“So then, if while her husband is living
she is joined to another man,
she shall be called an adulteress;
but if her husband dies, she is free from the law,
so that she is not an adulteress
though she is joined to another man.”
—Romans 7:3

“Maar as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word so lank as haar man lewe,
sal sy as ‘n egbreekster beskou word.
As haar man gesterf het, is sy egter vry van die wet,
en is sy nie ‘n egbreekster
as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word nie.”
—Romeine 7:3

Dear Michele,

Hi, my name is Anita and I am a member of Restoration Ministries International. I read your Bible study today and I feel I have to share something the Lord has led me to in His Word concerning a certain part of the “Wise Woman Study,” specifically, “I Hate Divorce!” Something I think you must have missed. This is something the Lord had shown me quite some time ago and I know I have written about it before. It concerns the part “Should I restore this marriage or go back to my first husband?” under “An Adulterous Foundation.” It is in Deuteronomy; please pay particular attention to verse four as this is my concern for which I write to you this morning.

Liewe Michele,

Hi, my naam is Anita en ek is ‘n lid van Herstel Ministeries Internasionaal. Ek het jou Bybel studie vandag gelees en voel ek moet iets deel waartoe die Here my in Sy Woord gelei het aangaande ‘n sekere deel van die “Wyse Vrou Studie,” spesifiek, “Ek Haat Egskeiding!” Iets wat ek dink jy moes gemis het. Dit is iets wat die Here my ‘n geruime tyd terug gewys het en ek weet ek het voorheen daaroor geskryf. Dit gaan oor die deel “Moet ek hierdie huwelik herstel of moet ek terug gaan na my eerste man toe?”onder“‘n Owerspelige Grondslag.” Dit is in Deutronomium; skenk besonders aandag aan vers vir aangesien dit my kommer is en die rede hoekom ek vanoggend aan julle skryf.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 KJV, “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Deutronomium 24:1-4 AFR 83, “Wanneer ‘n man met ‘n vrou trou , kan dit gebeur dat hy haar nie meer liefhet nie omdat hy iets onbetaamlik aan haar gevind het. Dan mag hy ‘n skeibrief skryf en dit vir haar gee en haar uit sy huis uit wegstuur. 

And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; verse 4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.”

Sy kan dan uit sy huis uit gaan en met ‘n ander man trou. As haar tweede man haar ook later nie meer liefhet nie en ‘n skeibrief skryf en dit vir haar gee en haar uit sy huis uit wegstuur, of as haar tweede man sterf, mag haar eerste man wat haar weggestuur het, nie weer met haar trou nie. Sy is verontreinig, en as hy weer met haar trou, sal dit vir die Here iets afskuweliks wees. Jy mag nie die land wat die Here jou God vir jou as besitting sal gee, onder jou sonde laat ly nie.  

I hope this is helpful and will prompt you to change your direction. Thank you for listening. I’ve appreciated your helping so many of us understand the true Word of the Lord when so many of us are so desperately in need! GOD WILL NOT LET IT GO UNNOTICED; ALL OF YOUR LABOR OF LOVE! Peace in the Lord! 

Ek hoop dit is helpvol en sal jou aanhits om jou rigting te verander. Dankie vir die luister. Ek het waardeer jou hulp om die ware Woord van die Wet te verstaan wanneer so baie van ons desperaat behoeftig is! GOD SAL DIT NIE ONGEMERK LAAT GAAN NIE; AL JOU LIEFDES WERK! Vrede in die Here! 

~ Anita

When I got this email I wrote to my secretary and asked if she’d respond with, “Can you write to Anita and tell her I totally agree with the verse and her opinion? Also let her know that I will prayerfully consider what she has shared and will seek the Lord about it, then speak to Erin,” which I did.

Toe ek hierdie epos gekry het het ek vir my sekretaresse geskryf en gevra of sy reageer het met, “Kan jy vir Anita skryf en vir haar vertel dat ek heeltemal met die vers en haar opinie saamstem? Laat haar ook weet dat ek in gebed sal oorweeg wat sy gedeel het en die Here daaroor sal nastreef, en dan met Erin praat,” wat ek gedoen het. 

What Erin and I discussed was that the main reason Erin left that portion in A Wise Woman is because it has always been her desire that all women seek the Lord concerning her own personal situation since each of our relationships with the Lord is the most important thing in anyone’s life—even more important than a woman’s marriage. 

Wat Erin en ek bespreek het was die hof rede hoekom sy daardie deel in n Wyse Vrou weggelaat het omdat dit altyd danksy haar begeerte dat alle vrouens die Here nastreef aangaande haar eie persoonlike situasie aangesien elke een van ons verhoudings met die Here die mees belangrikste ding is in enige iemand se lewe—selfs meer belangrik as ‘n vrou se huwelik.

