Have you sought comfort, understanding, support in order to feel clean, to feel whole, to feel free from the nightmare you can't seem to wake up from? If so, it's due to seeking the wrong Source. The world and the "experts" (people who have no clue, people who have studied about it but have never lived through it) throw out all sorts of advice—but it makes everything worse. It's like you're drowning and rather than them throwing a life jacket or flotation device—they throw you a cement block that plummets you to the bottom of the ocean!

Het jy ooit troos, begrip, ondersteuning gesoek om skoon, heel, vry van daardie nagmerrie te voel waaraan jy nie kan ontkom nie? As dit so is, is dit omdat jy na die verkeerde Bron gesoek het. Die wêreld en die “kenners” (mense wat geen idee het nie, wat daaroor geleer het maar nooit self daarin was nie) strooi allerlei raad rond — maar dit laat alles net erger voel. Dis soos om te verdrink, en in plaas daarvan dat hulle vir jou ’n reddingsboei of dryfmiddel gooi — gooi hulle ’n sementklip wat jou na die seegrond toe dreig!

If you've honestly met the one true Savior and have a relationship with Him (no matter how long) then you've no doubt have experienced an inner knowing that you have looked to the wrong source for your recompense, in the same way, that I had looked to the wrong source for my recompense. This Promise at the top does NOT say “They will” but it says, *I will* meaning the *Lord will*…. Read it again...

As jy regtig die ware Verlosser ontmoet het en 'n verhouding met Hom het (maak nie saak hoe lank nie), dan het jy sekerlik al daardie innerlike wete beleef dat jy na die verkeerde bron gekyk het vir jou vergoeding—net soos ek. Hierdie belofte sê nie “Húlle sal” nie, maar dit sê Ek sal—met ander woorde, die Here sal… Lees dit weer...

They will possess a double portion in their land . . .

I will faithfully give them their recompense.

Hulle sal 'n dubbele deel ontvang in hulle land...

Ek sal hulle getrou hulle beloning gee. (Jesaja 61:7 – NLV)

When I saw this the first time, immediately in my heart I acknowledged that He was all I wanted and all that I needed.

Toe ek dit die eerste keer gelees het, het ek dadelik in my hart besef: Hy is al wat ek wil hê en al wat ek nodig het.

Lord, You're ALL I Want
Lord, You're ALL I Need
Lord, You're ALL I Live For!

Here, U is AL wat ek wil hê
Here, U is AL wat ek nodig het
Here, U is AL waarvoor ek lewe!

If you need a Father then say it this way...

As jy ’n Vader nodig het, sê dit dan só...

Father, You're ALL I Want
Father, You're ALL I Need
Father, You're ALL I Live For!

Vader, U is AL wat ek wil hê
Vader, U is AL wat ek nodig het
Vader, U is AL waarvoor ek lewe!

All of a sudden I realized I did not need experts or any social media "friends" (who are not looking to BE my friend but to find as many friends as they can because they, too, are missing the One Person who can fill that dark empty terrifying void in their life).

Toe besef ek skielik ek het nie kundiges nodig nie—of enige sosiale media “vriende” (wat nie regtig my vriend wil wees nie, maar net soveel vriende moontlik wil bymekaarskraap omdat húlle ook die Een Persoon mis wat daardie donker, leë, vreesaanjaende gat in hulle lewens kan vul).

I also realized at that moment— I cannot change people or anyone else to make things right or give me any recompense (pay me back) for the suffering I have gone through! They cannot make up for the suffering while it was happening and not the aftermath of suffering—the exacerbated, intensifying my pain that has made what happened so much worse. Add to all of this is the shame I felt and shame that's often dumped on me by people who didn't and don't have a clue—they are completely ignorant—but so full of advice, advice that was nothing short of poison.

Ek het toe ook besef—ek kan nie mense verander nie, ek kan nie verwag dat enigiemand dinge regmaak of my vergoed vir alles waardeur ek is nie! Hulle kan nie die pyn van toe dit gebeur het regmaak nie, en ook nie die gevolge ná die tyd wat dit net erger gemaak het nie. En bo-op dit alles kom die skaamte wat ek gevoel het—en die skaamte wat mense op my gelaai het, mense wat geen idee het nie—volslae onkundig—maar o, so vol raad. Raad wat soos gif was.

That's when my Savior, my One True Friend, reminded me of something I read in "Who Sinned?" (His disciples were trying to find out who to blame) and the same goes for us. We don't stop trying to blame someone and in my case, because it wasn't just the person(s) who did it, but my parents and siblings and everyone else who "should have stopped" no "should have prevented" what happened to me.

