights" to keep you from focusing on the Lord and your intimacy with Him.  Which, by the way, is the reason HE "removed lover and friend" in the first place. He wants to be first in your heart and life." ~ Helen

“Ons as vrouens, is nie gebou om “krygsmanne” te wees nie! Dit is die vyand se taktiek om jou uit te mergel deur te bid om “sy pad te versper met doringtakke” en jou “gelofte regte te eis” om jou weg te hou om op die Here en jou intimiteit met Hom te fokus. Wat, per slot van sake, die rede is hoekom HY die eerste plek   “my vriende en bure ver van my af laat staan” . Hy wil eerste in jou hart en lewe wees.” ~ Helen

Being discreet is another thing that we focus on a LOT in our ministry, which is the opposite of the standers doctrine.

Deur diskreet te wees is ‘n ander ding waarop ons BAIE in ons ministerie fokus, wat die teenoorgestelde is van die staners se doktrine.

Shhhhh!

If you go around confessing your husband's sins, asking for prayer for him, the Bible says he will never be healed. Look:

As jy rond gaan en jou man se sondes bely, en vir gebed vra vir hom, sĂȘ die Bybel hy sal nooit genees word nie. Kyk:

"Therefore, confess YOUR sins to one another, and pray for one another so that YOU may be healed” —James 5:16.

“Bely julle sondes eerlik teenoor mekaar en bid vir mekaar, sodat JY gesond kan word”

—Jakobus 5:16

“If we confess OUR sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive US OUR sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”—1 John 1:9 

“Maar as ons ons sondes bely - Hy is getrou en regverdig, Hy vergewe ons ons sondes en reinig ons van alle ongeregtigheid” — 1 Johannes 1:9

As you read in the Restore Your Marriage book, too many misunderstand this verse and instead confess their husband’s sins. The verse says that we are to confess OUR sins, not another person's sins "for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret"—Ephesians 5:12

Soos wat jy gelees het in die Herstel Jou Huwelik boek, te veel misverstaan hierdie verse en in plaas daarvan bely hulle mans se sondes. Die verse sĂȘ dat ons ONS sondes moet bely, nie ‘n ander persoon se sondes nie “ Dit is ‘n skande om selfs te praat oor die dinge wat die ongehoorsame mense in die geheim doen”—EfesiĂ«rs 5:12

Healing occurs for us (or someone else) by the act of CONFESSING, which is why CONFRONTING someone in sin also undermines a man or women from turning from his/her sinful path. One way for a man to assure that a person REMAINS in his/her sin, besides never having had an opportunity to confess (since you've told everyone), is because as soon as sin is out in the open—sin is much, much easier to continue with once it's been exposed!

Genesing vind plaas vir ons (of enige iemand anders) deur die daad van BELYDING, wat die rede is hoekom om iemand te KONFRONTEER in sonde ook die man of vrou ondermyn om van sy sondigheid af weg te draai. Een manier vir ‘n man om te verseker dat ‘n persoon in sy sonde BLY, buiten om nooit ‘n geleentheid te gehad het om te bieg nie (aangesien jy almal vertel het), is omdat sodra die sonde uit is — is die sonde baie, baie makliker om mee voort te gaan wanneer dit blootgestel is!   

 A Personal Testimony by Erin

‘n Persoonlike Getuienis deur Erin

By the grace of God I kept my husband's sin a secret, even from his own family. When they finally found out, it was he who told them. All along, to my dismay [dismay is causing someone to feel anxiety and distress], they seemed to accept his decision to abandon us and his relationship with the other woman when we were still legally married.

Deur die genade van God het ek my man se sonde ‘n geheim gehou, selfs van sy eie familie. Toe hulle finaal uitgevind het, was dit hy wat hulle vertel het. Die hele tyd, tot my onthusting [onthusting is om te veroorsaak dat iemand angs en benoud voel], lyk hulle asof hulle die besluit om ons te verlaat en die verhouding met die ander vrou te aanvaar terwyl hulle nog steeds wettig getroud is.  

However, as always, God honored me when I followed His principles and trusted Him with what was happening. Due solely to my discretion, God used his family's disloyalty to me to move on my behalf!

Nietemin, soos altyd, het God my vereer toe ek Sy prinsiepe volg en op Hom vertrou het met wat besig was om te gebeur. Uitsluitlik as gevolg van my diskresie, God het sy familie se dislojaliteit gebruik om om my onthalwe te beweeg!

One person, my husband couldn't bring himself to tell was his grandmother. He knew how she would probably react, so everyone kept it from her. I didn't tell her for a different reason, I wasn't in on their decision, but had done so because of what the Lord had shown me in His Word, about discretion and covering the nakedness of someone who was in sin.

Een persoon, my man kon homself nie bring om te vertel was sy ouma. Hy het geweet hoe sy moontlik sou reageer, so almal het dit van haar af weg gehou. Ek het haar nie vertel vir ‘n ander rede, ek was nie in op hulle besluit nie, maar het dit gedoen omdat die Here my in Sy Woord gewys het, oor diskresie en om die naaktheid van iemand wat in sonde wat te bedek. 

God rewarded me beyond my imagination!!

God het my beloon vir my verbeelding!! 

What turned my husband back to me was the reaction of his grandmother! He decided it was time to tell his grandmother since he had planned to marry the other woman. So he drove her up to meet his family, and then he took his grandmother out to lunch to tell her. Before he could finish, she stopped eating and told him to take her home! With her hands trembling (my husband told me later) she then said that he had broken her heart. That I was her granddaughter just as much as he was her grandson AND TO NEVER BRING THAT WOMAN INTO HER HOUSE.... meaning the other woman he had brought three states away to meet all of them.

Wat my man teruggekeer het na my toe was die reaksie van sy ouma! Hy het besluit dit was tyd om sy ouma te vertel aangesien hy beplan het om met die ander vrou te trou. So hy het opgery met haar om sy familie te ontmoet, en toe sy ouma uitgeneem vir middagete om haar te vertel. Voordat hy kon klaarmaak, het sy opgehou om te eet en hom gesĂȘ om haar huis toe te neem! Met haar hande wat gebewe het (my man het my later vertel) het sy toe gesĂȘ dat hy haar hart gebreek het. Dat ek haar kleindogter was net soveel soos wat hy haar kleinseun was EN OM NOOIT DAARDIE VROU IN HAAR HUIS TE BRING NIE...bedoelende die ander vrou wat hy oor drie state gebring het om hulle almal te ontmoet.    

After that, when he would call her, she would tell him, "You go home!" And not too long afterward, he did. Later he told me all of this. I had no idea of any of it until after we were restored. My husband told me, she also told him when they spoke on the phone, that she was no longer able to sleep, so she would get out of bed several times a day to PRAY for him to go back home! My husband said the vision of her with her arthritic knees on her hardwood floor would eat away at him!

Na dit, wanneer hy haar geskakel het, het sy vir hom gesĂȘ, “Gaan huis toe!” En nie lank daarna nie, het hy. Later het hy my alles hiervan vertel. Ek het geen idee oor enige iets gehad tot na ek herstel is. My man het my vertel, sy het hom ook gesĂȘ toe hulle gepraat het oor die telefoon, dat sy nie meer kon slaap nie, so sy het verskeie kere gedurende die dag uit die bed uit geklim om te BID vir hom om terug te gaan huis toe! My man het gesĂȘ dat die visioen van haar met haar artiristiese knieĂ« op haar hardehout vloere het hom verteer!    

I never asked her (or anyone to pray), but God was the One who prompted the right person to pray at the right time and in the right way! Had my restoration happened any sooner than it did, I would not have had enough of the Lord to permanently change ME and I know for a fact that the other woman (and other women in general) would not have gotten out of my husband's system either.

Ek het haar nooit gevra (of enige iemand om te bid nie), maar God was die Een wat my aangemoedig het om op die regte tyd en op die regte manier te bid! Het my herstel vroeĂ«r gebeur as wat dit het, sou ek nie genoeg van die Here gehad het om MY permanent te verander nie en ek weet vir ‘n feit dat die ander vrou (ander vrouens in die algemeen) sou ook nie uit my man se sisteem geraak het nie. 

Had I uncovered this in my timing with anyone, I know it would not have turned out this way. And not only that, but my husband would have blamed ME for his grandmother's reaction instead of taking on the full responsibility for it.

Het ek dit in my tydsberekening met enige iemand onthul, weet ek dit sou nie op hierdie manier uitgewerk het nie, maar my man sou MY blameer het vir sy ouma se reaksie in plaas daarvan om volle verantwoordelikheid daarvoor te neem. 

KEEP it PRIVATE

HOU DIT PRIVAAT

In addition, unlike the standers ministry doctrine, we are very clear that you should not only keep your husband's sins quiet (allowing him to do the confessing) but also that you should never tell anyone about your desire to restore your marriage. The Bible says, "discretion will guard you." Your desire for your marriage to be restored should NOT be made public. Instead, make it a "prayer closet" matter, then watch God "reward you openly!"

Ter aanvulling, anders as die staners ministerie doktrine, is ons baie duidelik dat jy nie net jou man se  sondes moet stil hou nie (en hom toelaat om die belyding te doen) maar ook dat jy nooit enige iemand moet vertel oor jou begeerte om jou huwelik te herstel nie. Die Bybel sĂȘ, “diskresie sal jou beskerm.” Jou begeerte vir jou huweik om herstel te word moet NIE geopenbaar word nie. In plaas daarvan, maak dit ‘n “gebeds hoekie” saak, en kyk hoe God jou “openlik sal beloon!”    

"But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you"—Matthew 6:6

“Nee as jy bid, gaan na jou kamer toe, maak die deur toe en bid tot jou Vader wat jy nie kan sien nie. Jou Vader wat sien wat verbonde is, sal jou beloon” —Matteus 6:6 

So many Christians believe that unless there are countless others praying FOR you, getting your name on prayer lists around the world, that God will not hear your prayers. This is simply not true. I had no one praying for me, interestingly, I really don't remember my first ePartner and I praying for each other! I believe that all began when other women began coming to our fellowship meetings who actually demanded people pray for them!

