“There is no fear in love

and the one who fears is not perfected in love”
—1 John 4:18

“Waar liefde is, is daar geen vrees nie

en wie nog vrees, het nie volmaakte liefde nie”
—1Johannes 4:18

 

Someone who suspects their spouse is cheating on them prefers a higher level of snooping by spying or following their spouse. Wow, what a bad and fatal decision this is! Some of the saddest stories I hear are when mothers or fathers take their own children with them when following their spouse to the apartment of the OW or OM. And if that were not enough, some even take the children to the door to confront their spouse—seeing their own father or mother caught in the act of being with this other person and the fight that goes with will be something children will never forget! Talk about damaging your children for life; what a vivid picture that they will be haunted with!! And this is because you can’t help but act like a madman or hysterical woman—this is PAIN. Think of an animal being shot
it runs around mad, out of control.

Iemand wat vermoed dat hul eggenoot hulle verneuk, verkies ‘n hoĂ«r vlak van snuffel deur op hul eggenoot te spioeneer of  hulle te agtervolg. Sjoe, wat ‘n slegte en fatale besluit is dit nie! Van die hartseerste stories wat ek hoor is wanneer ma’s of pa’s hul eie kinders saam met hulle neem wanneer hulle hul eggenoot agtervolg na die woonstel van die AV of AM. En asof dit nie genoeg is nie, neem sommige selfs hulle kinders saam na die deur toe om hul eggenoot te konfronteer—om te sien hoe hul eie ma of pa op heterdaad saam met die ander persoon betrap word en die bakleiery wat daarmee gepaard gaan, sal iets wees wat kinders nooit vergeet nie! Praat van jou kinders lewenslank beskadig; wat ‘n duidelike prentjie wat by hulle sal spook!! En dit omdat jy nie anders kan as om soos ’n malman of histeriese vrou op te tree nie—dit is PYN. Dink aan ‘n dier wat geskiet word
hy hardloop mal rond, buite beheer.

Once I was the first person who came upon a horrible car accident. The one boy was running around out of his mind seeing his cousin who he was sure was dead or dying. Later we found out that this boy who was running had two broken legs! I also, to my horror, saw a boy from our high school hit by a car and thrown in the air, then get up and run away. Later we found out his leg had been broken in five places and his hip was shattered yet out of shock he could still run!

Ek was eenkeer die eerste persoon wat op ‘n aaklige motorongeluk afgekom het. Die een seun het mal rondgeharloop toe hy sy neef sien en seker was dat hy dood of sterwend was. Later het ons uitgevind die seun wat rondgeharloop het, het twee gebreekte bene gehad! Ek het ook, tot my afgryse, ‘n seun van ons hoĂ«rskool gesien wat deur motor getref en deur die lug geslinger was. Later het ek uitgevind sy been was op vyf plekke gebreek en sy heup was vergrys, tog kon hy as gevolg van skok, nog hardloop!

Emotional pain will do this same thing. So, like I did with that young boy, I want to encourage you to sit down, remain calm, because I assure you that everything will be all right. You will get through this, but don’t cause any more damage than what has already been done.

Emosionele pyn sal dieselfde ding doen. So, soos wat ek met daardie jong seun gedoen het, wil  ek jou aanmoedig om te gaan sit en kalm te bly, want ek verseker jou dat alles in orde sal wees. Jy sal hierdeur kom, maar moenie meer skade veroorsaak as wat alreeds aangerig is nie.

Also, all of these responses are exactly what the world would do and even tell you to do! As I said, I fell into this trap and you may already have taken the bait too. But if you haven’t or your friend hasn’t, then make sure they listen to what will happen if they foolishly confront their husband or wife with what they know or suspect.

Al hierdie reaksies is presies wat die wĂȘreld sal doen en selfs vir jou vertel om te doen! Soos ek gesĂȘ het, ek het in hierdie strik getrap en jy mag ook alreeds die aas gevat het. Maar as jy nie het nie, of jou vriend/vriendin het nie, maak seker hulle luister na wat sal gebeur as hulle dwaaslik hul man of vrou konfronteer met wat hulle weet of vermoed.