Dis toe dat my Verlosser, my Een Ware Vriend, my herinner het aan iets wat ek in “Wie het gesondig?” gelees het (toe Sy dissipels probeer uitvind wie die skuldige is)—en dieselfde geld vir ons. Ons hou aan om iemand te blameer, en in my geval was dit nie net die persoon of persone wat dit aan my gedoen het nie, maar ook my ouers, my sibbe, en almal wat “dit moes keer het”—nee, wat “dit moes voorkom het”.

• The answer to "who" is at fault is profound and something I didn't understand for far too long.
• The answer that everyone needs to really grasp.
• Die antwoord op wie die skuld dra is diep, en iets wat ek lank glad nie verstaan het nie.
• Dis ’n antwoord wat elkeen regtig moet begryp.

Even though everyone tried and at some point failed me miserably to help me—I had my Beloved and He was all I needed. At that moment, not only did I stop looking for anyone to “make it right,” I adamantly did not want anything from anyone—what I wanted were all the blessings due to me—my recompense, my payback to come from Him and no one else!

Al het almal probeer om my te help, en elkeen op een of ander stadium wreed gefaal het—ek het my Geliefde gehad, en Hy was al wat ek nodig gehad het. In daardie oomblik het ek nie net opgehou om van mense te verwag om dinge “reg te maak” nie, ek wou glad nie meer enigiets van iemand hê nie—al wat ek wou hê, was die seëninge wat aan my toeval—my vergoeding, my beloning—om van Hóm af te kom, en van niemand anders nie!

When that feeling that truth began to wash over me, the Lord reminded me that these were Abram’s feelings too. Abram was Abraham's name before God gave him a new name. It was when the king of Sodom tried to give him a reward by giving him the “goods” that were taken when they defeated their enemy. BUT Abram refused anything from this king, “Abram said to the king of Sodom, ‘I have sworn to the LORD God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, ‘I have made Abram rich.’” Abram (who remember becomes Abraham) did not want to take away any of God’s glory by letting the vile king take the credit for any of Abram’s future wealth, which, as we know, increased greatly later in Abram’s life—that was secured due to his conviction to give God the glory and take nothing from anyone else.

Toe daardie gevoel, daardie waarheid my begin oorweldig, het die Here my herinner: Abram het dieselfde gevoel. Abram was Abraham se naam voordat God hom ‘n nuwe naam gegee het. Dit was toe die koning van Sodom vir hom ‘n beloning wou gee—die “buit” wat hulle gekry het toe hulle die vyand verslaan het. MÁÁR Abram het geweier om enigiets van daardie koning te vat, "Abram het vir die koning van Sodom gesê: “Ek het met my hand ‘n eed afgelê voor die Here, die Allerhoogste God, die Een wat hemel en aarde besit: Ek sal niks van jou aanvaar nie—nie eens ‘n skoenveter of ‘n stuk draad nie—sodat jy nie kan sê: ‘Ek het Abram ryk gemaak nie.’” Abram (onthou—hy sou later Abraham word) wou nie een greintjie van God se eer wegneem deur toe te laat dat daardie verdorwe koning die krediet kry vir enige van Abram se toekomstige rykdom nie. En soos ons weet, het Abram se besittings later geweldig toegeneem—dit was die vrug van sy besluit om Gód die eer te gee en niks van enigiemand anders te aanvaar nie.

• Do you want to give credit to anyone but GOD for your healing and for the ministry you will no doubt have (or maybe already have)?
• Why give anyone credit when they did nothing to help but instead, out of ignorance (certainly and hopefully not out of malice), failed to help and kept you suffering by feeding the fire, often pouring gasoline on your enflamed sores?
• Wil jy regtig aan enigiemand anders as GÓD die eer gee vir jou genesing—en vir die bediening wat jy ongetwyfeld gaan hê (of dalk al het)?
• Hoekom sal jy aan iemand eer gee wat niks gedoen het om jou te help nie—inteendeel, hulle onkunde (hopelik nie boosheid nie) het daartoe gelei dat jy langer moes ly. Hulle het eerder die vuur gevoer, partykeer selfs petrol op jou oop, brandende wonde gegooi!

Within about three minutes of this revelation, the Lord did something that was so amazing and funny and incredible just to prove this principle to me. The recompenses of God began to double! And from the moment it happened—I decided to let the Lord be everything to me!

