Day 24

Dag 24

"The Other Victim—the OW"

“Die Ander Slagoffer—die AV”

Your Spiritual Milestone is in today and tomorrow's lesson

Jou Spirituele Mylpaal is in vandag en more se les

I’m sure every woman feels the same way when they find out about the other woman, which many refer to as the OW—that wretched woman who stole their husband!

Ek is seker dat elke vrou dieselfde voel wanneer hulle uitvind van die ander vrou, na wie baie verwys as die AV —daardie vervlakste vrou wat haar man gesteel het!

Yet, though that may be how you initially felt, the more wisdom, knowledge and most importantly understanding you begin to gain during your Restoration Journey, becoming even more spiritually mature, the less you’ll continue looking at the OW as the enemy.

Tog, alhoewel dit mag wees hoe jy in die begin gevoel het, hoe meer wysheid, kennis en mees belangrik verstandhouding jy begin om te win gedurende jou Herstel Reis, en selfs meer spiritueel volwasse word, hoe minder sal jy voort gaan om na die AV te kyk as die vyand.

Galatians 6:1-3—

Galasiërs 6:1-3—

“Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness (or consideration in KJV); each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”

‘Broers, as iemand in die een of ander sonde val, moet julle wat julle deur die Gees laat lei, so iemand in ‘n gees van sagmoedigheid reghelp. En pas op: jy kan self ook in die versoeking kom. Dra mekaar se laste, en gee op dié manier uitvoering aan die wet van Christus. As iemand hom verbeel hy is iets en hy is niks, bedrieg hy homself.” 

Galatians 6:1-3 The Message (MSG)—

Galasiërs 6:1-3 Die Boodskap (DB)—

“Live kindly, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.”

“My broers en susters, as ander gelowiges aan die een of ander sonde toegee, moet julle wat julle deur die Gees laat lei, hulle dadelik reghelp. Bring hulle terug op die regte pad sonder om hulle te veroordeel. Tree vol deernis op. Maar pas op sodat julle nie self voor die sonde swig nie. Sien raak wanneer ander gelowiges swaarkry en help hulle. Tel hulle probleme op julle skouers en dra dit vir hulle. So doen julle  presies wat Christus van julle verwag. Dit is immers sy wet dat julle mekaar moet liefhê. As julle dink dat julle te belangrik is om vir ander mense om te gee, begryp julle net mooi niks van die evangelie nie. 

Clearly none of us is blameless. Each of us put our marriages and husbands at risk.

Duidelik is geen een van ons sonder skuld nie. Elke een van ons plaas huwelike en mans op risiko.  

If you still doubt that, it may be time to read Day 8 in RYM Chapter 6 "Contentious Woman" again until you do understand this principle.

As jy nog steeds daaraan twyfel, mag dit tyd wees om Dag 8 in die HJH Hoofstuk 6 “Twisgierige Vrou” weer te lees totdat jy die prinsiep verstaan. 

We are who tore down our own houses and relationships by acting like the world promotes, along with us not having a deep relationship with the Lord—which changes the way we look at other people.

Ons is die wat ons eie huise en verhoudings afgebreek het deur op te tree soos wat die wêreld aanmoedig, gepaard met ons wat nie ‘n diep verhouding met die Here het nie—wat die manier wat ons na ander kyk verander.

“A wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears it down with her own hands”—Proverbs 14:1 So if you tore it down, now you are wiser and by treating the OW kindly (in your heart and mind—even without saying a word to anyone), you can begin to build your house and life as a wise woman.

“‘n Wyse vrou sorg vir haar huis; ‘n vrou sonder wysheid breek alles af”—Spreuke 14:1 So as jy dit afgebreek het, is jy nou wyser en deur die AV vriendelik (in jou hart en gedagtes te behandel—sonder om ‘n woord aan enige iemand te sê), kan jy begin om jou huis en jou lewe te bou as ‘n wyse vrou.

The Forgotten Victim

Die Verlore Slagoffer

Moving on from this vantage point, of no longer looking at the OW as evil, I’d like to take you up even higher and see things differently— understanding that the OW is a victim too.

Beweeg aan van hierdie uitkykpunt,  om nie meer na die AV te kyk as boos nie, ek sal daarvan hou om jou selfs  hoër te neem en dinge anders te sien—verstaan dat die AV ook ‘n slagoffer is.

When I first found out about the OW in my husband’s life, I felt the very same way you probably felt— like someone had robbed me. But slowly I came to understand about my contentious ways and how I had torn down the walls of protection surrounding my marriage. It wasn’t until later, when I became more spiritually and emotionally mature AND began to experience the LORD’S love for me, when I began tosee her precarious and painful situation for what it really was.