Once again, let me tell you that the first time my husband was unfaithful (during my first restoration), I made the mistake of telling my husband that I knew he was living with another woman. I knew he was living with someone because the enemy left “bait” (which he always does) of something that seemed “odd” that made me suspect there was someone.

Weereens, laat ek jou vertel toe my man die eerste keer ontrou was (gedurende die eerste herstel), het ek die fout gemaak om vir my man te sĂȘ dat ek geweet het hy woon saam met 'n ander vrou. Ek het geweet hy bly saam met iemand want die vyand het “aas” gelos (wat hy altyd doen) van iets wat “vreemd” gelyk het, wat my laat vermoed het daar is iemand.

When I told my husband that I knew, he cried, said he was sorry, but lived with her for another year! But it did not stop what he was doing, I had basically given the OW my husband on a silver platter—and she took full advantage of it.

Toe ek vir my man gesĂȘ het dat  ek weet, het hy gehuil,  gesĂȘ  hy was jammer,  maar  het  vir nog ‘n  jaar saam met  haar gebly!  Maar dit het nie  ‘n  einde  gemaak  aan wat  hy gedoen  het nie, ek het basies my man op ‘n silwer skinkbord  aan die AV gegee—en  sy het  dit ten volle  benut.

From that moment on, my husband had to tell me that he couldn’t stay, that he had to hurry home to her! Only a day earlier, he would stick around so I wouldn’t suspect that he was living with someone. Oh, what one foolish decision can do!

Van daardie oomblik af moes my man vir my sĂȘ dat hy nie kan bly nie, dat hy hom moes haas  huis toe, na haar toe!  Slegs ‘n dag vroeĂ«r  sou  hy  rondhang  sodat  ek  nie  sou vermoed  dat  hy  saam met iemand gebly het nie.  O, wat een  dwase  besluit  kan doen!

So is there a godly way when discovering that your husband has been unfaithful in his marriage to you? Yes. Let me share this again with more details.

So, is daar ‘n goddelike  manier wanneer jy uitvind dat jou man ontrou is in sy  huwelik  aan jou?
Ja. Laat ek dit weer met meer detail deel.

This time, years later, I was much more prepared. I was told by our counseling pastor many times during our counseling session (oh, God help us!) that there was no doubt that my husband was “once again” involved with another woman, but I kept telling him that he was wrong. On the very same day my sister told me the same thing, “Hey, he has a pattern with adultery, don’t be so stupid.” But again, I said that she was mistaken.

Hierdie keer, jare later, was  ek  baie meer voorbereid. Ons beradingspastoor het verskeie kere  gedurende  ons  beradingsessies  (o, God help ons!) vir my gesĂȘ dat daar geen twyfel was dat  my  man  “weereens” betrokke was  by ‘n ander vrou nie,  maar ek  het aangehou  om vir  hom te sĂȘ dat  hy was verkeerd was. Op dieselfde  dag het  my suster vir my dieselfde ding  gesĂȘ: “Hey, hy het ‘n patroon  met  owerspel, moenie  so dom wees  nie.”  Maar ek het weer gesĂȘ dat sy haar misgis het.

Later that day, however, I could hear those words (from my sister and the counseling pastor) echoing in my ears, which caused my spirit (in my gut) to begin to experience fear. But rather than ignore or give into my fear, I immediately got up and went into my prayer closet, to be alone with the Lord, so I could find my peace again. I went there to feel better, but then the Holy Spirit prompted me to ask if adultery was true.

Later daardie dag  kon ek egter  daardie woorde (van my suster  en  bedieningspastoor) in my ore  hoor  weergalm, wat veroorsaak het dat my gees (gevoel) vrees begin ervaar het. Maar eerder as om my vrees te ignoreer of daarvoor  in te  gee,  het ek dadelik  opgestaan en na my gebedshoekie  toe  gegaan, om alleen saam met die Here te wees, sodat ek weer vrede kon vind. Ek het soontoe gegaan om beter te voel, maar toe spoor  die  Heilige  Gees my aan om te vra  of owerspel waar was.