Net so drie minute ná hierdie openbaring, het die Here iets ongeloofliks, snaaks en verstommends gedoen om hierdie waarheid aan my te bevestig. Sy vergoeding het begin verdubbel! En van daardie oomblik af het ek besluit: Die Here is ALLES vir my—en dit sal Hy bly!

As soon as I stopped trying to get satisfaction from the source of my trouble (who “did not have it”) and turned to the Lord who is the ultimate Source of all we need, He flooded me with tremendous favor and multiplied my recompense (often not just double but often 10 times what was lost), which He promises to every one of us!

Toe ek opgehou het om bevrediging te soek by die bron van my pyn (wat dit duidelik “nie gehad het nie”) en my tot die Here gewend het—die enigste ware Bron van alles wat ons nodig het—het Hy my oorspoel met genade en guns en my vergoeding vermenigvuldig! (Nie net dubbel nie—maar dikwels tien keer meer as wat ek verloor het!) En dít belowe Hy vir elkeen van ons!

Let me also explain that you are on a journey of healing.

You are not going to be "poof" instantly healed from your pain or shame or problems. WHY?

Laat ek dit ook duidelik stel: Jy is op ’n reis van genesing.

Jy gaan nie net “poef!” in ’n oogwink genees wees van jou pyn, skaamte of probleme nie. En weet jy hoekom nie?

1. If that happened, then the rest of your life would remain the same.
2. If that happened, you would not develop your own ministry, a way to help others in the same way you've been helped.
   1. Allowing you to have a front-row seat to what He's doing.
   2. Giving purpose and joy to your life—like you've never felt before.
3. If that happened, you will miss out on knowing Him intimately as your :
   1. Heavenly Father
   2. Your Protector,
   3. Your Provider
   4. Your Lover
   5. Your Friend
   6. Your Everything... anything and everything you need Him to be in your life!
4. As dit so gebeur het, sou die res van jou lewe presies dieselfde gebly het.
5. As dit so gebeur het, sou jy nie jou eie bediening ontwikkel het nie—’n manier om ander te help, net soos jy gehelp is nie.
   1. Hy gee vir jou ’n voorste ry sitplek om te sien wat Hy besig is om te doen.
   2. Hy gee betekenis en vreugde aan jou lewe—’n vreugde wat jy nog nooit vantevore geken het nie.
6. As genesing in een oomblik gebeur het, sou jy Hom nooit leer ken het soos jy Hom nou leer ken nie—as jou:
   1. Hemelse Vader
   2. Jou Beskermer
   3. Jou Voorsiener
   4. Jou Beminde
   5. Jou Vriend
   6. Jou Alles… enigiets en alles wat jy nodig het dat Hy in jou lewe moet wees!

This journey of healing was designed by the Creator Himself who wants to be real to you, very real, and not Someone who sits in heaven looming over you, ignoring your cries.

Hierdie genesingsreis is deur die Skepper self beplan—want Hy wil vir jou werklik wees, baie werklik. Nie net iemand daar bo in die hemel wat koud en afsydig oor jou neerkyk en jou trane ignoreer nie.

This is what the Lord spoke to me—they don’t have it!
No one has what I need
No one has what You need.
Only HE has it—
He has all I need!
He has all YOU need!

Dít is wat die Here vir my gesê het—hulle hét dit nie!
Niemand het wat ek nodig het nie.
Niemand het wat JY nodig het nie.
Net HÝ het dit—
Hy het alles wat ek nodig het!
Hy het alles wat JY nodig het!

You know it's true, of course, they do not have it because every other source will eventually dry up—only God has an endless source of everything ever created and can even create that which does not exist! Their patience will dry up, the compassion will dry up, their understanding will dry up—everything dries up and often it's directly connected to how much they do NOT have!

Jy weet dis waar—natuurlik het hulle dit nie, want elke ander bron droog uiteindelik op. Net God het ’n eindelose bron van alles wat ooit geskep is—en Hy kan selfs skep wat nie bestaan nie! Mense se geduld raak op, hulle deernis raak op, hulle begrip raak op—alles droog op. En dit is gewoonlik direk gekoppel aan hoe min hulle regtig het!

Bankrupt

Bankrot

The Lord helped me to understand that people of this world are bankrupt in every way. We aren't the only people in need. Think about it. The people of the world (and most Christians) lack compassion, kindness, love, and everyone has limited resources, yet we foolishly keep looking to them for our needs. All the while our Lord, our Lover, and our Friend has an endless source of every resource that we need and want—available to us—when we simply look to Him alone!!