Toe ek in die begin uitgevind het oor die AV in my man se lewe, het ek dieselfde gevoel as wat jy heel waarskynlik gevoel het—asof iemand van my gesteel het. Maar stadig het ek begin verstaan oor my twisgierige maniere en hoe ek die mure van beskerming rondom my huwelik afgebreek het. Dit was nie tot later, toe ek meer spiritueel en emosioneel volwasse geword het EN begin het om die HERE se liefde vir my te ervaar, dat ek het haar situasie begin sien het vir wat dit regtig was, sorgwekkend en  pynvol.  

In my personal Restoration Journey, the rumor was how much my husband looked like the OW’s ex-husband. And then, when I heard the heartbreaking story of how her husband had cheated on her, with someone they both worked with, someone younger and prettier—it was soon after this horribly painful experience, when she set her sights on my husband.

In my persoonlike Herstel Reis, was die gerug hoe baie my man soos die AV se eks-man gelyk het. En toe,  ek die hartverskeurende storie gehoor het oor hoe haar man op haar gekul het, met iemand wie albei van hulle saam gewerk het, iemand jonger en mooier—dit was kort na hierdie aaklige pynlike ondervinding, wat sy haar flikkers vir my man gegooi het.

Can you honestly blame her?

Kan jy haar eerlik blameer?

No, I can’t. I couldn’t.

Nee, ek kan nie. Ek kon nie.

And the main reason is because she didn’t know the Lord at all! So how could she handle her pain and rejection any better than I could when I DID know the Lord?

En die hoof rede is omdat sy die Here glad nie geken het nie! So hoe kon sy haar pyn en verwerping enigsins beter hanteer as wat ek kon wanneer ek WEL die Here geken het? 

No, not the way I came to know HIm, but He was my Savior when all this went down.

Nee, nie die manier hoe ek Hom leer ken het nie, maar Hy was my Redder toe dit alles plaasgevind het.

So here she was, hurt, bleeding from her heart, rejected as the OW in her husband’s life was flaunted in front of her face! They all worked together, the OW, her husband, (my husband) and her husband’s OW. Ugh! It was enough for me to know what was going on without having to face it every day! How horrible!!

So hier was sy, seergemaak, gebloei uit haar hart uit, verwerp soos wat die  AV in haar man se lewe voor haar gesig vertoon is! Hulle het almal saam gewerk, die AV, haar man, (my man) en haar man se AV. Ugh! Dit was genoeg vir my om te weet wat besig was om aan te gaan sonder om dit elke dag in die gesig te staar! Hoe aaklig!!   

Slowly, as I chose to look at the OW in this way, and by this time my husband was alluring me, (which meant, lying to her when he stayed later “saying goodnight to his children” or said he was going somewhere else when he was really with me) that I began to really HURT for HER!

Stadig, soos ek verkies het om op hierdie manier na die AV te kyk, en teen hierdie tyd was my man besig om my te bekoor, (wat beteken het dat hy later gebly het deur vir haar te lieg en te sê hy “se nag vir sy kinders” of om te sê hy gaan êrens anders wanneer hy regtig by my was) wat ek regtig begin het om regtig SEER te kry om HAAR onthalwe! 

No, I didn’t confront my husband to tell him to stop treating her that way (speaking to my husband about anything would be going against the truth I knew about being quiet). Nor did I foolishly pray he would remain with her, (living in sin is not good for the soul), but I did ask the Lord to help me see the OW the way HE saw her, and He did.

Nee, ek het nie my man konfronteer om hom te keer om haar so te behandel nie (deur met my man oor enige iets te  praat sou teen die waarheid gaan oor om stil te bly). Nog minder het ek soos ‘n dwaas gebid dat hy by haar sou bly, (om in sonde te lewe is nie goed vir die siel nie), maar ek het die Here gevra om te help om die AV te sien hoe HY haar gesien het, en Hy het.

Later my test came.

Later het my toets gekom.

Many of you have read it elsewhere in a book or lesson, but it was when my husband came to me saying he could be home when he promised me and the children. I listened as he told me that the OW’s father had suddenly become ill and he needed to go with her. Without hesitation I said something like, “Go! She needs you. How sad. And let her know I am praying for her, her father and her family.” That’s when my husband stopped and said, “Why? How? After all she’s done to you?!”