My life, like yours, has without any doubt been a journey, and like me, very often we have thought about the mistakes in our past that we each, later, found clearly in Scripture that we had been wrong. At that point in time, when I was personally reading and teaching A Wise Woman, I never really understood of that particular principle, a principle that had caused me to make this “mistake” and what many other women began to challenge me about soon after Anita did. All I could do was wonder how I’d missed it.

My lewe, soos joune, is sonder twyfel ‘n reistog, en soos ek, het ons baie dikwels aan al die foute gedink uit ons verlede dat elkeen, later, duidelik in Die Skrif gevind het dat ons verkeerd was. Op daardie tydstip. Toe ek persoonlik ‘n Wyse Vrou gelees en onderrig het, ek het nooit daardie spesifieke deel van die beginsel verstaan nie, ‘n beginsel wat veroorsaak het dat ek daardie “fout”begaan het en waaroor ander vrouens my begin uitdaag het binnekort na Anita dit gedoen het. Al wat ek kon doen was wonder heo ek dit gemis het.

Darling bride, have you ever felt that way? Wondering how or why God didn’t stop you or open your eyes to something before it took you on a journey that, looking back, you would rather have missed living through? Painfully realizing that due to this misstep, that could have been avoided, you are suffering the consequences of due to being so ignorant? It wasn’t prior to you knowing the Lord or prior to knowing His word. It was almost like He pointed you in the wrong direction. 

Liefling bruid, het jy ooit so gevoel? Gewonder hoe of hoekom God jou nie gekeer het of jou oë oopgemaak het vir iets voordat jy hierdie reis geneem het nie, en om terug te kyk, sou jy dit eerder gemis het as om daardeur te gaan? En pynlik besef dat as gevolg van hierdie misstap, wat kon voorkom gewees het, lei jy onder die nagevolge van ignorasie? Dit was nie voordat jy geweet het van die Here of voordat jy Hom en Sy woord leer ken het. Dit was amper asof Hy jou in die verkeerde rigting gelei het.

My Plan

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think” (Isaiah 55:8-11: The Message).

“Die Here sê: Ek dink heeltemal anders as julle. Ek doen dinge ook heeltemal anders as wat julle dit doen. Soos die wolke ver bo die aarde is, is die manier waarop Ek dinge doen ook ver bo die manier waarop julle dit doen. Hoe Ek dink, is ook baie ver van die manier waarop julle dink” (Jesaja 55:8-11: Die Boodskap).   

Just recently, specifically on a recent traveling tour that took me through South America, Africa, and Europe which I am only two days from completing, I found myself asking the Lord about many of my “mistakes.” Why I had made them, and more pointedly, why my Beloved had not stopped me from making them. To my incredible surprise He told me that these were not mistakes, but each were part of His plan for my life! So I stopped to ponder long what He’d just said. As each “mistake” came to my mind, the outcome, especially on some of my most regrettable mistakes, had turned out to be the ones that brought me closer to my Lord, my Lover, my Husband and my Best Friend. So, I thought, if this is what our mistakes do for us, I then began to finally comprehend that there is never any reason for any of us to regret our past, and that means never having to worry about our future, worrying about any mistakes we could make. 

Net onlangs, spesifiek op ‘n onlangse reis toer wat my deur Suid Amerika geneem het, Afrika, en Europa wat ek twee dae weg is om te voltooi, ek het myself gevind die Here vra oor baie van my “foute.” Hoekom ek hulle gemaak het, en meer tot die punt, hoekom my Beminde my  nie gekeer het om hulle te maak nie. Tot my ongelooflike verrassing het Hy my vertel dat hulle nie foute was nie, maar elke een was deel van Sy plan vir my lewe! So ek het gestop en lank gedink oor wat Hy nounet gesê het. Soos wat elke “fout” in my gedagtes opgekom het, die uitkoms, spesiaal oor meeste van my foute wat ek spyt oor het, het uitgedraai om die te wees wat my nader aan die Here gebring het, my Minnaar, my Man en my Beste Vriend. So, ek het gedink, as dit is wat ons foute vir ons doen, begin ek om heeltemal te begryp dat daar nooit enige rede is vir ons om spyt te wees oor ons verlede nie, en dit beteken om nooit bekommerd te wees oor ons toekoms, bekommerd oor enige foute wat ons mag maak nie.   

This revelation held immeasurable truth for me, and I also finally understood it’s what “Perfect love that casts out all fear” really meant! Just imagine no longer being fearful of making mistakes—so we become free and are able to let go of all our worries. Finally, with all fear gone, we can freely love Him as He deserves to be loved—for loving Him is the reason for our entire existence. And when you couple your future with the knowledge that any mistakes we make are intended to be used for our good, along with all the mistakes of our past (that we once felt we couldn’t let go of), we are finally free to enjoy living the Abundant Life that He died to give us!