So baie Christene glo dat tensy daar ontelbare ander is wat VIR jou bid, en jou naam op gebeds lyste rondom die wĂȘreld sit, dat God nie jou gebede sal hoor nie. Dit is eenvoudig nie waar nie. Ek het niemand gehad wat vir my gebid het nie, interessant, ek kan regtig nie onthou dat my eerste e-Vennoot en ek vir mekaar gebid het nie! Ek glo dit het alles begin toe ander vrouens na ons fellowship vergaderings begin kom het wat eintlik vereis het dat mense vir hulle bid! 

Later when I was a much more mature Christian, when women would run me down in the hallways in our mega church to ask me to add her to my prayer list, I would grab her hands and pray right there for her. Then I would tell her that the Lord would really like HER to speak to Him privately about it, and begin doing so in her prayer closet, quoting the verse above. I knew I was not the "only" person she was asking and I knew that this meant that not ALL the others would pray His will but insert many of their own concerns based on their knowledge of marriage, divorce, etc.—which we all know is not accurate—therefore it was doing more damage than good.

Later toe ek meer van ‘n volwasse Christen was, wanneer vrouens my agterna gesit het in die gange in ons mega kerk om te vra om haar op my gebeds lys te plaas, sou ek haar hande gryp en daar en dan vir haar bid. Dan sou ek haar vertel dat die Here daarvan sal hou dat SY in privaat met Hom moet praat daaroor, en om dit in haar gebeds hoekie te begin doen, en die vers bo gekwoteer. Ek het geweet ek was nie die “enigste” persoon vir wie sy gevra het nie en ek het geweet dat dit beteken het dat nie AL die ander sou Sy wil bid nie maar baie van hulle eie bekommernis inplaas gebaseer op hulle kennis van die huwelik, egskeiding, ens.—wat ons almal weet is nie akkuraat nie—daarom het dit meer skade as goed gedoen.  

Also, who of us hasn't been guilty of speaking to OTHERS much more than we speak to GOD about things?!?! To your prayer closet ladies!!! 

Ook, wie van ons is nie skuldig daaraan om met ANDER te praat baie meer as wat ons met GOD praat oor dinge!?!?! Aan julle gebeds hoekie dames!!! 

A Personal Testimony by Erin

‘n Persoonlike Getuienis deur Erin

In the beginning of my Restoration Journey, I was doing really well not sharing my desires about wanting my husband back. But then I made the fatal mistake that got back to the other woman, which then, got back to my husband. Even though my husband had no desire to divorce me, once the word was out, I became a threat to the other woman, so she ended up pressing him and even paying for the divorce herself! 

In die begin van my Herstel Reis, het ek regtig goed gedoen deur nie my begeertes oor dat ek my man terug wou gehad het te deel nie. Maar toe maak ek die fatale fout wat terug gekom het by die ander vrou, wat toe, teruggekom het na my man toe. Alhoewel my man geen begeerte gehad het om my te skei nie, toe die woord uit was, het ek ‘n bedreiging vir die ander vrou geword, so sy het opgeindig om druk op hom te plaas en het sy selfs vir die egskeiding betaal!

Thankfully, I was able to repent to God when I learned the mistake I had made, and then made it my goal to fully let go and pursue the Lord. What a change it made! My husband was sorry for divorcing me and soon asked me to marry him again until we found out the divorce was invalid.

Dankbaar, was ek in staat om aan God te bieg toe ek geleer het van die fout wat ek begaan het, en het dit my doel gemaak om totaal te laat gaan en die Here na te streef. Wat ‘n verandering het dit gemaak! My man was jammer dat hy my geskei het en het gou daarna vir my gevra om weer met hom te trou totdat ons uitgevind het die egskeiding was ongeldig. 

"They have sunk down in the pit which they have made; In the net which they hid, their own foot has been caught"—Psalm 9:15

“Die nasies het in die gat geval wat hulle gegrawe het, hulle voete is vasgevang in die net wat hulle gespan het” —Psalm 9:15

Since I had not willfully done the wrong thing by letting people know (I didn't know it was wrong because I was told by another church member that it was the right thing to do), I know God forgave me, because He could see that my relationship with Him was more important than having my husband back.

Aangesien ek nie moedswillig die verkeerde ding gedoen het deur mense te laat weet nie (ek het nie geweet dit is verkeerd omdat ek deur ‘n ander kerk lid vertel was dat dit die regte ding is om te doen), ek weet God het my vergewe, omdat Hy kon sien dat my verhouding met Hom meer belangrik was as om my man terug te hĂȘ.

The same is true for you. If you've told others about your desire, or if you've confessed your husband's sins—repent, which literally means "turn around" and head the other way! Repentance does not mean "saying" or just "being" sorry. That type of "repentance" turns into a repeat offender— repenting and repenting the same thing over and over. Instead, repent once and turn to the Lord! Head in His direction, pursuing Him!!

Dieselfde is waar vir jou. As jy vir ander vertel het oor jou begeerte, of jy oor jou man se sondes gebieg het—kom tot inkeer, wat letterlik beteken “draai om” en gaan in die ander rigting! Om tot inkeer te kom beteken nie net om te “sĂȘ” of net om jammer te “wees”. Die soort van “inkeer” ontaard in ‘n herhaalde oortrede — om oor en oor tot inkeer te kom. In plaas daarvan, kom een keer tot inkeer en draai na die Here toe! Gaan in Sy rigting, jaag Hom na!!  

Read this amazing RESTORED Marriage Testimony to be inspired. Our Marriage was Defeated Soon after it Began

Lees hierdie ongelooflike HERSTELDE Huweliks Getuienis om geinspireer te wees. Ons Huwelik was Verslaan Spoedig na dit Begin het. 

Standing

Staan

One term we look for in our questionnaires is the term many women use. They say something like "I am standing for my marriage." But first, are you wondering why we still search for a term like "standing" when we come right out and ask if you are part of another ministry?

Een bewoording wat ons in ons vraestelle voor soek is die bewoording wat baie vrouens gebruik. Hulle sĂȘ iets soos “ek staan vir my huwelik.” Maar eers, wonder jy nog hoekom ons nog steeds soek vir  bewoording soos “staan” wanneer ons reguit vra of jy deel is van ‘n ander ministerie?

The reason is, like a doctor, we search deep into what our spiritual patients tell us, and don't tell us! Believe it or not, we find so often (it's shocking) that the majority of questionnaires are not filled out, either honestly, or accurately! And when this happens, we can easily be missing things that would be a red flag if we knew about them and were able to help our client/patient.

Die rede is, soos ‘n dokter, delf ons diep in wat ons spirituele pasiĂ«nte ons vertel, en nie vertel nie! Glo dit of nie, ons vind dit so dikwels (dit is skokkend) dat die meerderheid van ons vraestelle nie ingevul word eerder eerlik, of akkuraat! En wanneer dit gebeur, kan ons maklik dinge mis wat ‘n rooi vlag sou wees as ons van hulle geweet het en ons in staat was om ons klient/pasiĂ«nt te help.  

For instance, another teaching of the covenant ministries is saying "in faith" they are married when they are separated or divorced or their husband has remarried. Though in theory this sounds pretty good, since they are speaking it "in faith" and also due to there being a "covenant" with God when they married. Unfortunately, truth always needs to be backed up, not contradicted, by Scripture and the Bible says, "the truth will make you free”—John 8:32 

By voorbeeld, ‘n ander onderrig van die gelofte ministeries is om te sĂȘ “in geloof” is hulle getroud wanneer hulle uitmekaar of geskei is of hulle mans weer getroud is. Alhoewel in teorie klink dit nogal goed, aangesien hulle “in geloof” praat en ook omdat daar ‘n “gelofte” met God is wanneer hulle getroud is. Ongelukkig, moet die waarheid altyd ondersteun word, nie weerspreek word nie, deur Die Heilige Skrif en die Bybel sĂȘ, “die waarheid sal jou vry maak”—Johannes 8:32 

The other way is to see the dangerous fruits of this type of theology. To explain this, let me share another part of some of Helen's ministry she is using to minister to her clients.

Die ander manier is om die gevaarlike vrugte van hierdie soort teologie te sien. Om dit te verduidelik, laat my nog ‘n deel van Helen se ministerie deel wat sy gebruik om aan haar kliente te minister.

"Even though I found RMI, I was still praying with a prayer partner who was still feeding off of the stander’s ministries. Because I was mixing doctrine, I saw some movement when the Lord broke me after reading the RYM book, but because I was in spiritual adultery, double-minded and refused to “let go” when the Lord brought my FH around, I ran him off again.

“Alhoewel ek RMI gevind het, was ek nog steeds besig om met ‘n gebeds vennoot te bid wie nog steeds voeding van die staner ministeries ontvang het. Omdat ek doktrine gemeng het, ek het beweging gesien toe die Here my gebreek het nadat ek die HJH boek gelees het, omdat ek in spirituele owerspel verkeer het, besluitloos en geweier het om te “laat gaan” toe die Here my VM omgebring het, het ek hom weer verjaag.

I was pursuing (both outwardly and in my heart) and I was always available, even to the point of becoming intimate after hearing a tape on “Sex and the Stander” which my prayer partner sent me. This teaching was based on the “covenant of marriage” and that you were still “married in the spirit” and encouraged sex with your ex-spouse.

Ek was besig om (uiterlik en in my hart)  agterna te sit en was altyd beskikbaar, selfs tot die punt om intiem te wees nadat ek die opname oor “Seks en die Staner” gehoor het en dat jy nog steeds “in die gees getroud was” en aangemoedig was om seks met jou eks-gade te hĂȘ.