Baie van julle het dit êrens in ‘n boek of les gelees, maar dit was toe my man na my toe gekom het en gesê het dat hy huistoe sou kom toe hy my en die kinders belowe het. Ek het geluister soos wat hy my vertel het dat die AV se pa skielik siek geword het en dat hy saam haar moes gaan. Sonder om te aarsel het ek iets gesê soos, “Gaan! Sy het jou nodig. Hoe treurig. En laat haar weet ek bid vir haar, haar pa en haar familie.” Dit is toe wat my man gestop het en gesê het, “Hoekom? Hoe? Na alles wat sy aan jou gedoen het?!”

It was then that I realized “she” hadn’t done anything to me, she was a victim of evil. She was being used and abused and lied to just as I had been, so how could I think ill of her?

Dit was toe dat ek besef het “sy” het niks aan my gedoen nie, sy was die slagoffer van die bose. Sy was besig om gebruik en misbruik en gelieg te word net soos ek was, so hoe kon ek sleg van haar dink? 

My act of kindness wasn’t well accepted by the OW. Later I heard she cursed me out, but that doesn’t matter and I may know why. Either she wasn’t ready to hear it or it was delivered badly by my husband. He thought I was a saint, and if I had to guess, he probably told her how he felt.

My optrede van vriendelikheid was nie goed deur die AV aanvaar nie. Later het ek gehoor dat sy my gevloek het, maar dit maak nie saak nie en ek mag weet hoekom. Eerder was sy nie gereed om dit te hoor nie of dit was sleg deur my man oorgedra. Hy het gedink ek was heilig, en as ek moes raai, het hy moontlik vir haar vertel hoe ek gevoel het.

It really doesn’t matter, does it? It’s not my problem since I wasn’t communicating with her directly. Which leads me to share another HUGE HUGE HUGE reason why we need to be able to look and deal with the OW in an “understanding way…”

Dit maak regtig nie saak nie, doen dit? Dit is nie my probleem nie aangesien ek nie besig was om direk met haar te kommunikeer nie. Wat my lei om nog ‘n ENORME ENORME ENORME rede te deel hoekom ons nodig het om  die AV op ‘n “verstandige manier te hanteer…”

A Matter of Life and Death

‘n Saak van Lewe en Dood

Many of you may have heard or read something about Hillary in South Africa. Her situation was that her husband introduced the second OW to Hilary—hoping they would be friends.

Baie van julle mag dalk gehoor het of iets gelees het oor Hillary in Suid Afrika. Haar situasie was dat  haar man die tweede AV aan HiIlary voorgestel het—en gehoop het dat hulle vriende kon wees.   

Since I had little to no experience with a situation like this, but in order to help Hillary navigate through this valley, I just listened and watched and often SG for her. At one point it got so crazy because I heard that the OW was speaking to Hillary about marrying her husband, how happy they’d be and text Hilary several times a day! Even at her sons’ ball games the OW would come to sit with her and spend the whole time talking about Hilary’s husband and their wonderful relationship.

Aangesien ek bietjie tot geen ondervinding met ‘n situasie soos dit gehad het nie, maar om my in staat te stel om Hillary te help navigeer deur hierdie vallei, het ek net geluister en dopgehou en dikwels GN vir haar. Op een punt het dit so belaglik geraak omdat ek gehoor het dat die AV besig was om verskeie kere met Hillary te praat het oor haar voornemens om met haar man te trou, hoe gelukkig hulle sou wees en sy het verskeie kere per dag aan Hillary boodskappe gestuur! Selfs by haar seun se sokker wedstryde het die AV by haar gaan sit en die hele tyd met Hillary gepraat oor haar man en hulle wonderlike verhouding.     

It’s true that His grace is for the person who is going through it and not the onlooker, because I just couldn’t fathom going through something so difficult. But Hillary did go through it and honestly befriended the OW.

Dit is waar dat Sy genade vir die persoon is wat daardeur gaan en nie die bystaander nie, omdat ek nie kon uitpluis om deur iets so moeilik te gaan nie. Maar Hillary het daardeur gegaan en eerlik vriende met die AV geword.

*Please keep in mind, this was what Hillary's husband ASKED her to do, and also after she SG through prayer and fasting to have this thorn removed.

*Hou in gedagte, dit was wat Hillary se man haar GEVRA het om te doen, en ook na sy GN deur gebed en vas om hierdie doring te verwyder.

(Read 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 to understand about asking a thorn be removed.)

(Lees 2 Korintiërs 12:7-9 om te verstaan om te vra vir ‘n doring om verwyder te word.)