As soon as I asked (which my mind was saying “why ask when you know it’s not true?”) ever so lovingly and gently, the Lord revealed to me that it was true by showing me in my mind each and every encounter that he had had with her. He even told me her name and showed me the picture of when we had all met at my husband’s reunion two years earlier! The Lord laid out all the evidence before my mind in a matter of seconds. But the revelation and truth came without any pain or fear, because it came from the One who give us His “perfect love” that casts out all fear!

Die oomblik toe ek gevra het  (my verstand het gesĂȘ: “waarom vra as jy weet dit is nie waar nie?”), het die Here, altyd so liefdevol en sag, aan my geopenbaar dat dit waar was deur elke ontmoeting wat hy met haar gehad het in my gedagtes vir my te wys. Hy  het selfs  vir my gesĂȘ wat haar naam  is  en het vir my die foto gewys van toe ons almal  twee  jaar gelede bymekaargekom het vir my man se reĂŒnie!

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love” (1 John 4:18).

“Waar liefde is, is daar geen vrees nie, maar volmaakte liefde verdryf vrees, want vrees verwag straf, en wie nog vrees, het nie volmaakte liefde nie.” (1 Johannes 4:18)

Let me again remind you, so that if you have questions you need to ask the Lord. I asked Him why I hadn’t realized what was going on? That’s when He told me that it was because I had faith like a child, and that I had had my eyes on Him. He did not scold me for being “stupid or naïve.” Instead, He protected me from experiencing any pain and waited to show me Himself, when I needed to know what was going on.  And because I had been keeping my eyes on Him only, when I was told—He is the One who told me—so that He could also bring with the news perfect peace to accompany the normally devastating truth.

Laat ek jou weer herinner, gaan na Hom toe as jy enige vrae het. Ek het vir Hom gevra hoekom ek nie besef het wat aangaan nie? Dis toe dat Hy vir my gesĂȘ het dat dit was omdat ek geloof  soos ‘n kind gehad het, en dat ek my oĂ« op Hom gehad het. Hy het nie met my baklei omdat ek “dom of naĂŻef” was nie. In plaas daarvan het Hy my beskerm teen enige pyn en gewag sodat Hy dit self vir my kon wys, toe ek moes weet wat aangaan. En omdat ek my oĂ« net op Hom gehou het, toe ek vertel was—was Hy die Een wat my vertel het—sodat Hy ook volmaakte vrede saam met die nuus kon bring om die normaalweg vernietigende waarheid te vergesel.

Later that evening, and some of the days that followed, the thought of what I knew (that there was another woman and adultery again) would try to overwhelm me with fear and rattle my heart. But at the very first sign of it, I would get alone with the Lord and seek Him for my peace again. Usually He would prompt me to tell Him how I felt about Him, to which I would respond, “Lord, You are all I want, You are all I need, You are the only One I live for!” This encounter would replace my fear with abundant joy! I would leave my prayer closet rejuvenated knowing that I had a Lover too who was not sinful but what was what I was designed to be—His bride!

Later daardie aand en gedurende die volgende paar dae, het die gedagte aan wat ek geweet het (dat daar weer ‘n ander vrou en owerspel was) probeer om my te oorweldig met vrees en om my hart te skud. Maar by die heel eerste teken daarvan, sou ek alleen by die Here kom en Hom weer vir my vrede soek. Gewoonlik het Hy my aangespoor om vir Hom te vertel hoe ek oor Hom voel, waarop ek sou reageer: “Here, Jy is al wat ek wil hĂȘ, Jy is al wat ek nodig het, Jy is die enigste Een vir wie lewe!” Hierdie ontmoeting sou my vrees vervang met oorvloedige vrede! Ek sou my gebedskas verlaat en vernuwe voel, wetend dat ek ook ‘n Minnaar het wat nie sondig was nie, maar wat was waarvoor ek ontwerp is—Sy Bruid!

It was almost three weeks later that my husband announced that he was seeing “someone.” The announcement came without warning, but God had prepared me since I already knew he was “seeing” someone since He had told me three weeks earlier. My husband did not confess that he had been involved with her before he filed for divorce, but I didn’t need to hear that from him, because the Lord already told me the whole truth.

