He who has found his life will lose it,

 and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

 —Matthew 10:39


Hy wat sy lewe wil behou, sal dit verloor;

en hy wat sy lewe ter wille van My verloor, sal dit vind.

—Matteus 10:39

 

During the past few weeks, especially while driving, I have been drawn to a song that my boys sing in their worship band. I enjoy the upbeat nature of the tune, but it is the words that have captivated me.

Gedurende die afgelope weke, spesiaal terwyl ek bestuur, is ek aangetrokke tot ‘n liedjie wat my seuns in die lofgroep sing. Ek geniet die opslag natuur van die wysie, maar dit is die woorde wat my bekoor het.     

The chorus says:

Die refrein sê: 

“To find your life,

You’ve got to lose it,

All the losers get a crown.” 

“Om jou lewe te vind,

Moet jy dit verloor,

Al die verloorders kry ‘n kroon.”

Less than five months ago, I lost the life that I had lived and actively pursued for 14 years. All my life, I wanted just a simple life of being a wife and mother; I loved, simply loved staying home and not venturing outside my world. 

Minder as vyf maande gelede, het ek die lewe wat ek gelewe en aktief agterna gesit het vir 14 jaar verloor. My hele lewe, wou ek net ‘n eenvoudige lewe gehad het om ‘n vrou en ‘n moeder te wees; ek was eenvoudig lief daarvoor om by die huis te bly en nie buite my wêreld te waag nie.

Less than five months ago I was the wife of a pastor of a megachurch and had began a huge women’s ministry of thousands, which was founded on my own marriage restoration. I was well-known, admired and loved as a co-pastor (women’s pastor of our church), and was often ministering side-by-side with my husband. Even my children held many leadership positions within our church. And due to the media attention our church was given, our family was well known through our area and even statewide. 

Minder as vyf maande gelede was ek die vrou van ‘n pastoor van ‘n megakerk en  het ‘n enorme vrouens ministerie van duisende begin, wat gestig was op my eie huweliks herstel. Ek was  wel-bekend, admireer en geliefd as ‘n mede-pastoor (vrouens pastoor van ons kerk), en het dikwels sy aan sy saam my man geminister. Selfs my kinders het baie leierskap posisies binne ons kerk gehad. En as gevolg van die media aandag wat ons kerk gegee was, was ons familie wel bekend deur ons gbied en selfs landwyd. 

Our family was clearly high-profile, both here in the United States, and even in many nations. Then, one day, my world as I knew it fell completely—my husband walked into our bedroom and told me that he was leaving that morning for an appointment with an attorney to file for divorce and that his intention was to find another woman to marry. 

Ons familie was duidelik hoog-profiel, beide hier in die Verenigde State, en selfs in baie nasies. Toe, een dag, het my wêreld soos ek dit geken het in duie gestort—my man het in ons slaapkamer ingeloop en vir my gesê dat hy daardie oggend gaan vir ‘n afspraak met ‘n prokureur om ‘n akeisaak aanhanig te maak en dat hy van voorneme is om ‘n ander vrou te vind om mee te trou. 

What do you do when your world falls?

Wat doen jy wanneer jou wêreld in duie stort?

The song that I love to sing says, “And even if my world falls I will say . . . Above ALL I live for your glory!!” 

Die liedjie waarvan ek hou om te sing sê, “En self as my wêreld in duie stort sal ek sê...Bo ALLES ek lewe vir jou glorie!!”

Not immediately, but sometime later, I understood that God had been preparing me for that moment in my life for well over a year. And that meant I was determined to do just that—to live for His glory. I knew that God was in complete control and that no matter what happened, the Lord was all that I needed, and He was all that I wanted. Through my love and trust in Him, I knew, my world falling would be used to give glory to God. 

Nie onmiddelik nie, maar een of ander tyd later, het ek verstaan dat God my voorberei het vir daardie oomblik in my lewe vir wel oor ‘n jaar. En dit beteken ek was vasbeslote om net dit te doen—om te lewe vir Sy glorie. Ek het geweet dat God volkome in beheer was en maak nie saak wat gebeur het nie, die Here was al wat ek nodig gehad het, en Hy was al wat ek wou gehad het. Deur my liefde en vertroue in Hom, het ek geweet, my wêreld wat in duie stort sou gebruik word om glorie aan God te gee.  

The day the Lord chose to prepare me for my journey was when I heard the sermon I spoke about in chapter 1, or it just may have been a couple of songs I couldn’t stop listening to that made me re-examine my life. One spoke of finding my place in this world and was about a person who had once moved mountains, but now was a missing person. I wanted to feel like that again, be the person who felt so alive, able to believe God for the impossible, and live on a limb where only  my faith was holding me up. 