Although RMI principles were completely against this, I chose the fleshly, wide road to destruction and couldn’t resist when my FH showed up in the middle of the night saying “I’ve been drawn here” and that “he got it.” This only led me to being used and dumped again. That’s when I finally surrendered completely to what Erin told me 2 years ago which was to “let go and move on, pursuing the Lord as my Husband!” And the more I pursue Him, the more PEACE I am experiencing! ~ Helen

Alhoewel RMI se beginsels heeltemal hierteen was, het ek die vleeslike, wye pad na verwoesting gekies en kon dit nie weerstaan toe my VM in die middel van die nag opgedaag het en gesĂȘ het “ek is hiernatoe aangedryf” en dat “hy dit kry.” Dit het net daartoe gelei dat hy my gebruik het en weer weggegooi het. Dit is toe wat ek finaal afstand gedoen het van wat Erin my 2 jare terug vertel het om “te laat gaan en aan te beweeg, die Here na te streef as my Man!” En hoe meer ek Hom nagestreef het, hoe meer VREDE ervaar ek! ~ Helen   

"Standing" is a term our ministry began not using any more, though it is referred to in our main book, only because the term "standing" is used by those who "stand in the way" of their spouse. Even after their spouse has made it perfectly clear that it is his/her desire to leave them, divorce them and/or be with someone else, they stand in their way, which is completely and totally contrary to what the Bible says!!

“Staan” is ‘n bewoording wat ons ministerie begin het om nie meer te gebruik nie, alhoewel daarna verwys is in ons hoof boek, net omdat die bewoording “staan’ gebruik word deur die wat “in die pad staan” van hulle gade. Selfs na die gade dit heeltemal duidelik gemaak het dat dit sy/haar begeerte is om hulle te los, te skei en/of om saam iemand anders te wees, hulle staan in hulle pad, wat heeltemal en totaal teenstrydig is oor wat die Bybel sĂȘ!!   

Why would anyone want to get out of the way of someone who is clearly headed for sin?!?!?

Hoekom sou enige iemand uit die pad kom van iemand wat duidelik oppad is om te sondig!?!?!

Because the opposite teaching is found in the Bible! Therefore "standing in the way of a sinner" is NOT Biblical:

Omdat die teenoorgestelde onderrig word in die Bybel gevind! Daarom “om in die pad van ‘n sondaar te staan” is NIE Biblies nie: 

"How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor STAND IN THE WAY of sinners...! But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night"—Psalm 1:1-2

“Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van goddeloses volg nie, nie met sondaars omgaan en met ligsinniges saamspan nie, maar wat in die woord van die Here sy vreugde vind, dit dag en nag oordink”—Psalm 1:1-2

 "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, LET HIM LEAVE; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to PEACE"—1 Corinthians 7:15

“As die ongelowige egter wil skei, laat hom skei. In sulke gevalle is die gelowige man of vrou nie gebind nie. God het julle geroep om in VREDE te lewe”— 1 KorintiĂ«rs 7:15

Confirming this verse, we have another verse that clearly says, “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison”—Matthew 5:25 NKJV

Om hierdie vers te bevestig, het ons ‘n ander vers wat duidelik sĂȘ, “As iemand ‘n regsaak teen jou begin, kom betyds tot ‘n skikking solank jy nog saam hom op pad hof toe is, sodat hy jou nie voor die regter bring en die regter jou aan die polisie oorgee en diĂ© jou in die tronk sit nie”—Matteus 5:25 

To confirm this you have the next verse:

Om dit te bevestig het jy die volgende verse:

"Jesus said soon at the end of His beatitudes: “But I say to you, do NOT resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two”—Matthew 5:39–41

“Jesus het gou aan die einde van Sy Saligsprekene gesĂȘ: Maar Ek sĂȘ vir julle; Julle moet julle nie teen ‘n kwaadwillige mens verset nie. As iemand jou op die regterwang slaan, draai ook die ander wang na hom toe. As iemand jou hof toe wil vat om jou onderklere te eis, gee hom ook jou boklere. As iemand jou dwing om sy goed een kilometer ver te dra, dra dit vir hom twee kilometer”—Matteus 5:39-41

This is not what a standers ministry advocates—nothing even close.

Dit is nie wat staners ministeries advokeer nie—nie eens naby nie. 

We, however, STRONGLY BELIEVE and teach that a spouse should KNOW (be told and shown by your actions and attitude) that they are FREE to leave—no strings attached! No heart strings either!!

Ons, nietemin, GLO STERK en leer dat ‘n gade behoort te WEET (gesĂȘ word en gewys deur jou optrede en houding) dat hulle VRY is om te gaan—geen snare aangeheg nie! Geen hartsnare ook nie!! 

How do we know this is Biblical? Not only do we have the verses, we have the example of the father in the parable of the prodigal son who also displayed this type of “letting go.” As a matter of fact, read for yourself that the father actually helped his son pursue evil by giving him his inheritance early!!

Hoe weet ons dit is Bybels? Nie net het ons die verse nie, ons het ‘n voorbeeld van die vader in die gelykenis van die verlore seun wat ook ‘n soort van “laat gaan” uitgebeeld het. Om die waarheid te sĂȘ, lees vir jouself dat die vader eintlik sy seun gehelp het om die bose na te sit deur hom sy erfenis vroeg te gee.

Why?

Hoekom?

Because God knows that as long as someone stands in their way, the more and the stronger they will pursue that evil in their heart. And secondly, because if they are never allowed to get to what they "think" they want, what they truly "believe" will make them happy, they will never, ever find that sin is nothing but a pigsty! No one can tell someone this—a person must experience that stench for themselves. This is what made the prodigal son and your husband and you and every other person you know— want to RUN and RETURN to their heavenly Father in repentance!!

Omdat God weet dat solank as iemand in hulle pad staan, hoe meer en sterker hulle die boosheid in hulle harte sal wil agterna sit. En tweedens, omdat as hulle nooit toegelaat word om te kry wat hulle “dink” hulle wil hĂȘ nie, wat hulle werklik “glo” sal hulle gelukkig maak, sal hulle nooit, ooit vind dat sonde ‘n varkhok is nie! Niemand kan iemand dit vertel nie—’n persoon moet die stank vir hulleself ervaar. Dit is wat gemaak het dat die verlore seun en jou man en jy en elke ander persoon wat jy ken—wil HARDLOOP en na hulle hemelse Vader in berou TERUGKEER!! 

Also, we strongly believe that when a spouse is allowed to leave that they are never, ever pursued (outwardly or inwardly) once they leave. We know that the Father was ready to wrap a robe around his son, put a ring on his finger and kill the fatted calf, but only when his son FREELY returned with repentance on his.

Ook, ons glo sterk dat wanneer ‘n gade toegelaat word om te loop dat hulle nooit, ooit agterna gesit moet word (uiterlik of innerlik) sodra hulle loop nie. Ons weet dat die Vader gereed was om ‘n manel om sy seun te sit, ‘n ring op sy vinger en die gemeste kalf te slag, maar eers toe sy seun VRYLIK teruggekeer het met bekering. 

We've heard that covenant-based ministries encourage writing cards, calling, and many other ways to "win" their spouse back. But I guarantee this almost always builds what we term a "HATE-WALL" that the one who leaves feels they are forced to build (tall and wide) in order to stop the pursuer!

Ons het gehoor dat die gelofte-gebaseerde ministeries ons aanmoedig deur kaarte te skryf, te bel, en baie ander maniere om hulle gades terug te “wen”. Maar ek waarborg dat dit amper altyd wat ons bewoord ‘n “HAAT - MUUR” bou wat die een wat loop voel hulle geforseer is om te bou (lank en wyd) in orde om die agtervolger te stop! 

 A Personal Testimony by Erin

‘n Persoonlike Getuienis deur Erin 

During my two years of believing God for my restoration, the Lord showed me that I was in a spiritual war. As I began thinking of my trials and tests in this way, I made a decision to keep my thoughts and God's leading to myself. I never told my husband (who had left me and was living with the other woman) that I was "standing" for him (or "believing" he would return) because I knew that it would have driven him into marrying the other woman! And as I shared earlier, I tripped very close to the end of my Restoration Journey by letting the OW know, which got back to my husband, which then led to his filing for divorce. Thankfully I knew this verse too:

Gedurende die twee jaar wat ek God geglo het vir my herstel, het die Here my gewys dat ek in ‘n spirituele stryd betrokke was. Soos wat ek oor my beproewings op hierdie manier gedink het, het ek ‘n besluit gemaak om my gedagtes en God se leiding vir myself te hou. Ek het nooit my man vertel nie (wat my gelos het en saam die ander vrou gebly het) dat ek vir hom “staan’ nie (of “glo” dat hy sou terugkom) omdat ek geweet het dit hom sou gedryf het om met die ander vrou te trou! En soos wat ek vroeĂ«r gedeel het, ek het baie na aan die einde van my Herstel Reis gestruikel deur die AV te laat weet, wat teruggekom het na my man toe, wat gelei het dat hy ‘n egskeiding aanhanig gemaak het. Dankbaar het ek hierdie vers ook geken:

"For a righteous falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity"—Proverbs 24:16. I knew I had to get up and turn toward the Lord totally and completely AND that in the "time of calamity" the other woman would stumble and never rise (in my husband's or my life) again.

“Al val die regverdige hoeveel keer, hy staan weer op, maar die godeloses word deur rampe vernietig”—Spreuke 24:16. Ek het geweet dat ek moes opstaan en totaal en heeltemal na die Here keer EN dat in die tyd van rampspoed die ander vrou sou struikel en nooit weer opstaan nie (in my of my man se lewe weer nie.  

Let's be real, every one of us hates to be manipulated or coerced or forced against our will. Early on I could see that the Lord kept encouraging me to let my husband go, more and more, as it says in all those verses above AND especially by reading the parable of the prodigal who was allowed to leave and was not pursued by his father once he left.

Kom ons wees eg, elkeen haat om gemanipuleer of afgedwing te word teen ons wil. VroeĂ«r kon ek sien dat die Here aangehou het om my aan te moedig om my man te laat gaan, meer en meer, soos wat dit sĂȘ in al daardie verse bo EN spesiaal deur die gelykenis van die verlore seun wat toegelaat was om te loop en nie agterna gesit was deur sy vader toe hy weg is nie. 