Die openbaring het onmeetbare waarheid vir my ingehou, en ek het finaal verstaan wat “volmaakte liefde verdryf vrees” regtig beteken! Kan jy jou net voorstel om nooit bang te wees om foute te maak nie—so ons word vry en is in staat om van al ons bekommernisse te laat gaan.Uiteindelik, met alle vrees weg, kan ons Hom vrylik liefhê en is in staat om al ons bekommernisse te laat vaar. Uiteindelik, met al ons vrees weg, kan ons Hom vrylik liefhê soos wat Hy verdien om liefgehê te word—om Hom lief te hê is die rede vir ons algehele bestaan. En as jy jou toekoms koppel met die kennis dat enige foute wat ons maak bedoel is ten goede, saam met al die foute uit ons verlede (wat ons eens op ‘n tyd gevoel het ons nie van kon ontslae raak nie),  is ons is uiteindelik vry om die Oorvloedige Lewe te lei waarvoor Hy gesterf het om vir ons te gee.  

In that moment, no longer plagued with the guilt and weight of being divorced, and why I had remarried, I was now free to simply love: love and be loved by my new Husband; love and be loved by my children; love and be loved by everyone else the Lord puts on my heart—and it is the same for you too!

In daardie oomblik, nie meer getreiter met die skuld en gewig om geskei te wees nie, en hoekom ek weer getrou het, was ek nou vry om eenvoudig lief te hê: om lief te hê of bemin te word deur my nuwe Man; lief te hê en bemin te word deur my kinders; lief te hê en bemin te word deur enige iemand anders wat die Here op my hart plaas—en dit is dieselfde vir jou ook!  

No, I have not forgotten that I said this would be a continuation of the previous chapter, when I left you hanging with trying to understand what the Lord meant when He told me that “you can’t” in regard to restoring my marriage to my ex-husband. Many of you may have already been able to figure out why “I can’t” when you read the opening verse:

Nee, ek het nie vergeet dat ek gesê het dat dit ‘n voortsetting van die vorige hoofstuk sal wees nie, toe ek jou hangend gelos het om te probeer verstaan wat die Here bedoel het toe Hy my vertel het dat “jy kan nie” ten opsigte van my herstelde huwelik aan my eks-man. Baie van julle mag alreeds in staat gewees het om uit te pluis hoekom “ek nie kan nie” toe jy die openings vers gelees het:  

“So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man” (Romans 7:3). 

“Maar as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word so lank as haar man leef, sal sy as ‘n egbreekster beskou word. As haar man gesterf het, is sy egter vry van die wet en is nie ‘n egbreekster as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word nie” (Romeine 7:3) 

Since my first husband and my second husband are both still alive, if I were to restore my marriage (which would mean me marrying my ex-husband a second time, since I am divorced), then I would be an adulteress—again!

Aangesien my eerste man en my tweede man albei nog lewe, as ek my huwelik herstel (wat sal beteken dat ek met my eks-man vir ‘n tweede keer trou, aangesien ek geskei is), dan sal ek weer ‘n egbreekster wees! 

Yes, again. For all those years, those very difficult and painful years of marriage, I was nothing more than an adulteress. My first marriage lasted only one month, my second marriage to my ex-husband was a long and laborious struggle for nearly 24 years—years of his unfaithfulness and my misery, as I tried desperately to be a different wife, a woman worthy to be loved by him.

Ja, weer. Vir al daardie jare, daardie pynvolle en moeilike jare van huwelik, was ek niks meer as ‘n egbreekster nie. My eerste huwelik het net een maand gehou, my tweede huwelik aan my eks- man was n lang en moeisame gesukkel vir amper 24 jaar—jare van sy ontrouheid en my ellende, soos wat ek desperaat probeer het om ‘n ander vrou te wees, ‘n vrou wat waardig was om deur hom bemin te wees.

Then, with the log in my own eye, I tried to take the speck out of all those OWs who had stolen our husbands. To my surprise, when the Lord revealed the state of my own existence, that I was living as an adulteress, all of it began to make sense. The years of feeling unloved by my husband, who left me twice for other women, was all about me, never about him. Maybe that is why I never felt anything but compassion for the woman that my husband recently married—I knew that if not for the grace of God, I too, would be looking for another man to marry me after being rejected, which ultimately would result in another failed marriage and me being an adulteress, again.

Dan, met die balk in my eie oog, het ek probeer om die spikkel uit al daardie AVs te haal wie ons mans gesteel het. Tot my verbasing, toe die Here my eie staat van bestaan aan my openbaar het, dat ek as ‘n egbreekster gelewe het, het dit alles vir my begin sin maak. Die jare om onbemin te voel deur my man, wie my twee keer vir ander vrouens gelos het, was alles oor my, nooit oor hom nie. Miskien is dit hoekom ek nooit medelye gevoel het vir die vrou met wie my man onlangs getroud is nie—ek het geweet dat as dit nie was vir God se genade nie, sou ek ook, vir ‘n ander man soek om mee te trou nadat ek verwerp is, wat uitermaterlik sou gelei het tot tot ‘n mislukte huwelik en ek wat weer, ‘n egbreekster is.   