Die dag wat die Here gekies het om my voor te berei vir my reis was toe ek die preek gehoor het waaroor ek gepraat het in hoofstuk 1, of dit mag net dalk ‘n paar liedjies wees waarna ek nie kon ophou luister nie wat gemaak het dat ek my lewe her-ondersoek . Die een het gepraat oor my plek in die wêreld vind en was oor ‘n persoon wie eens op ‘n tyd berge versit het, maar was nou vermis. Ek wou weer so voel, daardie persoon wees wat so lewendig voel, in staat om in God te glo vir die onmoontlike, en te lewe in ‘n netelige posisie waar net my geloof my ophou.   

The feeling ached within me. I had no earthly idea how to get back there, so I often spoke to the Lord each morning long before the sun came up and pleaded with Him, urging Him, to help me to get to that place with Him again.

Die gevoel het binne my geskryn. Ek het geen aardse idee gehad hoe om daar terug te kom nie, so ek het dikwels elke oggend met die Here gepraat lank voor die son opkom en by Hom gepleit, Hom aangehits, om my te help om weer op daardie plek saam Hom te kom.    

When I first started my journey at the very beginning when I found RMI and I wanted a restored marriage, it really was more for what it would do for me. It’s always where we begin our journeys—when we have a crisis hit our lives. Back then I wanted the pain gone and the shame (of separation and later divorce) removed from my life. And I also wanted a father for my children, and I did not want to be a single parent. 

Toe ek eers my reis begin het toe ek HMI gevind het en ‘n herstelde huwelik wou gehad het, was dit regtig oor wat dit vir my sou doen. Dit is altyd waar ons ons reise begin— wanneer ‘n krisis ons lewens tref. Destyds wou ek die pyn weghê en die skande (van vervreming en later egskeiding) verwyder uit my lewe uit. En ek wou ook ‘n vader vir my vier kinders hê, ek wou nie ‘n enkel ouer wees nie.    

Yet, somewhere during my first journey my focus changed, and with it, my heart changed too. My desire became more of wanting my Lord than a restored marriage. And not surprisingly, as soon as I no longer cared about my marriage being restored, nor getting my husband back, God turned my husband’s heart back to me (and toward home), and my marriage was restored.

Tog, êrens gedurende my eerste reis het my fokus verander, en saam met dit, het my hart ook verander. My begeerte het meer geword om die Here te hê as ‘n herstelde huwelik. En nie verrassend nie, toe ek nie meer omgegee het om my huwelik te herstel nie, of om my man terug te kry nie, het God my man se hart terug na my toe gekeer (en huiswaarts), en my huwelik was herstel.  

This change in my focus (and later in my heart) is what happened this time too. I went into this journey for what a closer walk with the Lord would do for me. I wanted to feel loved, secure and cherished—simply to feel all the things that every woman wants to feel but can never get from an earthly husband. Soon, again, somewhere in my journey, my focus changed. As soon as I began to feel all those things (loved, secure and cherished), I then wanted an even more intimate relationship with the Lord for His sake, no longer it being about me.

Die verandering in my fokus (en later my hart) is wat ook hierdie keer gebeur het. Ek het hierdie reis begin vir wat ‘n nouer wandel met die Here vir my sou doen. Ek wou liefde voel,  sekuriteit en koestering—eenvoudig om al die dinge te voel wat elke vrou wil voel maar nooit van ‘n aardse man af kan kry nie. Gou, weer, êrens in my reis, het my fokus verander. 

That’s when I began to ponder just why God created all of us—God created mankind to fellowship with Him. Someday when the new heaven and new earth is created this is what we will all do continually, an earth that has no sorrow, sickness or tears. Is it good enough for our Lord and Savior to wait until each of us leaves this earth to begin our fellowshipping with Him as we were created to do? I knew it was not good enough, not when I pondered what He’d already given to me.

Dit is toe ek begin besin oor net hoekom God ons almal geskape het—God het die mensdom geskep om met Hom te fellowship. Een dag wanneer die nuwe hemel en die nuwe aarde geskep is is dit wat ons voortdurend sal doen, ‘n aarde wat geen hartseer, siekte of trane het nie. Is dit goed genoeg vir ons Here en Redder om te wag totdat elke een van ons hierdie aarde verlaat om te begin om saam Hom te fellowship soos wat ons geskape was om te doen? Ek het geweet dit was nie goed genoeg nie, nie wanneer ek besin oor wat Hy alreeds vir my gegee het nie.   