The only thing I shared with Hilary was if she spoke about HOW she was able to be so kind to the OW (since the OW often asked her)? The reason was, I told Hillary it was a perfect opportunity to share about her relationship with the Lord. Telling her that “no man was perfect and could fulfill all her needs” etc. —thus opening the door for her to come to know the LORD personally.

Die enigste ding wat ek met Hillary gedeel het was of sy gepraat het oor HOE sy in staat was om so vriendelik met die AV te wees (aangesien die AV haar dikwels gevra het)? Die rede was, het ek vir Hillary gesê  was dat dit ‘n perfekte geleentheid was vir haar om haar verhouding met die Here met haar te deel. En haar te vertel dat geen man perfek is en aan al haar behoeftes kon voldoen nie” ens.—dus deur dit die deur oop te maak vir haar om die HERE persoonlik te leer ken.

This topic came up often in emails, but each time Hilary felt she was inadequate to share the gospel with her. And each time (because one day I went back to check) I told her that whatever she learned in church wasn’t what I saw or she saw really worked. Instead, of fire and brimstone, it’s simply telling the woman about her Lover, Her heavenly Husband who was always there for her. AND I told her that each time she praised her for her kindness, He was opening the door for her, so just just walk through the open door (this opportunity) and tell her about the One she, Hilary, cared about the most and who cared so much for her.

Hierdie onderwerp kom dikwels op in e-posse, maar elke keer het Hillary gevoel dat sy onbevoegd was om die evangelie met haar te deel. En elke keer (omdat ek een dag terug gegaan het om te kyk) het ek vir haar gesê dat watookal sy in die kerk geleer het was dit nie wat sy of ek gesien het wat  regtig gewerk het nie. In plaas van, vuur en swawel, is dit eenvoudig om haar te vertel van haar Minnaar, haar Hemelse Man wat altyd daar vir haar was. EN ek het vir haar gesê dat elke keer wat sy haar geprys het vir haar vriendelikheid, dat Hy die deur vir haar oop gemaak het, so loop net deur die oop deur (die geleentheid) en vertel haar van die Een wat sy, Hillary, die meeste vir omgee en wie so baie vir haar omgee.

Unfortunately, the fear of not knowing the right “scripture” or “sharing the gospel” correctly kept holding Hilary back until one day…

Ongelukkig, het die vrees van nie die regte “skrifleer” te ken of om die “evangelie korrek te deel”  Hillary terug gehou tot een dag... 

I heard that the OW had been killed.

Het ek gehoor dat die AV dood gemaak is.

It was at that point that Hilary fell into a deep and horrible depression over her death, and there was no way I could console her. She said it was her fault this woman died without knowing the Lord.

Dit was op daardie punt dat Hillary in ‘n diep en aaklige depressie geval het oor haar dood, en daar was geen manier wat ek haar kon troos nie. Sy het gesê dit was haar skuld dat hierdie vrou dood is sonder dat sy die Here geken het.

 Another Victim

Nog ‘n Slagoffer

Another one of our Ministers, Yvonne, came through a difficulty you need to prepare yourself for—His way, by having a Father for your children and Husband for you. Here is Yvonne praise:

Nog een van ons Ministers Yvonne, het deur ‘n moeilike tyd gekom waarvoor jy jouself moet voorberei—Sy manier, deur ‘n Vader te hê vir jou kinders en n Man vir jou. Hier is Yvonne se lof:

So, the one thing I really hoped would not happen, happened…

So, die een ding wat ek regtig gehoop het sou gebeur, het gebeur... 

A while ago my children started calling the OW mommy. The first time I heard it, I felt a coldness go through me that is so difficult to explain. I wanted to say something, but I am sure that the Lord held His hand over my mouth:)

‘n Tydjie terug het my kinders die AV mamma begin noem. Die eerste keer wat ek dit gehoor het, het ek rilling gevoel wat deur my gegaan het wat so moeilik is om te verduidelik. Ek wou iets sê, maar ek is seker dat die Here Sy hand oor my mond gehou het:) 

The moment I was alone with my HH, I told Him what I thought of it and as always He led me as only He could. So now the enemy knew this was a sore point for me so at every opportunity I would hear about the other mommy. So one day I told the Lord, "What does it matter, I will not let this upset me." So whenever my children would mention the other mommy, I would purposefully say something kind about her.

Die oomblik wat ek alleen saam my HM was, het ek vir Hom gesê wat ek daarvan gedink het en soos altyd het Hy my gelei soos net Hy kon. So nou weet die vyand dat dit ‘n seer punt vir my is so by elke geleentheid sou ek van die ander mamma hoor. So een dag het ek vir die Here vertel, “Wat maak dit saak, ek sal nie dat dit my ontstel nie.” So wanneer my kinders hulle ander mamma sou noem, het ek doelgerig iets vriendelik oor haar gesê. 