Dit was amper drie weke later dat my man aangekondig het dat hy “iemand” sien. Die aankondiging het sonder waarskuwing gekom, maar God het my voorberei aangesien ek al klaar geweet het dat hy iemand “sien,” aangesien Hy my drie weke vantevore daarvan vertel het. My man het nie bely dat hy by haar betrokke was voor hy die egskeiding aanhangig gemaak het nie, maar ek het nie nodig gehad om dit van hom af te hoor nie, want die Here het my reeds die volle waarheid vertel.

It was because God had prepared me that  I did not shake or even tremble! Instead, when he confessed he was seeing “someone” I told him how nice it was for him to have found someone so quickly, that I was sure that they would be happy, and without thinking even said her name a couple of times even though my husband had never once mentioned her name to me! Praise God he didn’t drive off the road when it popped out of my mouth—he was clearly shaken— while I sat there feeling so loved and cherished by the Lord.

Dit was omdat God my voorberei het dat ek nie geskud of selfs gebewe het nie! In plaas daarvan, toe hy bely dat hy “iemand” sien, het ek vir hom gesĂȘ hoe wonderlik dit vir hom was om so vinnig iemand te kry, dat ek seker was dat hulle gelukkig sou wees, en het selfs sonder om te dink haar naam paar keer gesĂȘ, al het my man nie een keer haar naam genoem nie! Prys die Here hy het nie van die pad af gery toe dit uit my mond geglip het nie—hy was duidelik geskud—terwyl ek daar gesit het en so geliefd en gekoester gevoel het deur die Here.

Not only was my husband in shock when I said the OW’s name, because I kept saying her name over and over again. Without knowing it, saying her name without tears actually hurt my husband since it proved to him that I really didn’t care—God had turned the tables! Usually we who are cheated on sit there hurt, devastated, while our spouse sits there telling us how much they love someone else and not us! But when you do things God’s way, He has a different plan.

Nie net was my man in skok toe ek die AV se naam gesĂȘ het nie, want ek het haar naam aanhoudend oor en oor gesĂȘ. Sonder om te weet het die noem van haar naam sonder trane eintlik my man seergemaak, aangesien dit aan hom bewys het dat ek regtig nie omgee nie—God het die situasie omgekeer! Gewoonlik sit ons wat verneuk word daar seer en verpletter, terwyl ons eggenoot daar sit en vir ons vertel hoe lief hulle vir iemand anders is en nie vir ons nie! Maar as jy dinge op God se manier doen, het Hy ‘n ander plan.

My husband was so hurt because during my first go ‘round with his adultery, it left me so fearful that he knew I could never even say the OW’s name, and even hearing her name said by anyone else made me feel like I would throw up—for years! Since he had seen me working in ministry for nearly five years before he left again, my husband knew this entire story that I shared with many women when I ministered to them. So by my saying her name, which I had not planned to do, the pain left my heart and went into his.

My man was so seergemaak, want tydens my eerste “ rondte met sy owerspel,” het dit my so vreesbevange gelos dat hy geweet het ek kon nie eers die AV se naam sĂȘ nie, selfs net om te hoor iemand anders sĂȘ haar naam, het gemaak dat ek wou opgooi—vir jare! Aangesien hy my byna vyf jaar in die bediening sien werk het voordat hy weer weg is, het my man hierdie hele storie geken wat ek met baie vroue gedeel het toe ek aan hul bediening gegee het. So deur haar naam te sĂȘ, wat ek nie beplan was om te doen nie, het die pyn my hart verlaat en in syne ingegaan.

This time, God had given me a huge advantage, so instead of being on the defensive, I was able to take the offensive: Offense, however, does not mean being offensive or on the attack. It simply means that we are not taking the defensive position: cowered in a corner, terrified, or running wild in pain doing foolish things.

Hierdie keer het God my ‘n groot voordeel gegee, so in plaas daarvan om verdedigend te wees, was ek in staat om die offensief te neem: Offensief beteken egter nie om aanstootlik of op die aanval te wees nie. Dit beteken bloot dat ons nie die verdedigingsposisie inneem nie: gekneus in ‘n hoek sit, verskrik of woes rondhardloop in pyn en dwase dinge doen nie.