The main reason for my marriage crumbling was to allow the Lord to totally and completely transform ME, which is why I am so very glad and thankful it didn't happen one second sooner than it did. The truth is I could have used more transforming and would cherish much more time to have been alone with the Lord!

Die hoof rede dat my huwelik in duie gestort het was om die Here totaal en heeltemal toe te laat om MY heeltemal te transformeer, wat die rede is dat ek so bly en dankbaar is dit het nie ‘n sekonde vroeĂ«r gebeur as wat dit het nie. Die waarheid is ek kon meer transformasie gebruik het en sou meer tyd om saam die Here te wees gekoester het!

Once I fully let go, the Lord led me to use my pursuit of my marriage and husband to pursue Him—the Lord. And that's when my face became radiant, as it says in Psalm 34:5, "They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed." My husband actually got jealous because he thought I was involved with someone else!

Toe ek finaal laat gaan, het die Here my gelei om die najaging van my huwelik en man te gebruik om Hom na te jaag—die Here. En dit is toe wat my gesig gestraal het, soos wat dit in Psalm 35:5 sĂȘ, DiĂ© wat swaar kry sien op na Hom en straal van blydskap, hulle word nie teleurgestel in hulle verwagting nie.” My man het eintlik jaloers geword omdat hy gedink het ek was by iemand anders betrokke!  

It wasn't only the new ME he saw that made him suspicious, but because I was pursuing the Lord, I wasn't hanging around our townhouse as I once had been, and was often busy when he said he was coming by, which began to become more frequently.

Dit was nie net die nuwe EK wat hy gesien het wat hom verdag gemaak het nie, maar omdat ek die Here agterna gesit het, was ek nie besig om by ons stadshuis rond te hang soos wat ek in die verlede gedoen het nie, en was dikwels besig wanneer hy gesĂȘ het hy sou omkom, wat begin het om baie meer gereeld te word. 

What a change from the pathetic woman who would follow him around and want to spend time with him, dropping everything to just be with him. Back then he would simply be mean and hateful and reject me. He would stand me up and change his plans at the last minute.

Wat ‘n verandering van die patetiese vrou wat hom sou rond volg en tyd saam hom spandeer, alles los net om saam hom te wees. Destyds was hy eenvoudig gemeen en haatvol en het hy my verwerp. Hy sou die afspraak met my nie nakom nie en sy planne op die laaste minuut verander.  

"By following the standers suggestions of pursuing my husband who was clear that he didn't want me, all that happened is that I ended up frustrated and worn out. NOT ONE of the ladies (I prayed with) saw their situations budge. In fact, I was on a "full-on" pursuit wi th my professions of "standing for our marriage" and "undying love for my husband."

“Deur die staners se voorstelle om my man na te jaag te volg was duidelik dat hy my nie wou gehad het nie, al wat gebeur het was dat ek gefrustreer en uitgemergel geword het. NIE EEN van die dames (saam wie ek gebid het) het enige verandering in hulle situasie gesien nie. Die feit is, ek was op ‘n “volskaalse” agternasit met my professies van “staan vir ons huwelik” en “onsterflike liefde vir my man.”   

This only made him think of me as a pathetic and obsessive, especially when he caught me driving by his house to check on him to see who was there! The more I pursued, the more he pursued other women!

Dit het hom net laat dink aan my as pateties en obsederende, spesiaal wanneer hy my gevang het verby sy huis ry om te sien wie daar was! Hoe meer ek hom agterna gesit het, hoe meer het hy ander vrouens agterna gesit!

It was ONLY when I prayed for WISDOM that I found RMIEW! I ordered the RYM book and read it in one night!!! I began applying the principles and my situation began to change quickly. But because I had looked into my husband's business, I had to endure a GREAT test as his latest girlfriend was paraded in front of me almost weekly during baseball season! It was only the "joy of the Lord" that helped me keep my composure under that attack. Later I found out that he was planning to move her into his house!  But because I kept my mouth shut and had stopped pursuing, they finally broke up." ~Helen

Dit was NET toe ek gebid het vir wysheid dat ek RMIEW gevind het! Ek het die HJH boek bestel en dit binne een aand gelees!!! Ek het begin om die beginsels toe te pas en my situasie het vinnig begin verander. Maar omdat ek in my man se besigheid gekyk het, moes ek ‘n GROOT toets verduur want sy laaste meisie wat voor my geparadeer amper weekliks gedurende bofbal seisoen! Dit was net die “vreugde van die Here” wat my gehelp het om my bedaardheid te hou onder daardie aanval. Later het ek uitgevind dat hy beplan het om haar by hom te laat intrek! Maar omdat ek my mond toe gehou het en opgehou het om hom na te sit, het hulle finaal opgebreek.”

~ Helen

If I had been playing a game, just a new way to get him back, I know it would have backfired and blown up in my face—making my situation worse, maybe unbearable and I would have given up. Not only can men sense when they are being manipulated or when a woman "says" she is not interested or is moving on and she isn't, but what's MORE important is that the LORD can see and is hurt by your unfaithfulness to HIM!

As ek besig was om ‘n speletjie te speel, net ‘n nuwe manier om hom terug te kry, weet ek dit sou dit terug geslaan het en in my gesig opgeblaas het—en my situasie erger gemaak het, miskien ondraagbaar en ek sou opgegee het. Nie net kan ‘n man sin wanneer hulle deur ‘n vrou gemanipuleer word nie of wanneer ‘n vrou “sĂȘ” sy is nie geinteresseerd of gaan aan beweeg en sy doen dit nie, maar wat MEER belangrik is is dat die HERE kan sien en is seergemaak deur jou ontrouheid aan HOM!  

Don't make some big statement that you are letting go, and then find yourself doing the same things as you have been doing. Instead, make sure the changes in you are real. The change in me was real and needed to be real—and it needs to be real in your life too.

Moet nie een of ander groot verklaring maak dat jy gaan laat gaan nie, en dan vind jy jouself dieselfde dinge doen as wat jy besig was om te doen. In plaas daarvan, maak seker die veranderings is eg. Die veranderings in my was eg en het nodig gehad om eg te wees—en dit moet ook eg wees in jou lewe.   

Very soon I became someone he wanted to hang around, and because I was too busy for him, he began pursuing me even more. Had my heart turned back, I know his heart would have turned back to the OW.

Baie vinnig het ek iemand geword waarmee hy wou rondhang, en omdat ek te besig was vir hom, het hy my meer en meer agterna gesit. Het my hart omgekeer, weet ek sy hart sou omgekeer het na die AV toe.

"You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out. 18 You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness"—Psalm 88:8, 18

“U laat my bekendes ver van my af staan en maak my vir hulle iets afskuweliks; ek sit vasgevang en kan nie uitkom nie. 19 U laat my vriende en my bure ver van my af staan, die duisternis van die dood is my geselskap”—Psalm 88:9,19

WHY did He do that?

HOEKOM het Hy dit gedoen?

"But I have this against you, that you have left your first love"—Revelation 2:4

“Maar Ek het dít teen julle: Julle het My nie meer lief soos in die begin nie”—Openbaring 2:4 

Part of the reason the Lord wanted to change me was to help me develop a "gentle and quiet spirit" which is not only precious in His sight, but also in everyone's sight! At the exact time I began to exhibit this change, in my husband's other relationship, she was becoming bitter and sharp with her tongue as it says the adulteress will be "in the end" in Proverbs 5:4. When he left me, boy oh boy, I WAS the contentious woman, but then I became someone totally new!

Deel van die rede wat die Here my wou verander was om my te help om ‘n “sagmoedige en stil gees” te ontwikkel wat nie net kosbaar in Sy oĂ« is nie, maar ook in almal se oĂ«! Op die presiese tyd wat ek begin het om hierdie verandering uit te beeld, in my man se ander verhouding, was sy besig om bitter en skerp te word soos wat dit sĂȘ die owerspelige vrou sal “op die einde” word. Toe hy my verlaat het, ai ai, ek WAS die twisgierige vrou, maar toe word ek iemand heeltemal nuut!  

It only happened once I came to the place that I no longer NEEDED my husband, because of the relationship I had with the Lord when my husband ended the relationship with the other woman and came home. 

Dit het net gebeur toe ek op die plek gekom het waar en nie my man meer NODIG gehad het nie, as gevolg van die verhouding wat ek met die Here gehad het toe my man die verhouding met die ander vrou geeindig het en huistoe gekom het.  

Do Not Pursue Your Spouse!

Moet Nie Jou Gade Agterna Sit Nie!

We encourage all those who want their marriages restored, not to pursue their spouse who has left in any way, shape or form (i.e. phone calls, cards, letters or flowers). We believe that the spouse, who wants to leave, should be allowed to leave, as is directed in Scripture.

Ons bemoedig almal wat hulle huwelike herstel wil hĂȘ, om nie hulle gades agterna te sit wie weg is op enige manier, formaat of vorm ( b.v. telefoon oproepe, kaartjies, briewe of blomme). Ons glo dat die gade, wie wil loop, moet toegelaat word om te loop, soos deur die Skrif voorgeskryf.

Once again:

Weereens:

Psalm 1:1-2 "How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor STAND IN THE WAY of sinners...! But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night."

Psalm 1:1-2 “Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van goddeloses volg nie, nie met sondaars omgaan en met ligsinniges saamspan nie, maar wat in die woord van die Here sy vreugde vind, dit dag en nag oordink.”

This verse doesn't tell us only what NOT to do, but what we are supposed to do. Meditating in His Word day and night! Some of you keep slipping back to your old ways. You want to change, but it won't stick. This is due to not replacing what you remove, with something good. It's another principle you need to learn:

Hierdie vers vertel ons nie wat om NIE te doen nie, maar wat ons veronderstel is om te doen. Op Sy Woord te Mediteer dag en nag! Sommige van julle glip terug na julle ou maniere. Julle wil verander, maar dit sal nie hou nie. Dit is omdat julle nie vervang wat julle verwyder nie, met iets goed. Dit is nog ‘n beginsel wat julle moet leer:  

"Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and takes along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation”—Matthew 12:43-45.