For all those years I’d lived as an adulteress and didn’t even know it. Yes, true, our society recognizes divorce as ending an unwanted marriage, and then accepts remarriage as legal; however, even in Erin’s books (I taught and ministered with), I was blind to the Bible verses like:

Vir al daardie jare het ek as ‘n egbreekster gelewe en dit nie eens geweet nie. Ja, waar, ons samelewing erken egskeiding as die beëindiging van ‘n ongewenste huwelik, en aanvaar hertrou as wettig; nietemin, selfs in Erin se boeke (waarmee  ek onderrig en geminister het), was ek blind vir die Bybel met verse soos: 

“So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man” (Romans 7:3). 

“Maar as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word so lank as haar man leef, sal sy as ‘n egbreekster beskou word. As haar man gesterf het, is sy egter vry van die wet en is nie ‘n egbreekster as sy ‘n ander man se vrou word nie” (Romeine 7:3) 

 “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

“Maar ek sê vir julle: Elkeen wat van sy vrou skei behalwe oor owerspel, maak dat sy egbreuk pleeg, en iemand wat met die geskeide vrou trou pleeg ook egbreuk.” (Matteus 5:32).

Since my first husband divorced me, and then I married a second time, I therefore, commit adultery (since my first husband was living). Though I never saw it that way, we both reaped the consequences nevertheless.

Aangesien my eerste man my geskei het, en toe vir ‘n tweede keer getroud is, het ek egbreek gepleeg (omdat my eerste man nog lewendig was). Alhoeweel ek dit noiit so gesien het nie, het on albei nietemin die nagevolge gedra.

“To keep you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, do not let her catch you with her eyelids. For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, and an adulteress hunts for the precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out” (Proverbs 6:24–33).

“My onderrig sal jou beskerm teen die slegte vrou van ‘n ander wat jou met haar gladde tong wil verlei. Moenie dat haar skoonheid jou begeerte wek nie, moenie dat sy jou vang met haar oë nie. Jy kan ‘n prostituut kry vir ‘n stuk brood, maar owerpel kan jou lewe kos. Kan jy kole vuur in die vou van jou klere inhark sonder dat jou klere aan die brand raak?  Maar ‘n man wat owerspel pleeg, moet van sy verstand af wees, iemand wat dit doen , verwoes sy lewe. Hy sal slae op die lyf loop en verneder word, sy skande sal nooit uitgewis word nie” (Spreuke 6:24-33).

 Financially, while married, we had always struggled. In addition, how true that “wounds and disgrace” did find my husband and that “reproach” was never blotted out. Back when I first found RMI, the Lord did open my eyes, just a bit, concerning this principle when I was seeking God to restore my marriage. While reading these verses I realized that it was me who had caused my husband (at the time) to commit adultery, since I had been married before when I married him. About half way in my restoration journey, late one evening when he had come to visit our small children, I repented and told him, “I know that everyone is looking at you because you are living with this other woman and committing adultery, but I am the one who made you an adulterer, so they should look at me and blame me” and pointed to this verse, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

Finansieel, terwyl ons getroud was, het ons altyd gesukkel. Ter aanvulling, hoe waar dat “ slae en vernedering” my man gevind het en daardie “skande” was nooit uitgewis nie. Terug toe ek eers HMI gevind het, het die Here my oë , net ‘n bietjie,  opgemaak aangaande hierdie beginsel toe ek God nagestreef het om my huwelik te herstel. Terwyl ek hierdie verse gelees het het ek besef dit was ek wat destyds veroorsaak het dat my man owerspel pleeg, aangesien ek voorheen getroud was toe ek met hom getroud is . Omtrent halfpad deur my herstel reis, laat een aand toe hy gekom het om besoek by ons klein kinders af te lê, het ek gebieg en vir hom gesê, “ek weet dat almal na jou kyk omdat jy saam hierdie ander vrou bly en egbreek pleeg, maar ek is die een wat jou ‘n egbreker gemaak het, so hulle moet na my kyk en my blameer” en ek het die vers vir hom uitgewys,  “Maar ek sê vir julle: Elkeen wat van sy vrou skei behalwe oor owerspel, maak dat sy egbreuk pleeg, en iemand wat met die geskeide vrou trou pleeg ook egbreuk.” (Matteus 5:32). 

So strange that I never thought for one single moment, not then nor when we remarried after our divorce when He restored us, that to marry him again would mean that I, once again, would be living in adultery. I did have other people tell me that I would be, but that only made me feel condemned, and that they were judging me legalistically, knowing I was under His grace. So now do you understand why God never revealed this truth to my heart or opened my eyes to this principle? And quite possibly why you’re newly discovering errors you’ve made that He never prevented you from making?