My deepest desire became to be to Jesus what He deserved and longed for—to fellowship with Him in a deep and intimate way. I wanted to be, in this moment of time, like Adam (who walked with God in the “cool of the day”), like Enoch (who was taken up to heaven; maybe because God enjoyed his company so much), and like Moses (who spoke to Him face-to-face, so much so that Moses’ face “shone like the sun”). This was now what I wanted and yearned for. 

My diepste begeerte het geword om aan Jesus te word wat Hy verdien het en na gehunker het—om met Hom te fellowship op ‘n diep en intieme manier. Ek wou, op hierdie oomblik in tyd, soos Adam wees (wie saam God geloop het in die “koelte van die dag”), soos Enog (wie opgeneem is hemel toe; miskien omdat God so baie van sy geselskap gehou het), en soos Moses (wie van aangesig tot aangesig met Hom gepraat het, soveel so dat Moses se gesig’ “geskyn het soos die son”). Dit was nou wat ek wou het en waarvoor ek gesmag het.  

Though I know I am nothing and am certainly unworthy to be a proper companion for Jesus, God could certainly make me to become what He wanted me to be if only I asked. So I asked Him to show me, to teach me, and to make me the Lord’s companion, the bride that He desired and so richly deserved.

Alhoewel ek weet ek is niks nie en sekerlik onwaardig om ‘n behoorlike metgesel vir Jesus te wees, God kan my sekerlik  maak om te word wat Hy wil hê ek moet word as ek net vra. So ek het Hom gevra om my te wys, om my te leer, en om my die Here se metgesel te maak, die bruid wat Hy begeer het en so ryklik verdien het. 

As a result of my asking, many things happened over the course of the next several months; some of which I remember, and some of which God will have to bring back to my memory if they are things that I am supposed to share with you. The main thing that happened, the turning point, was when I began to tell Him that He was all I wanted, and that He was all that I needed, as I mentioned in the last chapter. 

It may not be necessary for you to experience all that God led me through for you to reach this pinnacle where your life changes forever. If you have not yet begun to say these words to the Lord, please begin right now. Just to encourage you, for a very long time I never felt those words, but soon you will see, as I did, that your focus will change, and with it, your heart. 

Dit mag dalk nie nodig wees vir jou om alles te ervaar waardeur God my gelei het om hierdie pinakel te bereik waar jou lewe vir ewig verander nie. As jy nog nie begin het om hierdie woorde aan die Here te sê nie, begin asseblief nou dadelik. Net om jou te bemoedig, vir ‘n baie lang tyd het ek nie daardie woorde gevoel nie, maar binnekort sal jy sien, soos ek het, dat jou fokus sal verander, en met dit, jou hart.

Then get ready. Once you have changed enough, God will do something that will turn your life upside down. If you are listening, if you have spent sufficient time in your prayer closet, time alone with Him, you will know all about what’s up ahead long before it happens. Giving you enough time so you will not be shaken. “‘For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says the Lord who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10. He will show you, before it happens, that your world, as you know it, is about to fall just as He did with me. “Do not tremble and do not be afraid; have I not long since announced it to you and declared it? And you are My witnesses! Is there any God besides Me, Or is there any other Rock? I know of none.” Isaiah 44:8.

Staan gereed. Sodra jy genoeg verander het, sal God iets doen wat jou lewe onderstebo sal draai. As jy luister, as jy genoeg tyd saam Hom in jou gebeds hoekie spandeer het, tyd alleen saam Hom, sal jy alles weet oor wat vorentoe lê lank voor dit gebeur. En dit sal jou genoeg tyd gee dat jy nie geskud sal wees nie. “ Berge kan padgee, heuwels kan wankel, maar my liefde vir jou sal nooit verdwyn nie, my vredeverbond met jou sal nooit wankel nie, sê die Here, wat jou liefhet.” Jesaja 54:10. Hy sal jou wys, voor dit gebeur, dat jou wêreld, soos jy dit ken, op die punt staan om te val net soos wat Hy met my gedoen het.  Moenie skrik nie, moenie bang wees nie! Het Ek dit nie van lankal af aan julle verkondig, dit vir julle gesê nie? Julle is my getuies: is daar 'n God buiten My? Daar is geen ander Rots nie; Ek weet van geeneen nie.” Jesaja 44:8.

The reason your life is about to fall is because our very foundation was created and has been held together by us. Yet our desire, and His desire, is to give you a new life. The very foundation that He is about to give you: His life for you, His foundation, which will be high on the Rock, above your enemies, is where He will put that “new song in your heart, a song of praise to our God!” 