“Wanneer ‘n onrein gees uit ‘n mens weggaan, swerf hy deur dor streke op soek na ‘n rusplek. As hy dit nie kry nie, sĂȘ hy: ‘Ek gaan terug na my huis waaruit ek weg gegaan het.’ Hy kom dan terug en kry dit onbewoon, skoon en aan die kant. Dan gaan haal hy sewe ander geeste, nog slegter as hy self, en hulle trek saam met hom in en gaan woon daar. Aan die einde is so ‘n mens slegter daaraan toe as aan die begin. So sal dit ook gaan met die slegte mense van vandag.”—Matteus 12:43-45. 

Don't get too caught up about unclean spirits, since I am only showing you the principle. It's similar to people who successfully lose weight and keep it off. They change what they used to do. They stop eating the wrong foods, and begin eating the right foods. They used to sit and watch television, but then they begin going for walks or to the gym. 

Moet nie te betrokke raak met onreinige geeste nie, aangesien ek julle net die beginsel wys. Dit is dieselfde as mense wat suksesvol gewig verloor en dit afhou. Hulle verander wat hulle voorheen gedoen het. Hulle hou op om die verkeerde kos te eet, en begin om die regte kos te eet. Hulle was gewoond om te sit en televisie te kyk, maar dan gaan hulle vir stappies of loop na die gym toe.

If you are replacing watching television with reading His Word. Replacing talking on the phone to others, with speaking to Him about everything that concerns you. If you are no longer hoping to see or hear from your husband, but are asking Him for ways to spend your time much more productively and happily... then you will continue to see your life change, you will change, and others will see the changes.

As jy die televisie vervang met om Sy Woord te lees. Vervang om op die telefoon met ander te praat, met met Hom te praat oor alles wat jou bekommer. As jy nie meer hoop of om te sien of hoor van jou man nie, maar jy vra Hom vir maniere om jou tyd meer produktief te spandeer en gelukkig...dan sal jy voortgaan om te sien hoe jou lewe verander, jy sal verander, en ander sal die veranderinge sien.

However, remember that you are in the midst of a Esther Treatment Makeover and people are the most radically blown away the longer it's been AND the more radical the change. So find new places and new women to hang around with—women who you go looking for to help—then you can do nothing else but talk about the Lord, which means your face will become even more radiant!

Nietemin, onthou dat jy in die middel is van ‘n Ester Behandeling Doenoor en mense is meer radikaal stom geslaan hoe langer dit neem EN hoe meer radikaal die verandering. So vind nuwe plekke en nuwe vrouens om mee rond te hang—vrouens na wie jy toe gaan om te help—dan kan jy niks anders doen as om oor die Here te praat nie, wat beteken jou gesig sal selfs meer straal!

1 Corinthians 7:15 "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, LET HIM LEAVE; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."

1 KorintiĂ«rs 7:15 “As die ongelowige egter wil skei, laat hom skei. In sulke gevalle is die gelowige man of vrou nie gebind nie. God het julle geroep om in vrede te lewe.”

 And, once again, the type of "letting go" is what we saw the father do in the parable of the prodigal son, who never went after his son. Instead, he let go, got out of his way, and gave him money so the son could find his way to the pigsty. It wasn't until his son had come to his senses and was on his way back to repent when the father met him with the robe, his ring, and the fatted calf was roasted! May I ask those of you who are part of the standers ministry, "why do all of that (the robe, the ring, the fatted calf) while your husband is living in sin?"

En, weereens, die soort van “laat gaan” is wat ons gesien het die vader doen in die gelykenis van die verlore seun, wat nooit sy seun agterna gesit het nie. In plaas daarvan, het hy laat gaan, uit sy pad gekom, en hom geld gegee sodat sy seun sy pad na die varkhok kon vind. Dit was nie totdat sy seun tot besinning gekom het oppad terug om te tot bekering tee kom dat sy vader hom met die mantel ontmoet het, sy ring en die geslagte skaap was gerooster! Mag ek vra dat vir julle wat deel is van die staners se ministerie, “hoekom dit alles doen (die mantel, die ring, die geslagte skaap) terwyl jou man in sonde lewe?”  

And if your husband is no longer angry with you, why, if he can have both you and the other women chasing after him, why would he want to give it up?

En as jou man nie meer kwaad is vir jou nie, hoekom, as hy vir albei jou en die ander vrou kan hĂȘ wat hom agterna sit, hoekom sou hy dit opgee?

Time after time we have seen that the person who is pursued will try harder to get away! If you send your spouse a birthday card or other holiday cards, you will only strengthen the relationship with the other person because you have violated the three Scriptures we mentioned twice.

Keer op keer het ons gesien dat die persoon wat agterna gesit word harder probeer om weg te kom! As jy vir jou gade ‘n verjaardag kaartjie of ander vakansie kaartjies stuur, sal jy net die verhouding met die ander persoon versterk omdat jy die drie Bybel verse wat ons twee keer van melding gemaak het oortree het.  

Rather than pursuing your spouse, the women who experienced a RESTORED marriage INSTEAD pursued a relationship with the Lord. If you pursue God, then inevitably, your spouse will pursue you—and your marriage will be restored!

Eerder as om jou gade agterna te sit, die vrouens wat ‘n HERSTELDE huwelik ervaar het het IN PLAAS DAARVAN ‘n verhouding met die Here agterna gesit. As jy die Here agterna sit, dan onvermydelik, sal jou gade jou agterna sit—en jou huwelik sal herstel word!  

We simply can't say it enough, please don't call your spouse if he has left. Don't send him cards or even continue telling him that you love him. Don't keep asking for forgiveness. Make sure you do it once, then let this go too! Even if you've missed something, it really gets old and pathetic. And please don't let your spouse know that you are "standing" for your marriage or tell him about your "covenant with God." 

Ons kan dit eenvoudig nie genoeg sĂȘ nie, moet asseblief nie skakel as hy geloop het nie. Moet hom nie kaartjies stuur of aanhou om hom te vertel dat jy hom liefhet nie. Moet hom nie aanhou vra vir vergewensgesinheid nie. Maak seker jy doen dit een keer, dan laat dit ook gaan! Selfs al het jy iets gemis, dit raak regtig oud en pateties. En asseblief moet nie jou gade laat weet dat jy vir jou huwelik “staan” of hom vertel van jou “gelofte met God nie.”

RUNNING

HARDLOOP

Rather than STANDING for your marriage, which, as we said, really doesn't mean that you are standing strong, but standing in the way of a sinner.

Eerder as om te STAAN vir jou huwelik, wat, soos ons gesĂȘ het, regtig nie beteken dat jy sterk staan nie, maar om in die pad van die sondaar te staan.

We believe you should be RUNNING!

Ons glo jy behoort te HARDLOOP!

Run with your eyes fixed on the right prize—fixing our eyes on Jesus!

Hardloop met jou oĂ« gerig op die regte prys—jou oĂ« op Jesus gerig! 

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart" —Hebrews 12:1-3

“Terwyl ons dan so ‘n groot skare geloofsgetuienis rondom ons het, laat ons elke las van ons afgooi, ook die sonde wat ons so maklik verstrik, en laat ons die wedloop wat vir ons voorlĂȘ, met volharding hardloop, die oog gevestig op Jesus, die Begin en Voleinder van die geloof. Ter wille van die vreugde wat vir Hom in die vooruitsig was, het Hy die kruis verduur sonder om vir die skande daarvan terug te deins, en Hy sit nou aan die regterkant van die troon van God. Hou Hom voor oĂ« wat so ‘n vyandige optrede van die sondaars teen hom verdra het. Dan sal julle nie geestelik moeg word en uitsak nie.

Jeopardised Her Own Restoration

Het Haar Eie Herstel Op Die Spel Geplaas

I have a very dear friend whom actually belongs to a Stander's ministry. We became friends and I introduced her to RMI, she never really did any of the lessons because I think she never really "bought" into the Ministry as she still clung to the principles of the standers ministry. During the holiday season, she told me that due to a family member not agreeing with her stand on covenant marriage she was not invited to attend Christmas lunch with them.

Ek het ‘n baie goeie vriendin wat eintlik aan die Staners ministerie behoort. Ons het vriende geword en ek het haar aan HMI voorgestel, sy het nooit regtig enige van die lesse gedoen nie omdat ek dink sy het nooit regtig “geglo” aan die Ministerie en sy het nog steeds vasgeklou aan die beginsels van die staners se ministerie. Gedurende die vakansie seisoen, het sy my vertel dat as gevolg van ‘n familie lid wat nie saamstem oor haar stand oor gelofte huwelike nie was nie genooi om Kerfees ete saam hulle te geniet nie.

A miracle occurred whereby her FH invited her to Christmas lunch at their home, although he had always been hostile towards her for breaking up their marriage. I was elated because our stories were so similar and I was praying for her restoration also. After Christmas day I messaged her only to find that she was in fact not invited and after hearing her story where she was in his company at a couple of church events whereby she attempted to speak to him and also gave him a lecture.

‘n Wonderwerk het plaasgevind toe haar VM haar uitgenooi het om Kersete by hulle huis te geniet, alhoewel hy nog altyd vyandig teenoor haar opgetree het omdat sy hulle huwelik opgebreek het. Ek was verheug omdat ons storie soveel eenders was en ek ook vir haar herstel gebid het. Na Kersdag het ek vir haar ‘n boodskap gestuur net om uit te vind sy was toe weer ongenooi omdat sy terwyl sy in sy geselskap was by ‘n paar kerk geleenthede poging aangewend het om met hom te praat en hom ook ‘n berisping gegee het.

I then realised that she had violated the principle of not pursuing and winning without a word. To my utter horror, she had jeopardised her own restoration, as he had told her previously that if she attempted to pursue him he would go back to breaking all contact. My heart broke and I sat thinking about the situation and knew I had to do something, as I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking to me to comfort her..  