So vreemd dat ek nooit gedink het vir een enkele oomblik, nie toe en ook nie toe ons weer getroud is na ons egskeiding toe Hy ons herstel het, dat om weer met hom te trou sou beteken dat ek, weereens, in owerspel sou leef. Ek het ander mense gehad wat vir my vertel het dat ek sou, maar dit het my net vervloek maak voel, en dat hulle legalisties geoordeel het, wetend dat ek onder Sy grasie was. So nou verstaan jy hoekom God hierdie waarheid nooit aan my hart openbaar het of my oë oopgemaak het vir hierdie beginsel nie? En heel moontlik hoekom jy nuut gevonde foute wat jy gemaak het wat Hy jou nooit voorkom het om te maak ontdek het.  

It is because we are all on a journey. A journey of growing, learning and becoming wise. We are not born wise, with all knowledge or understanding, and therefore, I believe that not all of God’s principles are we able to absorb or are able to grasp because it’s not yet time to. It’s the same with our children: young children are unable to grasp their nakedness, just as if they were still living in the Garden of Eden. You can tell them that they shouldn’t walk around unclothed, and you do your best to cover them up, but it does no good until they are able to grasp and understand this truth. 

Dit is omdat ons almal op ‘n reis is. ‘n reis van groei, leer en wys wording. Ons is nie wys gebore nie, met alle kennis of verstandhouding nie, en daarom, glo ek dat ons nie in staat is om al God se beginsels te absorbeer of in staat is om te begryp omdat dit nog nie tyd is nie. Dit is dieselfde met ons kinders: jong kinders is nie in staat m hulle naaktheid te begryp nie, net soos asof hulle nog in die Tuin van Eden is. Jy kan hulle vertel dat hulle nie sonder klere moet rondloop nie, en die beste doen om hulle te bedek, maar dit doen niks goed totdat hulle in staat is is om die waarheid aan te gryp en te verstaan nie.

During the time of my own ignorance to being an adulteress, God worked it all out for good, not just for me, but for so many others. Isn’t that amazing? In my ignorance God blessed me with a ministry and also 2 restoration babies born after my I was restored— even though I ignorantly had entered back into adultery.

Gedurende die tyd van my eie onkunde van ‘n egbreekster te wees, het God dit alles ten goede uitgewerk, nie net vir my nie, maar vir so baie ander. Is dit nie ongelooflik nie? In my onkunde  het God my geseën met ‘n ministerie en ook 2 herstel babas wat gebore is na ek herstel is— selfs al het ek destyds onkundig terug in owerspel gegaan. 

Maybe you’re not convinced, and you believe that for me to remarry my ex-husband again would be okay, that the blood of Jesus covers my sin, because He’d done it before. Actually I agree that His blood does cover the sin, any sin. However, He no longer wants me to live with the consequences of being an adulteress. In addition, I believe for me to enter into remarriage, now that my eyes are open to the truth, would mean I would not be just transgressing—I would be entering into sin willfully. As Erin wrote in one of her books, this also applies to me: 

Miskien is jy nie oortuig nie, en jy glo dat vir my om weer met my eks-man te trou sal reg wees, dat die bloed van Jesus my sonde sal bedek, omdat Hy dit voorheen gedoen het. Eintlik stem ek saam dat Sy bloed die sonde bedek. Nietemin, wil Hy nie hê dat ek moet langer met die nagevolge van ‘n egbreekster lewe nie. Ter aanvulling, glo ek dat vir my om weer te trou, noudat my oë oop is vir die waarheid, sal beteken dat ek net agteruitgaaan—ek sou dan wilvol sonde pleeg. Soos wat Erin in een van haar boeke geskryf het, dit geld ook vir my:

“For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins. How much more severe a punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled underfoot the Son of God. Vengeance is mine, I will repay. The Lord will judge His people. It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:26–31).

“Wanneer ons opsetlik bly sondig nadat ons die kennis van die waarheid ontvang het, is daar geen offer meer wat ons sondes kan wegneem nie. Daar bly alleen ‘n verskriklike verwagting oor van oordeel en ‘n gloeiende vuur wat die teenstanders van God sal verteer. Dit is mý reg om te straf; Ek sal vergeld. Die Here sal oor sy volk oordeel. Dit is verskriklik om in die hande van die lewende God te val” (Hebreërs 10:26-31).

And, “This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done nothing wrong’” (Proverbs 30:20).

En, “Die ontroue vrou het haar eie manier: sy eet en vee haar mond af en sê: “Ek het niks verkeerds gedoen nie.”’ (Spreuke 30:20).

Finally, “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). This means, for me to remarry now would mean that both my first and second husband would have to be deceased. Unless of course it was something He told me to do.

Finaal, “‘n Vrou is aan haar man gebind so lank as hy lewe. As hy sterwe, is sy vry om te trou met wie sy wil, mits dit met ‘n gelowige is” (1 Korintiërs 7:39).

Would He, could He ask someone to do something that was wrong? Actually, I did ask, and that’s when He reminded me about Hosea, and for him as a priest to marry Gomer, a publically know adulteress, “Then the Lord said to me [Hosea], ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress’” (Hosea 3:1). Many speculate about whether or not Gomer married another man after leaving Hosea, but I believe the message is the same. Being a priest they were to keep pure, if not, their children (and generations following) would be polluted. Because Hosea had to have known this, being a priest, he knowingly went against what His Word said, listening to what He personally told him to do.