Die rede hoekom jou lewe op die punt staan om te val is omdat die einste fondasie was geskep en is bymekaar gehou deur ons. Tog ons begeerte, en Sy begeerte, is om jou nuwe lewe te gee. Die einste fondasie wat Hy op die punt staan om jou te gee: Sy lewe vir jou, Sy fondasie, wat hoog op die Rots sal wees, bo jou vyande, is waar Hy “‘n nuwe liedjie in jou hart sal sit, ‘n liedjie van lof aan ons God!” 

“To find your life,

You’ve got to lose it, 

All the losers get a crown.” 

“Om die lewe te vind,

Moet jy dit veloor,

Al die verloorders kry ‘n kroon.”

The moment my world fell, when I lost my life, I found the One that God created me for. The difference is as significant as the difference between this world and heaven. My journey and my focus now, is to begin to share with women everywhere, like you dear one, how to find and to live the abundant life that He has created for you to live.

Die oomblik wat my wêreld geval het, toe ek my lewe verloor het, het ek die Een gevind wat God vir my geskep het. Die verskil is so betekenisvol soos die verskil tussen die wêreld en die hemel. My reis en my fokus nou, is om met vrouens oral te deel, soos jy liewe mens, hoe om die oorvloedige lewe te vind wat Hy geskep het vir jou om te lewe.   

It is no longer enough for me to want this life for myself, and to be the “companion” for our Heavenly Husband as I know He deserves and longs for. I long to be His lover, and I want to draw as many passionate lovers to Him as possible—as many as I can, and for as long as I live this life that He has given me here on earth.

Dit is nie meer vir my genoeg om hierdie lewe net vir myself te wil hê nie, en om die “metgesel” vir ons Hemelse Man te wees nie soos ek weet Hy verdien en na hunker. Ek hunker om Sy beminde te wees, en ek wil soveel passievolle bemindes na Hom toe laat nader—soveel as wat ek kan, en vir so lank as wat ek hierdie lewe lewe wat Hy my hier op die aarde gegee het. 

What you will find, as you venture upon this “journey of a lifetime” is a life that explodes with JOY that is truly unspeakable. It is every promise hoped for, now lived. It is beyond anything that you have even hoped for, cried for, or could have ever even imagined. All that you have becomes nothing in comparison to what you are about to receive through your relationship with the Lover of your soul, and from the hand of Him who longs for you!

Wat jy sal vind, soos wat jy uitgaan op hierdie “reistog van ‘n leeftyd” is ‘n lewe wat ontplof met VREUGDE wat werklik onuitspreeklik is. Dit is elke belofte waarvoor gehoop is, nou beleef. Dit is bo enige iets wat jy voor kan hoop, oor gehuil het, of selfs kon indink. Alles wat jy het word niks in vergelyking met wat jy op die punt staan om te ontvang deur jou verhouding met die Beminde van jou siel, en van die hand van Hom wat na jou hunker! 

I pray that this chapter, too, will create an even greater yearning that is so deep, and a desire that is so passionate, that you will begin to tell the Lord just how you (want to) feel about Him. Each time you hurt, you are bewildered, you are alone, or you feel you just cannot go on, you need to get to a quiet place (even if that is the quietness of your own mind when there is noise surrounding you) and tell Him that HE is all you want and HE is all that you need. 

Ek bid dat hierdie hoofstuk ook, ‘n groter hunkering sal skep wat so diep is, en ‘n begeerte wat so passievol is, dat jy sal begin om die Here te vertel net hoe jy oor Hom (wil) voel. Elke keer wat jy seerkry, jy verbouereerd is, jy alleen is, of jy voel jy kan nie aangaan nie, moet jy na ‘n stil plekkie toe gaan (al is daardie stil plekkie in jou eie gedagtes wanneer daar ‘n geraas om jou is) en sê vir Hom dat HY al is wat jy wil hê en dat HY al is wat jy nodig het.    

Tell Jesus that since you have Him, you have everything that you will ever need to make you happy, secure, loved, and complete. 

Sê vir Jesus dat vandat jy Hom het, dat jy alles het wat jy ooit sal nodig hê om jou gelukkig, veilig, bemin, en volledig te maak.  

In closing, let me share some more words from the song that I opened with.

Ter afsluiting, laat my nog woorde van die liedjie waarmee ek geopen het met jou deel. 

“In your weakness, He is stronger, 

In your darkness, He shines through. 

When you’re crying, He’s your comfort, 

When you’re all alone, He’s CARRYING you!”

“In jou swakheid, is Hy sterker,

In jou donkerte, skyn Hy deur

Wanneer jy huil,  is Hy jou troos,

Wanneer jy heeltemal alleen is, DRA Hy jou!”