Ek het toe besef dat sy weereens die beginsel om nie na te jaag en te wen sonder ‘n woord oortree het. Tot my uiterste afgryse, sy het haar eie herstel op die spel geplaas, omdat hy haar op ‘n vorige geleentheid gesĂȘ het dat as sy voort gaan om hom na te jaag hy alle kontak met haar sou verbreek. My hart het gebreek en ek het gesit en dink aan die situasie en geweet ek moes iets doen, ek kon voel dat die Heilige Gees my aangehits het om met haar te praat en te troos..

I spoke to her about the RMI principles again and how we are not to pursue our husbands but that they were the ones that needed to do the chasing. I told her to purchase the RYM book and that she would learn all that she needed in it. Only to find that she had already purchased the book but that it was packed away somewhere!!!

Ek het weer met haar oor die HMI beginsels gepraat en hoe ons nie ons mans moet najaag nie maar dat hulle die is wat die najaging moet doen. Ek het vir haar gesĂȘ om die HJH boek aan te koop en dat sy alles wat sy benodig daarin sou leer. Net om uit te vind dat sy alreeds die boek aangekoop het maar dat dit ĂȘrens weg gepak was!!! 

Ladies our men do not owe us anything. And all we owe anyone else is to love them. As Jesus did. No amount of pleading will get your husband to take you back or bring him back. Only God can and will and only if and when you start obeying. Do not waste years of believing for restoration with one simple act of weariness. Let's run the race to win. Let God do His best work through us and for us.

Dames ons mans skuld ons niks nie. En al wat ons enige iemand anders skuld is om hulle lief te hĂȘ. Net soos Jesus gedoen het. Geen hoeveelheid gepleit sal jou man kry om jou terug te neem of om hom terug te bring nie. Net God kan en sal en net wanneer jy begin gehoorsaam. Moet nie jare mors om te glo in herstel met een eenvoudige daad van vermoeidheid nie. Kom ons hardloop die wedstryd om te wen. Laat God Sy beste werk deur en vir ons doen. 

1 Peter 3:4 New International Reader's Version (NIRV)  

1 Petrus 3:4 Afr 83 Weergawe

4 Instead, your beauty comes from inside you. It is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Beauty like this doesn’t fade away. God places great value on it.

4 Nee, julle skoonheid moet dié van die innerlike mens wees: blywende beskeidenheid en kalmte van gees. Dit het by God groot waarde. 

Psalm 27:14 NIRV "Wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14 Afr 83 “Vertrou op die Here.

Be strong and don’t lose hope. Wait for the Lord.

Wees sterk en hou goeie moed! Ja vertrou op die Here! 

~ Mercy in Botswana

Spiritual Arrogance

Spirituele Arrogansie

One of the biggest surprises with those who come to our ministry, who have spoken openly about "standing" for their marriage, is that very often they expressed a spiritual arrogance. One telltale sign is when they freely tell us about their husband's sin.

Een van die grootste verrassings met die wat na ons ministerie toe kom, wat openlik gepraat het oor “staan” vir hulle huwelik, is dat baie dikwels beeld hulle ‘n spirituele arrogansie uit. Een vertel teken is wanneer hulle ons vrylik oor hulle mans se sondes vertel.

Not only that but they are usually quick to refer to their spouse as "the prodigal," which as I said, is like calling them the deep down dirty "sinner."  When we see a woman looking at her spouse's sin, rather than focusing on their own, we know they are still tearing their houses down, not at all headed toward restoration. Matthew 7:2-5 says it this way: 

Nie net dit nie maar hulle is gou om na hulle gades te verwys as “die verlore seun” wat soos ek gesĂȘ het, is soos om hulle diep onder ‘n vuil “sondaar” te noem. Wanneer ons ‘n vrou sien wat na haar gade se sonde kyk, eerder as om op haar eie te fokus, weet ons dat hulle nog steeds besig is om hulle huise af te breek, nie almal gaan in die rigting van herstel nie. Matteus 7:2-5 sĂȘ dit op hierdie manier:   

"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 

“Met dieselfde oordeel waarmee julle oor ander oordeel, sal oor julle geoordeel word, en met dieselfde maat waarmee julle vir ander meet, sal vir julle gemeet word. “Waarom sien jy raak wat in jou broer se oog is, maar die balk in jou eie oog merk jy nie op nie? 

"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? 

“Of hoe kan jy vir jou broer sĂȘ: Wag, laat ek die splinter uit jou oog uithaal,’ en intussen is daar ‘n balk in jou eie oog? 

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

“Huigelaar! Haal eers die balk uit jou eie oog uit, dan sal jy goed kan sien om die splinter uit jou broer se oog te haal.”

This type of spiritual arrogance is what we began referring to as a "Pharisee spirit." This is so dangerous and WILL prevent God from moving your marriage toward restoration. When I was trusting God for my marriage restoration, the Lord showed me, in His Word, that Jesus was only harsh, critical, and opposed to one set of individuals, not the sinners, but the Pharisees! And that is when He showed me that I WAS a Pharisee because I was focusing on my husband's sins while ignoring my own!

Hierdie soort spirituele arrogansie is wat ons begin verwys het na as ‘n “FariseĂ«r gees.” Dit is so gevaarlik en SAL voorkom dat God in jou huwelik beweeg in die rigting van herstel. Toe ek God vir my huweliks herstel vertrou het, het die Here my gewys, in Sy Woord, dat Jesus net kwaai, krities, en teen een stel van individuele was, nie die sondaars nie, maar die FariseĂ«rs! En dit was toe Hy my gewys het dat EK WAS ‘n FariseĂ«r omdat ek op my man se sondes gefokus het terwyl ek my eie ignororeer het!   

There are so many Christians who pretend to be spiritual on the outside but are filthy on the inside. Jesus called them whitewashed tombs:

Daar is so baie Christene wat maak asof hulle baie spiritueel is maar vuil aan die binnekant. Jesus het hulle witkalk graftombe: 

Matthew 23:27 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness."

Matteus 23:27 “Ellende wag vir julle, skrifgeleerdes en FariseĂ«rs, huigelaars! Julle is soos witgeverfde grafte, wat van buite mooi lyk maar daarbinne vol doodsbene en allerande onsuiwerheid is.”  

I Will Wait — FOREVER!!

Ek Sal Wag — VIR EWIG!!

Have you ever told your spouse, or told other people that you would "Wait forever"? Well, get ready to WAIT.

Het jy al ooit vir jou gade gesĂȘ, of vir ander mense vertel dat jy “Vir ewig sal wag”? Wel, maak reg om te WAG. 

Pursuing your spouse or making strong statements will not help—it will cause them to run. This will also push your spouse away and toward the other woman! You cannot stand in the way of a divorce either.

Deur jou gade agterna te sit of sterk verklarings te maak sal nie help nie—dit sal veroorsaak dat hulle hardloop. Dit sal ook jou gade wegstoot en in die rigting van die ander vrou! Jy kan ook nie in die pad van egskeiding staan nie.

Stop telling everyone about your "stand", get out of the way. Don't try to stop a divorce since this could very well be what turns your husband around! Jesus told us NOT to resist evil. But instead how to benefit from it. No, not our sin, we will never benefit from it, but the sins of others towards us! Look at the life of Jesus. It was what His life was all about.

Hou op om ander te vertel van jou “staan”, kom uit die pad uit. Moet nie probeer om ‘n egskeiding te keer nie aangesien dit die einste ding is wat jou man sal laat omkeer! Jesus het vir ons gesĂȘ om NIE die bose teen te staan nie. Maar in plaas daarvan hoe om voordeel daaruit te trek. Nee, nie ons sonde nie, ons sal nooit voordeel daaruit trek nie, maar die sondes van ander teenoor ons! Kyk na die lewe van Jesus. Dit was waaroor Sy lewe alles was.

"But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also"—Matthew 5:39

“Maar Ek sĂȘ vir julle: Julle moet julle nie teen ‘n kwaadwillige mens verset nie. As iemand jou op die regterwang slaan, draai ook die ander wang na hom toe”—Matteus 5:39

Why would He say that? Because it's God's way of setting you up to bless you! And the greatest blessing is finding His favor! Being surrounded by favor is a place I love to live IN!

Hoekom sou Hy dit sĂȘ? Omdat dit God se manier is om jou op te stel om jou te seĂ«n! En die grootste seĂ«n is om Sy guns te vind! Deur omring te word met guns is ‘n plek waarvan ek hou om IN te lewe!

Be grateful "to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it, you patiently endure it, THIS finds FAVOR with God"—1 Peter 2:18-19.

Wees dankbaar “aan die wat onredelik is. Dit is genade as iemand die pyn van onverdiende lyding verduur omdat hy aan God getrou wil wees. As julle gestraf word wanneer julle oortree het, watter verdienste is daarin as julle dit verdra? Maar om lyding te verdra wanneer julle goed doen, DIT is GENADE van God”—1 Petrus 2:18-19.

This is powerful stuff, but no one talks about it!

Dit is kragtige goed, maar niemand praat daaroor nie!

Okay, so let's talk about some specifics with "standers" and covenant ministries since so many women can't seem to see things in the right perspective. Let's talk about the holes in the "covenant" theology. Helen already shared how far things can go when you believe you are still married when you're actually divorced. So many embrace this belief that they are still married because they have a "covenant" with God. But if you think about it, it's the same as waving the title to a car when it's been stolen!

Goed, so kom ons praat oor sommige spesifieke met “staners” en gelofte ministeries aangesien dit lyk asof so baie vrouens nie dinge in die regte perspektief kan sien nie. Kom ons praat oor die gate in die “gelofte” teologie. Helen het alreeds gedeel hoe ver dinge kan gaan wanneer jy glo dat jy nog steeds getroud is wanneer jy eintlik geskei is. So baie omarm die geloof dat hulle nog steeds getroud is omdat hulle ‘n “gelofte” met God het. Maar as jy daaraan dink, dit is dieselfde as om die titel van ‘n kar rond te waai wanneer dit gesteel is! 