Sou Hy, kan Hy iemand vra om iets te doen wat verkeerd is? Eintlik, ek het gevra, en dit is toe dat Hy my herinner het aan Hosea, en vir hom as ‘n priester om met Gomer te trou, ‘n bekende publieke egbreekster, “Die Here het vir my gesê:[Hosea] Gaan knoop weer ‘n liefdesverhouding aan met ‘n vrou wat vir ander mans lief is en egbreuk pleeg,”’ (Hosea 3:1). Baie spekuleer of Gomer met ‘n ander man getrou het nadat sy Hosea gelos het, maar ek glo die boodskap is dieselfde. Om ‘n priester te wees moes hulle hulleself rein hou, indien nie, sou hulle kinders (en generasies wat volg) besmet wees. Omdat Hosea dit moes geweet het, omdat hy ‘n priester was, het hy wetend gegaan teen wat Sy Woord sê, en geluister na wat Hy persoonlik vir hom vertel het om te doen.

“What about Me?”

“Wat van My?”

Dear, dear, precious one. What I have shared with you in this chapter is my own personal walk to finding freedom: freedom to love and be loved, no longer longing to be loved by someone who maybe never even loved me at all. If you feel hopeless and helpless after reading about my journey, maybe because you have been hoping for your second marriage to be restored, please don’t despair. 

Liewe, liewe, kosbare een. Wat ek met jou in hierdie hoofstuk gedeel het is my eie persoonlike wandel om vryheid te vind: vryheid om lief te hê en bemin te word, en nie meer te hunker om bemin te word deur iemand wat my miskien dalk glad nooit bemin het nie. As jy hopeloos en hulpeloos voel nadat jy van my reis gehoor het, miskien omdat jy gehoop het vir jou tweede huwelik om herstel te word, moet asseblief nie wanhopig raak nie.  

When the Lord speaks to you, when speaking to each of us personally, what He calls you to do will never be a burden or end badly. First, He says, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:29–30). And “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Wanneer die Here met jou praat, wanneer Hy met elke een van ons persoonlik praat, wat Hy jou geroep het om te doen sal nooit ‘n las wees of sleg eindig nie. Eerstens, sê Hy, “ Neem my juk op julle en leer van My, want Ek is sagmoedig en nederig van hart, en julle sal rus kry vir julle gemoed. My juk is sag en my las lig” (Matteus 11:29-30). En “‘ Ek weet wat Ek vir julle beplan, sê die Here: voorspoed en nie teenspoed nie; Ek wil vir julle ‘n toekoms gee, ‘n verwagting!”’ (Jeremia 29:11).

God has called each of us to travel a different, unique, one-of-a-kind journey with His son, our beloved Husband. It was never intended to be traveled alone, because the purpose of taking it, with each valley and difficulty, was to experience His love, a love witnessed by others. 

God het elke een van ons geroep om ‘n verskillende, unieke, enig in sy soort reis met Sy seun, ons beminde Man te reis. Dit was nooit bedoel om alleen gereis te word nie, omdat die doel daarvan, met elke vallei en moeilikheid, is om Sy liefde te ervaar, ‘n liefde wat deur ander attesteer word.

In addition, the journey He’s called me to take is not and will never be exactly like yours or anyone else’s. Let me give you an example. Very often when I speak to women who have been transformed by His love and bring up the subject about them “ministering,” very often the women panic and blurt out they can’t speak in front of a bunch of people! Yet ministering has many parts as it says and is explained in 1 Corinthians 12:12-16, “For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body... For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body.”   

Ter aanvulling, die reis wat Hy my geroep het om te neem is nie en sal nooit presies wees soos joune of enige iemand anders sin nie. Laat my jou ‘n voorbeeld gee. Baie dikwels wanneer ek met vrouens praat wie hervorm is deur Sy liefde en die onderwerp noem oor hulle “ministering,” sal baie vrouens dikwels paniekerig raak en uitblaker dat hulle nie voor ‘n klomp mense kan praat nie! Tog het ministering baie dele en soos dit sê en dit verduidelik is in 1 Korintiërs 12:12-16, “Net soos die liggaam ‘n eenheid is en baie lede het, en soos al die lede saam, al is hulle baie, een liggaam vorm . . . Die liggaam bestaan ook nie net uit een lid nie, maar uit baie. As die voet sou sê: “Omdat ek nie ‘n hand is nie, is ek nie deel van die liggaam nie,” hou hy om dié rede tog nie op om deel van die liggaam te wees nie. En as die oor sou sê: “Omdat ek nie ‘n oog is nie, is ek nie deel van die liggaam nie,”    

Though I never wanted to, and I never dreamed He’d call me to, He did open the doors for me to speak publically and also to travel. Though traveling may be your dream job, traveling (before He called me), was something that was terrifying to me. Yet now, I could never imagine never having met women who live in an entirely different culture, miles away, who I instantly fell in love with, and who intimately became my dearest, closest friends. 