This was not easy and I know it would have been impossible if it was not for the fact that I had my Heavenly Husband with me every step of the way.

Dit was nie maklik nie en ek het geweet dit sou onmoontlik wees as dit nie was vir die feit dat ek my Hemelse Man by my elke stap van die pad gehad het nie.

So much later when my children returned from their dad on a Sunday, my daughter was particularly naughty. And I turned around and asked her: "Were you this naughty at your daddy as well today?" She said "No", so now I asked her "And why not?" She answered: "Because you are my real mommy"

So baie later toe my kinders terug gekom het van hulle pa op ‘n Sondag, was my dogter besonders stout. En ek het omgedraai en  haar gevra: “Was jy net so stout by jou pappa ook vandag?” Sy het gesê “Nee” , so toe vra ek haar “En hoekom nie?” Sy het geantwoord; “Omdat jy my regte ma is”

LOL, of course she was in trouble for being cheeky with me, but the Lord just showed me through her words, that it does not matter what the OW is called, I am still my children's real mommy. The mommy they can just be themselves with and does not need to pretend with.

LHO, natuurlik was sy in die moeilikheid omdat sy parmantig met my was, maar die Here het my net gewys deur haar woorde, dat dit nie saak maak wat die AV genoem word nie, ek is nog steeds my kinders se regte mamma. Die mamma by wie hulle hulleself kan wees en nie hoef voor te gee nie.

If I did not give this over to Lord and with His help made the decision not to let to this bother me, He would not have blessed me with those wonderful words from my precious little girl:)

As ek dit nie oorgegee het aan die Here nie en met Sy hulp die besluit gemaak het dat dit my nie moet pla nie, sou hy my nie geseën het met daardie wonderlike woorde van my liefste klein dogtertjie nie. 

He is the best!!!

Hy is die beste!!!

~ Yvonne

CONCLUSION

KONKLUSIE

Here is the thing, we are NOT asking you to reach out and befriend the OW.

Hier is die ding, ons vra NIE dat jy uitreik en vriende met die AV word nie.

Not unless your husband brings it up and asks you to be her friend.

Nie tensy jou man dit noem en jou vra om haar vriendin te wees nie.

AND should you be tempted, you may also remember how I thought I was who the OW (in my husband’s life) needed the Lord and I took the bait (still being such a Pharisee) and went to speak to her, which led to her paying for my husband to divorce me. So again, don’t begin getting any ideas of spiritual grandeur.

EN sou jy in die versoeking gestel word, moet jy ook onthou hoe ek gedink het dat die AV (in my man se lewe)  die Here nodig gehad het en ek het die aas gevat ( nog steeds ‘n Farisieër) en ek het met haar gaan praat, wat gelei het tot haar wat betaal het vir my man om van my te skei. So weereens, moet nie enige idees van spirituele vernaamheid kry nie.

What we ARE asking you to do is to continue along your Restoration Journey—finding the life-changing LOVE that will allow you to see the OW as a victim. And if you can’t seem to find it, ask Him to see things from the OW’s eyes. And when you do, I promise your heart will break for her.

Wat ons WEL van jou vra is dat jy voortgaan langs jou Herstel Reis—vind die lewens-veranderde LIEFDE wat jou sal toelaat om die AV as die slagoffer te sien. En as dit lyk asof jy dit nie kan vind nie, vra Hom om dinge uit die AV se oë te sien. En wanneer jy dit doen, belowe ek jou sal jou hart vir haar breek.

Finally, if you have a testimony of how you struggled, then overcame this hurdle PLEASE

Finaal, as jy ‘n getuienis het waarmee jy sukkel, oorkom ASSEBLIEF hierdie probleem.

SUBMIT AN “Overcoming a Hurdle” PRAISE REPORT CLICK HERE

DIEN ‘n “Oorkom ‘n Probleem” LOF VERSLAG IN KLIK HIER

If you’re having trouble getting over this hurdle, trust me, it’s due to fear—fear that IF you look at the OW compassionately, it means you think what she did or is doing is okay OR it means you don’t care enough about restoration.

As jy probleme het om oor hierdie probleem te kom, vertrou my, dit is as gevolg van vrees—vrees dat AS jy met medelye na die AV kyk, beteken dit wat sy gedoen het is reg OF dit beteken dit dat jy nie genoeg oor herstel omgee nie.   