Holding a car title means nothing if you don't have the car! If someone else is driving it. A marriage license or covenant means very little when you get into bed alone and your husband gets into bed with her.

Deur ‘n kar titel te hou beteken niks as jy nie ‘n kar het nie! As iemand anders dit bestuur. ‘n Huwelik lisensie of gelofte beteken baie min wanneer jy alleen in die bed klim en jou man in die bed klim met haar. 

Instead, think of it God's way and ask Him to be your Husband.

In plaas daarvan, dink daaraan as God se manier en vra Hom om jou Man te wees. 

“‘Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

“‘Moenie bang wees nie, jy sal nie weer in die skande kom nie, moenie so verleĂ« daar staan nie, jy sal nie weer verneder word nie. Jy sal die skande uit jou jong dae vergeet en nie meer dink hoe jy verneder is toe jy ‘n weduwee was nie.

For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

Hy wat jou gemaak het, is jou man, sy Naam is die Here die Almagtige. Die Heilige van Israel is jou Verlosser, Hy word die God van die hele wĂȘreld genoem. 

For the LORD has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,’ Says your God”—Isaiah 54:4–6

Jy is ‘n verstote en bitter bedroefde vrou, maar die Here roep jou terug, want hoe kan ‘n man sy eie vrou vergeet? SĂȘ jou God” —Jesaja 54:4-6

Once the Lord knows your heart belongs to Him, He will set out to be everything your husband never was and never could be to you! He doesn't want to bring your husband back when he knows how hurt you will be because your heart is too open, too raw. Not until He knows you've let go of your husband, and have enough of Him, will He bring your husband back into your life, because there is no way He is going to let him hurt you anymore.

Sodra die Here weet jou hart behoort aan Hom, Sal Hy Hom daarop instel om alles te wees wat jou man nooit was en nooit kan wees vir jou nie! Hy wil nie jou man terugbring wanneer hy weet hoe seergemaak jy sal wees omdat jou hart te oop is, te rou. Nie totdat Hy weet jy het laat gaan van jou man nie, en het genoeg van Hom, sal Hy jou man terugbring in jou lewe, omdat daar geen manier is wat Hy hom gaan toelaat om jou meer seer te maak nie. 

You'll Know by Their Fruits

Jy Sal Hulle Ken aan Hulle Vrugte 

In a time when your future hangs in the balance, it is important that you are careful when seeking or accepting counsel and help. How do you know whom you can trust?

In ‘n tyd wanneer jou toekoms in die balans hang, is dit belangrik dat jy versigtig is wanneer jy berading en hulp aanvaar. Hoe weet jy op wie jy kan vertrou?

The Bible tells us, as believers, how to discern whom we can trust and who we should stay away from. In Matt. 7:15-20 it tells us, "You will know them by their fruits."

Die Bybel sĂȘ vir ons, as gelowiges, hoe om te onderskei tussen wie ons kan vertrou en van wie ons moet wegbly. In Matt.7:15-20 sĂȘ dit vir ons, “Aan hulle vrugte sal julle hulle ken.” 

When my husband confessed to being involved with another woman, I first sought the Lord. God totally turned the situation around instantly.

Toe my man gebieg het dat hy met ‘n ander vrou betrokke is, het ek eerste die Here nagestreef. God het die situasie heeltemal omgedraai in ‘n kits. 

Unfortunately, I made the biggest mistake of my life that I would later regret for the rest of my life! I followed the advice of someone who had NO FRUIT.

Ongelukkig, het ek die grootste fout van my lewe begaan wat ek later vir die res van my lewe oor spyt sou hĂȘ! Ek het die raad gevolg van iemand wat GEEN VRUGTE gehad het nie. 

As I shared yesterday, I read the destructive book about administering "tough love" by a very popular "Christian" psychologist. I was not aware of the bad fruit this book was producing. It wasn’t until I began ministering to other women who, in tears, shared with me that they had made the same mistake of following the advice given in this book—which resulted in their husbands hating and despising them too!

Soos wat ek gister gedeel het, ek het die vernieteginde boek oor om “streng liefde” toe te pas gelees wat deur ‘n baie populĂȘre “Christelike” sielkundige geskryf is. Ek was nie bewus van die slegte vrugte wat hierdie boek geproduseer het nie. Dit was nie totdat ek begin het om aan ander vrouens te minister, wie in trane, met my gedeel het dat hulle dieselfde fout begaan het om ook die boek se advies te volg—wat gevolg gehad het dat hulle mans hulle haat en verag ook!  

In addition to your covenant-based standers ministry, if in your desperation you may have also tried the method of tough love, stay away from this book and avoid the destructive results. It is not biblical, but is based on psychology because a psychologist wrote it! 

Ter toevoeging aan julle gelofte-gebaseerde staners ministerie, as jy desperaat is mag jy ook die metode van  streng liefde probeer het, bly weg van hierdie boek af en vermy die verwoestende resultate. Dit is nie bybels nie, maar is gebaseer op sielkunde want ‘n sielkundige het dit geskryf!

OUR HISTORY with Standers

ONS GESKIEDENIS met Staners

Over the past twenty years, we have had hundreds of women (and men) who have come to us from standers ministries for additional support and comfort. Unfortunately, so far we have had very little good fruit, no real favorable results, with those who have already embraced the doctrine, that is so completely contrary to our own, as you have just read.

Oor die afgelope twintig jaar, het ons honderde vrouens (en mans) gehad wat na ons toe gekom het uit staners ministeries vir bykomende ondersteuning en troos. Ongelukkig, so ver het ons baie min goeie vrugte gewerp, geen gunstige resultate nie, met die wat alreeds die doktrine omarm het, dit is so heeltemal teenstrydig aan ons eie, soos wat jy nou net gelees het.  

Every few years, our leadership team gets together to seek God for wisdom. At one point we had so many coming from Covenant Keepers and Rejoice Ministries that we began to focus solely on them and our ministry changed to emphasizing the principles that were contrary to their doctrine, only to find that we greatly damaged the women (and men) who had not come by way of a standers or covenant-based marriage ministry.

Elke paar jaar, kom ons leierskap saam om God na te streef vir wysheid. Op een stadium het ons so baie gehad wat van Covenant Keepers en Rejoice Ministries gekom het dat ons begin het om alleen op hulle te fokus en ons ministerie het verander om klem te lĂȘ op die beginsels wat teensytrydig was aan hulle doktrine, net om te vind dat ons groot skade aan die vrouens (en mans) gedoen het wat nie na ons toe gekom het van ‘n staners of gelofte-gebaseerde ministeries nie. 

We regrouped, once again and felt that what was in the best interest of the huge influx of standers and for the safety of our own members, that it was best to turn them away and send them back to the first ministry God led them to.

Ons het weer hergroep,  en gevoel dat wat in die beste belang van die groot instroming van staners en vir die veiligheid van ons eie lede, dat dit die beste was om hulle weg te wys en terug te stuur na die eerste ministerie waarna God hulle gelei het.

With the beginning of RMIEW in 2011, however, we once again sought God when, once again, we began getting a large number of women who came to us from "Standers" ministries. In the beginning, we began to work closely with them, but later, after much was invested on our part, we were often sent a reply to something that was in following the standers firmness, basically telling us off before leaving!

Met die begin van RMIEW in 2011, nietemin, het ons weer God nagestreef toe, ons weer, begin het om groot hoeveelhede vrouens te kry wat van “Staners” ministeries af gekom het. In die begin, het ons na aan hulle begin werk, maar later, nadat ons baie van ons deel belĂȘ het, het ons dikwels ‘n antwoord gekry wat die staners se fermheid bewys, waar hulle ons basies afsĂȘ voordat hulle ons verlaat!

Part of this is due to the ministry "feeding the flesh." Let's face it, it feels GOOD to do "something." It feels good to send a letter, make a call or tell someone about our stand. But it doesn't feel good when we rejected over and over and over again!

Deel hiervan is as gevolg van die ministerie “wat die vlees voer.” Kom ons wees eerlik, dit voel GOED om “iets” te doen.” Dit voel goed om ‘n brief te stuur, ‘n oproep te maak of om iemand te vertel van ons staan. Maar dit voel nie goed wanneer ons oor en oor verwerp is nie!

We hate to group you or any woman, together in a negative way and only wish we knew the right course that would ultimately help you and give you the desires of your heart. We were simply at a loss of really knowing what to do. Until God led Helen to begin ministering to us. However, we want you to know this is NEW territory for us. We have NOT had the success we have had with the woman or man who has not been part of these ministries.

Ons haat om jou of enige vrou saam te groep, op ‘n negatiewe manier en wens net ons het die regte koers geken wat julle uiteindelik sal help en julle die begeertes van julle hart gee. Ons is eenvoudig verlore om regtig te weet wat om te doen. Totdat God Helen gelei het om aan ons te begin minister. Nietemin, ons wil hĂȘ jy moet weet dit is ‘n NUWE gebied vir ons. Ons het NIE die suksesse  gehad wat ons gehad het met die vrou of man wat nie deel van hierdie ministeries was nie. 

The path we are taking at this point is to offer you ALL the truth we have learned, and trust that God can help you LET GO of what you've learned and what you've been doing. ONLY THEN will you be in a position to renew your mind so that GOD can do the impossible.

Die pad wat ons op hierdie stadium volg is om ALMAL van julle die waarheid wat ons geleer het te offer, en vertrou dat God jou kan help om TE LAAT GAAN van wat jy geleer het en wat jy besig was om te doen. NET DAN sal jy in ‘n posisie wees om jou gedagtes te hernu sodat GOD die onmoontlike kan doen. 

Though we have had hundreds of restored marriages, so far we must be honest and upfront, we have had very few restored marriage testimonies that have been submitted when the woman was once a stander or who had come from a standers ministry.

Alhoewel ons honderde herstelde huwelike gehad het, so ver moet ons eerlik en vorendag wees, ons het baie min herstelde huwelik getuienisse wat deur vrouens ingedien is wat eens op ‘n tyd ‘n staner was of van staners ministeries afgekom het. 