Alhoewel ek nooit wou nie, en ek nooit gedroom het Hy my daartoe sou geroep het nie, het Hy die deure vir my oop gemaak om in die openbaar te praat en ook om te reis. Alhoewel reis jou droom werk mag wees, reis (voordat Hy my geroep het), was iets wat my verskrik gemaak het. Tog nou, kan ek nie voorstel dat ek nooit vrouens sou ontmoet het wat in ‘n heeltemal anderse kultuur lewe nie, myle weg, op wie ek dadelik verlief geraak het, en wie intiem my liefste en naaste vriende geword het. 

This, my dear bride, is why your journey and your future should never be compared to anyone else’s. He has designed a perfect future for you, for each one of us, designed as uniquely as He created our fingerprints.

 Dit, my liewe bruid, is hoekom jou reis en jou toekoms nooit met iemand anders sin vergelyk moet word nie. Hy het ‘n perfekte toekoms vir jou geskep, vir elke een van ons, ontwerp so uniek as wat Hy ons vingerafdrukke geskep het.

If you are currently seeking restoration for a second marriage, do not let where I am in my journey or what He’s led me to do discourage you, and do not attempt to follow in my path. Don’t let the consequences I lived through discourage you either. If I’d listened to others who told me back then I was wrong, I would never have a ministry nor would I have my two daughters! 

As jy huidig herstel nastreef vir ‘n tweede huwelik, moet nie laat waar ek in my reis is of wat Hy my gelei het om te doen jou ontmoedig nie, en moet nie ‘n poging aanwend om in my pad te volg nie. Moet ook nie laat die nagevolge waardeur ek geleef het jou ontmoedig nie. As ek na ander geluister het wat my destyds ertel het dat ek verkeerd was, sou ek nooit ‘n ministerie of my twee dogters gehad het nie!

Also, please remember, this is why we hurt others and ourselves when we look with wonder as we see women who “appear” a certain way. Like if we see a woman who appears to be loved and cherished by her husband and wonder why it wasn’t or isn’t this way for us. I did this very thing and often found out later that what appeared one way was not at all the reality. And this is also why it’s dangerous to follow doctrine when we were designed to develop a close enough relationship with Him, so He would lead us personally, because this is how God designed us to be, with our Husband as His bride traveling through life before meeting with Him face-to-face when we leave this earth. 

Ook, onthou asseblief dit is hoekom ons ander en onsself seermaak wanneer ons in verwondering toekyk wanneer ons vrouens sien op ‘n sekere manier “voorkom”. Soos as ons ‘n vrou sien wat lyk asof sy deur haar man bemin en gekoester is en hoekom dit nie vir ons was of is nie . Ek het hierdie einste ding gedoen net om later uit te vind dat wat een manier voorgekom het glad nie die realiteit was nie. En dit is ook hoekom dit gevaarlik is om doktrine te volg wanneer ons ontwerp was om n‘noue verhouding met Hom te ontwikkel, sodat Hy ons persoonlik kan lei, omdat dit is hoe God ons ontwerp het om te wees, met ons Man en as Sy bruid wat deur die lewe reis voordat ons Hom van aangesig tot aangesig ontmoet wanneer ons hierdie wêreld verlaat.  

If I’ve learned anything it’s that God cannot be put in a box, and when we try to through doctrine, He will break out of this limiting mold supernaturally, and show we are wrong. We witnessed this in Jesus’ life with His miracles, and even who He chose to heal—never once did He heal anyone the same way twice: sometimes He spoke, sometimes He spit. Sometimes miracles happened instantaneously, and one time it took Jesus two times for the blind man to see. Again, what He was showing us is that we can never put Him or His power in a box or be able to really figure Him out. Instead, He designed us to spend that effort and time pressing our hearts and lives toward His— where we will be free from worry, wondering and fretting—as His loving bride, trusting our Bridegroom for everything, walking hand-in-hand, or having Him carry us when it becomes difficult or we are weary.

As ons enigiets geleer het dan is dit dat God nie in 'n boks geplaas kan word nie, en wanneer ons dit probeer doen deur doktrine, sal Hy bonattuurlik uit hierdie beperkbare  vorm uitbreek, en wys dat ons verkeerd is. Ons het hiervan in Jesus se lewe getuig met Sy wonderwerke , en ook wie Hy verkies om te genees—nooit het Hy enigiemand op dieselfde manier twee keer genees nie: somtyds het Hy gepraat, somtyds het Hy gespoeg. Somtyds het wonderwerke onmiddellik gebeur, en een keer het dit Jesus twee keer geneem vir die blinde man om te sien. Weer, het Hy ons gewys dat ons nooit vir Hom of Sy krag in 'n boks kan sit of in staat wees om Hom regtig uit te pluis nie. In plaas daarvan, het Hy ons ontwerp om daardie poging en tyd te neem om ons harte en lewens na Syne toe te draai— waar ons vry sal wees van bekommernisse, wonder en gekniesery—as Sy liefdevolle bruid, wat ons bruidegom met alles vertrou, hand en hand loop, of Hom om hê wat ons dra wanneer dit moeilik raak of ons mismoedig word. 