Neither is true. It’s a lie. Jesus said that the proof we are His and followers of His, and certain His bride is when we show our love (which means how we feel in our hearts towards others).

Niks daarvan is waar nie. Dit is ‘n leun. Jesus het gesê dat die bewys dat ons sy volgelinge is, en verseker Sy bruid is wanneer ons ons liefde wys (wat beteken hoe ons in ons harte teenoor ander voel).

Our Husband loved us so much that He “gave Himself up for us, so that He might sanctify us, having cleansed us by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church [His bride] in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

Ons Man het ons so lief gehad dat Hy “sy eie lewe daarvoor opgegee het om die kerk aan God te wy, nadat Hy dit met water en die woord gereinig het, sodat Hy die kerk in volle heerlikheid by Hom kan neem, sonder vlek of rimpel of iets dergeliks, heilig en onberispelik.”  

bathe in this truth

bad in sy waarheid

To accomplish this cleansing, here is the verse that says how your love as a Christian is proved by your love for one another— in many Bible translations—so you can bathe in this truth:

Om hierdie reiniging te volvoer, hier is die verse wat wys hoe jou liefde as ‘n Christen bewys is deur julle liefde vir mekaar—in baie Bybel oorvertalings—so jy kan baai in hierdie waarheid: 

“By this everyone will know that you are my followers, IF you love one another." Message: "This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” Take a moment to open this and read each of the different Bible versions from this all important foundational verse: John 13:35

“Hierdie liefde van julle moet as’t ware hard en duidelik ‘praat’. Mense moet daarna kyk en sê: ‘Kyk net, daar’s ‘n volgeling van Jesus—wanneer hulle die liefde wat julle vir mekaar het sien ." Neem 'n oomblik om elke een van die verskillende Bybel weergawes oop te maak en te lees uit hierdie belangrike fundamentele verse: Johannes 13:35

If the Lord has convicted you of having ill feelings toward the OW, be sure you pour out your heart to Him in a What I Learned. Discussing this issue with the Lord, as you journal your thoughts and feelings, confessing and praying will change you life in order to help others come to know Him.

As die Here jou skuld gevoelens gegee het oor dat jy lelike gevoelens teenoor die AV het, wees seker om jou hart uit te stort na Hom toe in Wat ek Geleer het. Bespreek die aangeleentheid met die Here, soos wat jy jou gedagtes en gevoelens joernaal, bieg en bid sal jou lewe verander om ons in staat te stel om ander te help om Hom te leer ken. 

"Dealing with Anger" —getting to the root

“Hantering van Woede”—kom by die wortel uit 

Anger—Transferring Ownership

Woede-Plaas Eienaarskap Oor

Living in a foreign country the first year on my own I'd often had to rely on others to translate or help with minor tasks such as paying bills etc. Being lonely also propelled me into asking others help for matters where I should have kept quiet and went only to the Lord.

Deur in ‘n vreemde land die eerste jaar op my eie te bly moes ek dikwels op ander staat maak om oor te vertaal of te help met kleinerige take soos om rekeninge te betaal ens. Om eensaam te wees het my aangespoor om ander te help vir belange waar ek moes stilbly en net na die Here toe gaan. 

I remember once being so frustrated and angry with in laws who were telling me what I had to buy for my son's birthday party, and when it got pricey that I just had to deal with it, etc. I didn't say anything back particularly, but I cried out to the Lord to take the anger away because I could see that the frustration was spilling over into anger and this was part of that old life I wanted gone! He lovingly showed me that if I would go only to Him and stop asking others for help, then they would not have the avenue or opportunity to "overstep their bounds". (according to my culture anyway). And prevent me from being in that situation in the first place.

Ek onthou dat ek een keer so frustreeerd en kwaad was met my skoonouers wat vir my gesê het wat ek vir my seun se verjaardag moes koop, en as dit duur word moet ek dit net hanteer, ens. Ek het niks besonders terug gesê nie, maar ek het uitgeroep na die Here toe om die woede weg te vat omdat ek kon sien dat die frustrasie oorgeloop het in woede en dit was deel van die ou lewe wat ek weg wou hê! Hy het my liefdevol gewys dat as ek net na Hom toe sou kom en ophou om ander te vra om hulp, dan sou hulle nie die geleentheid gehad het om hulle “grense te oorskry nie”. (volgens my kultuur in elke geval). En voorkom dat ek in elk geval in daardie situasie is. 