We know that both Covenant Keepers and Rejoice Ministries have restored marriage testimonies, and therefore, once again, we feel this has to be due to the double-mindedness that comes from being part of BOTH ministries and mixing the two sets of teachings.

Ons weet dat beide Covenant Keepers en Rejoice Ministeries het herstelde huwelik getuienisse, en daarom, weereens, voel ons dat dit is as gevolg van besluitloosheid wat kom as gevolg daarvan om deel te wees van ALBEI ministeries en die twee stelle leringe te meng.

That’s why we urge you to either go back and embrace their doctrine and remain under their guidance, love, support and teachings OR to do everything in your power to LET GO of everything you learned in order to embrace our ministry’s principles.

Dit is hoekom ons jou aanspoor om eerder terug te gaan en hulle doktrine te omarm en onder hulle leiding, liefde, ondersteuning en leringe te bly OF om alles in hulle vermoëns te doen om te LAAT GAAN van alles wat jy geleer het in orde om ons ministerie en beginsels te omarm.    

Here is short praise report of one woman who was willing to “Let Go” and embrace what RMI teaches:

Hier is ‘n kort lofverslag van een vrou wat gewillig was om te “Laat Gaan” en omarm wat HMI leer:

I also want to thank God because He has brought me light in the darkness. I was involved in a "stander" marriage program for 1 1/2 years before I found Restore Ministries. And since I have finally "LET GO" of my husband, I have finally been peaceful, knowing God will take care of it, instead of me. It is very stressful to "stand" because the outcome of your marriage is based on what YOU can do, not what GOD can (and should) be doing. Not "letting go" was what kept me mired in intense and incredible pain. It brought a lot of fears that I shouldn't have been carrying because I thought that my marriage depended on me to hold it together (and sometimes I wasn't willing to do that anymore). I had left God out of the picture. SINCE I have let go, my husband has started coming around. He puts forth the effort to reach out to us. Although it is baby steps, I see God turning his heart toward us. He is starting to do things that he would never do before.

Ek wil ook God bedank omdat hy vir my lig in die donkerte gebring het. Ek was vir 1 Âœ jaar betrokke by ‘n “staner” huweliks program voordat ek Herstel Ministeries gevind het. En sedertdien het ek finaal “LAAT GAAN” van my man, ek is finaal vreedsaam, wetende dat God daarna sal omsien, in plaas van myself. Dit is baie stresvol om te “staan” omdat die uitkoms van jou huwelik gebaseer is op wat JY kan doen, nie wat GOD kan (en behoort) te doen nie. Om nie “te laat gaan nie” was wat my gehou het in intens en ongelooflike pyn. Dit het baie vrese gebring wat ek nie moes gedra het nie omdat ek gedink het dat my huwelik op my staat gemaak het om dit bymekaar te hou (en somtyds was ek nie gewillig om dit meer te doen nie). Ek het God uit die prentjie gelos. VANDAT ek laat gaan het, het my man begin omkom. Hy wend ‘n poging aan om uit te reik na ons toe. Alhoewel dit baba treetjies is, kan ek sien dat God sy hart na ons toe draai. Hy begin dinge doen wat hy nooit vantevore gedoen het nie.   

I want to praise Him because now when I have a problem, the first thing I do is PRAY, and with an OPEN heart (instead of "God, please fix this problem by doing this or that). I do not go to other people to ask their opinions anymore. I go to God, and He is answering me personally. He has been sending me so much truth, particularly about the "sacrifice of praise" - in praising Him in the middle of trials, instead of lamenting over them.

Ek wil Hom loof omdat nou wannneer ek ‘n probleem het, is die eerste ding wat ek doen BID, en met ‘n OOP hart (in plaas van “God, maak asseblief hierdie probleem reg deur dit of dat te doen). Ek gaan nie meer na ander mense toe om hulle opinies te vra nie. Ek gaan na God toe, en Hy antwoord my persoonlik. Hy het my so baie waarhede gestuur, besonderlik oor die “opoffering van lof” - deur Hom in die middel van beproewings te loof, in plaas daarvan om oor hulle te betreur.  

It is SO much better than worrying to death and hoping to have my needs met by an earthly husband or depending upon the "arm of flesh" to fill me up. I always heard that God is the only one that can truly fill us up, but I never believed it. Maybe we have to be truly "empty" before He can begin filling us. Thank God for all His blessings!

Dit is SO baie beter as om jou dood te bekommer en te hoop dat in my behoeftes voorsien sal word deur ‘n aardse man of om op die “arm van die vlees’ staat te maak om my op te vul. Ek het altyd gehoor dat God die enigste een is wat ons werklik kan opvul, maar ek het dit nooit geglo nie. Miskien moet ons werklik ‘leeg’ wees voordat Hy kan begin om ons te vul. Dank God vir al Sy seĂ«ninge!  

~ Chloe in Tennessee

Soon after finding you I encounter another ministry "rejoice ministry" which I began to follow along with this I have to confess that some how listening to that ministry I found appealing to the flesh, but not to the soul. After crying out in pain, He led me back here to your ministry and I spend all night reading chapter after chapter on the RRR site and finally I found answers for all my so call "standing for marriage." That night I found a new conviction, I took off my wedding ring and let go of my church, when a began tithing to you, to my new storehouse. That's when I finally understood almost everything even though it was in English (my first language is Spanish)!

Kort nadat ek julle gevind het het ek ‘n ander ministerie “rejoice ministery” teĂ«gekom wat ek saam dit begin volg het ek moet bieg dat op een of ander manier deur na daardie ministerie te luister het ek dit innemend gevind vir die vlees, maar nie vir die siel nie. Nadat ek in pyn uitgeroep het, het Hy my terug hier na julle ministerie gelei en ek het die heel aand gespandeer en hoofstuk na hoofstuk op die HHH webwerf gelees en finaal antwoorde vir my sogenoemde ‘staan vir huwelik” gevind.  Daardie aand het ek ‘n nuwe oortuiging gevind, ek het my trouring afgehaal en my kerk laat gaan, toe ek my tiende aan julle begin betaal het, my nuwe stoorkamer. Dit is toe wat ek ten volle amper alles verstaan het selfs al was dit in Engels (my eerste taal is Spaans)!

In less than 2-days, my mind was completely renewed. and it felt well in my soul and spirit. The "stander ministry" whole concept and the journey for needs to be encouraging women to find our heavenly husband.

In minder as 2-dae, was my gedagtes heeltemal hernu, en dit het goed gevoel in my siel en gees. Die “staner ministeries” se hele konsep en die reis vir die behoefte om bemoedigende vrouens om ons hemelse man te vind.

~ Diana in Texas

Read through what we offer, again and again. Take everything to God, and then allow HIM to lead you to where you should be and what HE would have you to do.

Lees deur wat ons offer, weer en weer. Neem alles na God toe, en laat HOM toe om jou te lei na waar jy behoort te wees en wat HY wil hĂȘ jy moet doen.

"Your testimonies also are my delight;

“U verordeninge is my vreugde,

They are my counselors"— Psalm 119:24

Hulle is my raadgewers” — Psalm 119:24

In each of the principles shared in these lessons, I can look back see the journey God has taken me on. I was broken to my core the moment I found out my husband was in adultery. Never in a million years would I have believed he would do that, he too, says he can't believe he's done it. I made every mistake possible, I turned into a crazy, suicidal women. I am so ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done.

In een van die beginsels wat ek in hierdie lesse gedeel het, kan ek terugkyk om die reis te sien waarop God my geneem het. Ek was gebreek tot my kern die oomblik toe ek uitgevind het dat my man in owerspel betrokke was. Nooit in ‘n miljoen jaar sou ek geglo het dat hy dit sal doen nie, hy ook, sĂȘ hy kan nie glo dat hy dit gedoen het nie. Ek het elke fout moontlik gemaak. Ek het in ‘n mal, selfmoordende vrou verander. Ek is so skaam en verleĂ« deur wat ek gedoen het. 

I somehow found a "standers" ministry and it seemed to get me on a better path than what I was on. I at least had hope that restoration was possible with God. Praise the Lord you changed your policy on this matter and allowed standers like me, to come through these lessons!

Ek het op een of ander manier ‘n “staner” ministerie gevind en dit het gelyk asof dit my op ‘n beter pad gekry het as waarop ek was. Ek het ten minste gehoop dat herstel moontlik was met God. Prys God jy het jou beleid verander oor hierdie saak en toegelaat dat staners soos ek, om deur hierdie lesse te kom! 

While being part of the other standers ministry, I was still shattered in my soul. I cried every day and night. I kept asking God where was this so-called "peace that passes understanding." He heard my cry and lead me to here to Restore Ministries and Encouraging Women. Now I have peace!!!

Terwyl ek deel van die ander staners ministerie was, was ek tot in my siel verpletter. Ek het elke dag en nag gehuil. Ek het God aanhou vra waar hierdie so-genoemde “vrede wat alle verstand te bowe gaan” was.Hy het my uitroep gehoor en my hier na Herstel Ministeries en Bemoedigende Vrouens gelei. Nou het ek vrede!!!

I see now that by standing, I was relying on myself, not God. That's why I could not find peace. I can't praise God enough for allowing me to struggle and fight on my own, then when I was completely exhausted, He led me to you, more correctly, to Him."

Ek sien nou dat deur om te staan, het ek op myself staat gemaak, nie God nie. Dit is hoekom ek nie vrede kan vind nie. Ek kan God nie genoeg prys om my toe te laat om te sukkel en op my eie te baklei, dan toe ek heeltemal uitgeput was, het Hy my na jou toe gelei, meer korrek, na Hom toe” 

“...en julle sal die waarheid ken, en die waarheid sal julle vry maak.” —Joh 8:32 

Nou is dit tyd om HIER TE KLIK en jou hart aan die Here uit te stort en te joernaal “Wat ek Geleer Het.”  

 

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