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5–6). This verse means that just by “acknowledging” He’s right there next to you, without any pleading or begging or lamenting, He will lead you along the straight path as you face your future.

"Vertrou volkome op die Here en moenie op jou eie insigte staatmaak nie. Ken Hom in alles wat jy doen en Hy sal jou die regte pad laat loop" (Spreuke 3:5-6). Hierdie vers beteken dat deur Hom net "te ken" is Hy reg daar langs jou sonder 'n gesoebat of betreuring, Hy sal jou op die reguit pad lei soos wat jy jou toekoms in die gesig staar.

Speaking of your future, many of you may still be hoping that someday you will have children, as you panic watching your biological clock ticking down, even faster as you approach 30 or 40 years old. Right now He is asking you, “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” (Jeremiah 32:27). Will you answer Him, “Ah Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You”! (Jeremiah 32:17), or will you instead choose to shrivel up in despair or seek some sort of manmade solution? As a wiser woman, I know that “Strength and dignity are [your] clothing and [you now will] smile at the future” (Proverbs 31:25).

Praat van die toekoms, baie van julle mag dalk nog hoop dat julle eendag kinders mag hê, soos wat jy paniekerig raak deur jou biologies klok sien aftik, selfs vinniger soos wat jy 30 of 40 jaar oud nader. Reg nou vra Hy jou, "Ek is die Here die God van al die mense. Is iets vir My onmoontlik?" (Jeremia 32:27). Sal jy Hom antwoord, "Ag, Here my God, U het die hemel en die aarde gemaak deur u groot mag. Niks is vir U onmoontlik nie"! (Jeremia 32:17), of sal jy in plaas daarvan verkies om op te krimp in wanhoop of een of ander mens gemaakte oplossing soek? As 'n wyser vrou, weet ek dat "Alles aan haar spreek van 'n sterk n edel persoonlikheid; sy ken geen kommer oor die toekoms nie" Spreuke 31:25).

If your concern is not bearing children in the future, but you are instead in a situation similar to mine, can you honestly say that even though you know that He created the heavens and the earth with His great power and out-stretched arm that your longings now for an earthy husband are impossible for Him to handle??

As jou bekommernis is dat jy nie kinders in die toekoms gaan baar nie, maar in plaas daarvan in 'n situasie eenders as myne is, kan jy eerlik sê dat alhoewel jy weet dat Hy die hemel en die aarde geskep het met Sy groot krag en uitgestrekte arm dat jou hunkering nou  na 'n aardse man onmoontlik vir Hom is om te hanteer??

So what do you do now, in the meantime, when you are in the process of waiting?

So wat om nou, intussen  te doen, wanneer jy in die proses is van wag?

Precious one, remember the chapter “Longing for Whom?” back in my first book Finding Your Abundant Life when it gave proof that to run after the Lord would mean that happiness would run after you? It is truer now than ever dear bride. What is also true is that once you chase after the Lord, and He lets you catch Him—His love will change it all, everything. For there is none like Him, no, not in all this big world.

Kosbare een, onthou die hoofstuk "Hunker na Wie?" terug in my eerste boek Vind Jou Uitbundige Lewe toe dit bewys was dat om agter die Here aan te hardloop sou beteken dat geluk agter jou sal aanhardloop? Dit is nou meer waar as ooit liewe bruid. Wat ook waar is is dat sodra jy agter die Here aanhardloop, en Hy jou toelaat om Hom te vang—Sal Sy liefde dit alles verander, alles. Want daar is niemand soos Hy nie, nee, nie in hierdie hele groot wêreld nie. 

My darling, once again, your Beloved is on bended knee, He is offering His love and all that is good, as He asks for your hand to become His beloved bride. It is my desire, my ultimate passion and life’s mission that you will answer Him with these words, sweetly tell Him . . .

My liefling, weereens, jou Beminde is op gebuigde knie, Hy offer Sy liefde en alles wat goed is, soos  wat Hy vir jou hand vra om Sy beminde bruid te word. Dit is my begeerte, my uiterste passie en lewens missie dat jy Hom met hierdie drie woorde sou antwoord , sê liefdevol vir Hom . . .

My Beloved is mine, and I am His . . .When I found Him whom my soul loves; I held on to Him and would not let him go . . . For I am lovesick.

—Song of Solomon 3:2–4; 5:8.

Die man wat ek liefhet, is myne, en ek syne . . . Ek het hom wat ek liefhet, gekry. Ek het hom vasgegryp en hom nie laat los nie . . . sê vir hom die liefde verteer my.

—Hooglied 2:16; 3:4; 5:6