I was the one putting myself in that position without realizing it! I asked Him to forgive and help me to learn to go only to Him, and then I wouldn't be in that mess! Then He showed me further, that anger was really about possession. If I owned something then it was mine, and I had a vested interest in how, where that thing or person was or was doing. For instance, if it was my house, my husband, my car, my job then when the house needed repairs or the husband left or the car was wrecked or the job ended, my natural reaction would be anger. But if instead I transferred ownership of everything to my Heavenly Husband, then it was His house that was falling apart, the husband - His to deal with how He chose, the car was His to fix or not, and the job was His to keep or not. Then suddenly I was carefree! The opposite of anger, not apathy, but care-free! So when I start to feel anger, I realize I've forgotten that its not mine, its His. When something comes up, I know that if I ask Him first He will either bring someone to mind, or answer the question Himself, leaving me free from being bound by others opinions and ending up feeling anger. I can be care-free!

Ek was die een wat myself in daardie posisie geplaas het sonder om dit agter te kom! Ek het Hom gevra om my te vergewe en my te help leer om net na Hom toe te gaan, en dan sou ek nie in daardie gemors wees nie! Toe wys Hy my verder, dat woede eintlik oor eienaarskap gaan. As ek iets besit het dan was dit myne, en ek het gevestigde belange in hoe, waar daardie ding of persoon was of besig was om te doen. Byvoorbeeld, as dit my huis was, my man, my kar, my werk dan wanneer die huis herstelwerk nodig gehad het of my man weg is of die kar was verwoes of die werk het geeindig, sou my natuurlike reaksie woede wees. Maar as ek in plaas daarvan eienaarskap van alles aan my Hemelse Man oorgeplaas het, dan was dit sy huis wat besig was om uit mekaar te val, die man-Syne om mee af te reken soos Hy wou, die kar was Syne om reg te maak of nie, die werk was Syne om te hou of nie. Toe skielik was ek kommerloos! Die teenoorgestelde van woede, nie ongevoeligheid nie, maar kommerloos. Dan wanneer ek woede begin voel, besef ek dat ek vergeet het dat dit nie myne is nie, dit is Syne. Wanneer iets opkom, weet ek as ek Hom eerste vra sal Hy eerder iemand in gedagte bring, of die vraag Homself antwoord, en my vry los om gebonde te wees aan ander se opinies en opeindig om woede te voel. Ek kan kommerloos wees!      

~ Camila in Mexico

“Encouraging the OW”

“Bemoedig die AV” 

I have been asking God to give me the opportunity to use my hurt and pain for His glory and to minister to other hurting women, to give them His hope and share His love. I never expected it to be one of the OW.

Ek het vir God gevra om vir my die geleentheid te gee om my seerkry en pyn vir Sy glorie te gebruik en om aan ander kwetsende vrouens te minister, om vir hulle Sy hoop te gee en Sy liefde te deel. Ek het nooit verwag dat dit een van die AV sou wees nie.  

My marriage, just hanging together by a thread, fell apart when a man called (over two years ago now) and identified himself as the husband of a woman with whom my EH was inappropriately involved. That led to me confronting him (which I know now was not the right thing to do) and resulted in my EH leaving and saying he didn't want to be married to me anymore.

My huwelik, wat skaars aan ‘n garedraadjie gehang het, het uitmekaar geval toe ‘n man (meer as twee jaar gelede) geskakel het en homself geidentifiseer het as die man van die vrou by wie my AM ongepas betrokke by was. Dit het gelei dat ek hom konfrontreer het (wat ek nou weet nie die regte ding is om te doen nie) en die resultaat was dat my AM my gelos het en gesê het hy wil nie meer met my getroud wees nie. 

Fast forward two years and this woman texted me asking to meet to apologize. I prayed about it and let her know that I didn't feel the need to meet, that I'd forgiven her. Her reply was so full of regret and guilt, it was like deja vu, reminding me of all the guilt and shame I'd lived with for years after my own adultery. I knew I was forgiven by God and yet I felt like the prodigal son, deserving only to be a slave or servant in my relationship with God and in my marriage. God loved me enough to take away the pig sty I was choosing to live in so that I would finally turn and cling to Him only, and give up the pride that paradoxically was keeping me in a place of being unable to forgive myself. I felt led to share Romans 8:1-2, encourage her that God is pursuing her and wants her heart, and shared this ministry with her.