So whether you are suspicious that there may be someone else, or especially if you have a friend, co-worker, mother, father, brother or sister going through this who is suspicious (or people are telling you things), please tell them my testimony and the wisdom so that they can “fight the good fight (spiritually) and finish the course” (2 Tim. 4:7)!

So, of jy agterdogtig is dat daar iemand anders is, of veral as jy ‘n vriend/vriendin, medewerker, moeder, vader, broer of suster het wat hierdeur gaan en agterdogtig is (of as mense jou dinge vertel), deel asseblief my getuienis en die wysheid met hulle sodat hulle “die goeie stryd (geestelik) kan stry en die wedloop voltooi” (2 Timoteus 4:7)!

God knows everything—right? And He will faithfully tell you, ever so gently, what is going on just at the right time, and He will do it lovingly so you will not be hurt from it! Whenever we do things according to His will, we will reap blessings in the midst of all of the trials that destroy most people—especially Christians!

God weet alles—reg? En Hy sal jou getrou vertel, ooit so sagkens, wat aan die gang is op presies die regte tyd, en Hy sal dit liefdevol doen sodat jy nie seerkry daarvan nie! Wanneer ons dinge volgens Sy wil doen, sal ons die seĂ«ninge maai te midde van al die beproewings wat meeste mense vernietig—veral Christene!

“Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, and instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs” (Isa. 61:7).

“In plaas van vernedering sal julle twee keer soveel besittings hĂȘ as tevore, in plaas van minagting sal julle lof ontvang oor wat julle besit. Julle sal in julle land twee keer soveel besit as tevore en julle sal altyd vreugde hĂȘ.” Jesaja 61:7

So many Christians are ignorant of His ways. They look at things and react in the exact same way as the people who are not believers. When evil gets more intense, and it seems like their spouse or ex-spouse is prospering while they are getting hit with all kinds of stuff from every which way, they begin to doubt God’s ability to help them and turn back to doing things for themselves. How foolish!

So baie Christene is onkundig  oor Sy weë. Hulle kyk na dinge en reageer op presies dieselfde manier as die mense wat nie gelowiges is nie. Wanneer boosheid meer intens word, en dit lyk asof hulle eggenoot of  gewese eggenoot floreer terwyl hulle getref word deur allerhande goed van elke kant af, begin hul twyfel in God se vermoë om hulle te help en keer terug om dinge vir hulself te doen. Hoe dwaas!

Here is a principle that all Christians should know and keep close to their heart throughout their lives and something they need to teach to their children:

Hier is ‘n beginsel wat alle Christene moet ken en naby hul harte moet hou regdeur hul lewe en iets wat hulle vir hul kinders moet leer:

Whenever you see wickedness increasing it only means that the evil is getting closer to being destroyed FOREVER.

Wanneer jy ook al sien hoe goddeloosheid toeneem, beteken dit slegs dat die boosheid nader kom om VIR GOED goed uitgewis te word.

“A senseless man has no knowledge, nor does a stupid man understand this: That when the wicked sprouted up like grass and all who did iniquity flourished, it was only that they might be destroyed forevermore” (Ps. 92:6–7).

“Wie dit nie besef nie, is ‘n dom mens, wie dit nie insien nie, is sonder verstand. Al is die goddelose voorspoedig, al floreer almal wat onreg doen, hulle sal vir goed uitgewis word.” Psalms 92:7-8

Yes, that sin destroyed forever!!

Ja, daardie sonde vir goed uitgewis!!

May this promise stay close to your heart, guide your steps and govern your actions.

Mag hierdie belofte naby jou hart bly, jou voetstappe lei en jou optrede beheer.

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As jy gereed is om 'n verbintenis met GOD te maak dat jy die kursus gaan voltooi, KLIK HIER dat jy saamstem en gereed is om elke stap van jou Reis na Herstel te dokumenteer in jou "My Daaglikse Joernaal" vorm. Vat jou tyd, sit, kry vir jou koffie of tee en stort jou hart uit in jou Joernaal.

As "ouer vroue...sodat julle die jonger vrouens kan leer..." (Titus 2:3) jy sal die geleentheid hĂȘ om met jonger vrouens te praat wat nog alleenlopend is as deel van jou bediening.

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