Vinnig vorentoe twee jaar en hierdie vrou het vir my ‘n boodskap gestuur en gevra of sy my kon ontmoet om om verskoning te vra. Ek het daaroor gebid en haar laat weet dat ek nie gevoel het dat dit nodig is om te ontmoet nie, dat ek haar vergewe het. Haar antwoord was met soveel berou en skuld, dit was soos, ek dit alreeds gesien het, en het my herinner het aan al die skuld en skande wat ek vir jare beleef het na my eie owerspel. Ek het geweet dat ek deur God vergewe was maar het soos die Verlore Seun gevoel, wat verdien het net om ‘n slaaf of bediende in my verhouding met God en in my huwelik te wees. God het my lief genoeg gehad om die varkhok weg te neem wat ek verkies het om in te leef sodat ek finaal sou omdraai en alleen aan Hom vasklou, en die trots op te gee wat my paradoksaal op ‘n plek gehou het waar ek myself nie kon vergewe nie. Ek het gelei gevoel om Romeine 8:1-2 te deel en haar aan te moedig dat God haar najaag en haar hart wil hê, en hierdie ministerie met haar wil deel.    

Looking back at what I wrote I know that it was not me but the Him speaking through me and giving me His love to share with her. I ended up offering to give her a copy of How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and we agreed to meet so I could give it to her. I can honestly say I felt and still feel nothing but God's love and compassion for her. Only  God!

‘n Terugblik op wat ek geskryf het weet ek dit was nie ek nie maar Hy wat deur my gepraat het en my Sy liefde gegee het om met haar te deel. Ek het opgeeindig om vir haar ‘n afskrif van die Hoe God Jou Huwelik Kan en Sal Herstel boek te gee en ons het ingestem om te ontmoet sodat ek dit vir haar kon gee. Ek kan eerlik sê ek het niks en voel nog steeds niks maar God se liefde en deernis vir haar nie. Net God!

I was able to listen and encourage her in her own marriage struggles and share what I've learned through this ministry about God's heart for each of us, His never ending, unfailing, tender love and pursuit of us to be His bride, to be so completely and utterly dependent and focused on Him that He is all we want, all we need, and all we live for. She had asked how I have such peace in this hard situation and now I see it in her as well.

Ek was in staat om te luister en haar in haar eie huweliks probleme  aan te moedig en te deel wat ek deur hierdie ministerie geleer het oor God se hart vir elke een van ons, Sy nimmereindigende, onfaalbare, teer liefde en die najaging vir ons om Sy bruid te wees, om heeltemal en uiters afhanklik en gefokus op Hom te wees dat Hy alles is wat ons wil hê, alles wat ons nodig het, en alles waarvoor ons lewe. Sy het gevra hoe ek so ‘n vrede in hierdie moeilike situasie het en nou sien ek dit ook in haar.  

My sweet, loving Lord, I thank you for restoration; for restoring me to You (over and over) and taking away the weight of my shame and guilt, for restoration among believers, and drawing this precious bride to You as well. Thank you for letting me be a part of Your work to make all things new, what a privilege and blessing! 

My beminlike, liefdevolle Here, ek bedank U vir herstel; dat U my na U toe herstel het (oor en oor) en die gewig van my skande en skuld weggeneem het, vir herstel rondom gelowiges, en om hierdie kosbare bruid ook na U toe te trek. Dankie dat U my toegelaat het om deel van U werk te wees om alles nuut te maak, wat ‘n voorreg en seën! 

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." (Romans 8:1-2 NLT) 

“Daar is dus nou geen veroordeling vir dié wat in Christus Jesus is nie. Die wet van die Gees wat aan jou in Christus Jesus die lewe gee, het jou vrygemaak van die wet van sonde en dood.” (Romeine 8:1-2) 

I used to believe Satan's lies that I had messed up too much to really be loved. When God looks at me He doesn't see my sins and mistakes, He sees the righteousness of His perfect and beloved Son, which means He loves me, wants me, cherishes me, adores me! And the same is true for every one of us. Only when we can truly sense His love, can we give His love to others and help them find this amazing love for themselves.

Ek het Satan se leuens geglo dat ek te veel opgemors het om regtig liefgehê te word. Wanneer God na my kyk sien Hy nie al my sondes en foute nie, Hy sien die regverdigheid van Sy kosbare en beminde Seun, wat beteken Hy is lief vir my, wil my hê, koester my, vereer my! En dieselfde is waar vir elke een van ons. Net wanneer ons werklik sy Liefde kan aanvoel, kan ons Sy liefde vir ander gee en hulle help om hierdie wonderbaarlike liefde vir hulleself te vind.  

Luana in South Carolina

Are you Ready for Restoration?

Is jy Gereed vir Herstel?

“...en julle sal die waarheid ken, en die waarheid sal julle vry maak.” —Joh 8:32 

Nou is dit tyd om HIER TE KLIK en jou hart aan die Here uit te stort en te joernaal “Wat ek Geleer Het.”