Die Here het my gehelp om te verstaan dat mense in hierdie wêreld op elke moontlike manier bankrot is. Ons is nie die enigstes wat iets kortkom nie. Dink daaroor. Die mense van die wêreld (en selfs die meeste Christene) het min deernis, min vriendelikheid, min liefde, en almal se hulpbronne is beperk—maar steeds bly ons domweg na húlle kyk vir wat ons nodig het. Al die tyd het ons Here, ons Liefdesmaat, ons Vriend ’n eindelose bron van alles wat ons nodig het en begeer—en dit is vir ons beskikbaar—wanneer ons net na Hóm kyk!

That's not all, each and every time we look to others instead of to Him, we find ourselves in even greater need when they fail to give us what we may need, deserve or want. That’s when we, too, end up bankrupt because by looking to others, we have pulled the plug, cut the tie, severed our true Source, Him.

Dis nie al nie. Elke keer wat ons na ander mense kyk in plaas van na Hom, kom ons agter ons is in nog groter nood—want mense gee nie vir ons wat ons nodig het, verdien of begeer nie. En dis dan dat óns ook bankrot eindig—want deur na ander te kyk, het ons die stekker uitgetrek, die band gesny, ons ware Bron van voorsiening afgesny: Hóm.

Remember what He said, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing”? We can do nothing, accomplish nothing, and are powerless!

Onthou jy wat Hy gesê het? “Ek is die wingerdstok, julle die lote. Wie in My bly en Ek in hom, hy dra baie vrug; want sonder My kan julle niks doen nie.” (Johannes 15:5 NLV) Sonder Hom kan ons niks doen nie, niks bereik nie—ons is magteloos!

Are you lacking fruit in your life?

Voel jy of daar min of geen vrug in jou lewe is nie?

Sure, maybe you're overloaded with bitter fruit, but what about the sweet fruit that everyone is drawn to? If you want to produce this sort of fruit, like true vines, the Gardener will need to cut all of your dead limbs and bitter fruit down until there is only a stump left. Read this and see if you can relate:

Ja, dalk dra jy baie vrug—maar dis bitter vrug. Wat van die soet vrug wat ander aantrek? As jy só ’n vrug wil dra, soos ’n ware wingerdstok, sal die Tuinier al die dooie takke en bitter vrugte moet afsny—tot daar net ’n stomp oorbly. Lees hier en kyk of jy kan identifiseer:

“You [God] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.”

“You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.”

Afrikaans (Psalm 88:19 & 9 – 2020 NLV):
U het my vriend en my metgesel van my verwyder; my bekendes is duisternis vir my.

U het my vriende ver van my verwyder; U het my vir hulle ’n afsku gemaak; ek is vasgevang en kan nie uitkom nie.

So when the Lord brought the principle that “they don’t have it” to my mind, in reference to my husband, I knew that I had failed to seek what I needed from my true Source, Him. Instead, I had sought what I needed and deserved from someone who “didn’t have it” once again so I was more broken, more hurt, feeling even more hopeless.

Toe die Here die beginsel “hulle het dit nie” in my gedagtes terugbring—veral oor my man—het ek besef ek het gefaal om te soek na wat ek nodig het by my ware Bron—by Hóm. Ek het weer eens probeer om te kry wat ek nodig het en verdien van iemand wat dit eenvoudig nie hád nie—en ek was net nog meer gebreek, seergemaak en moedeloos.

Sadly, too, in the process of trying to get what I needed from them, I had bankrupted them and my relationships—not just my marriage but every relationship that meant anything to me. God showed me that as the Lord’s bride, which is who I am because God knows I've been rejected enough, I looked far from being a Believer. Read this and see if you can relate:

En tragies genoeg—terwyl ek probeer het om by hulle te kry wat ek nodig het—het ek húlle en al my verhoudings bankrot gemaak. Nie net my huwelik nie, maar elke verhouding wat vir my belangrik was. God het my gewys dat as Sy bruid—wat ek is, want Hy wéét ek is al genoeg verwerp—ek glad nie soos ’n gelowige gelyk het nie. Lees dit en kyk of jy kan identifiseer:

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

Afrikaans (Jesaja 54:4–6 – 2020 NLV):
Moenie bang wees nie, jy sal nie skaam staan nie. Moenie skaam wees nie, jy sal nie verneder word nie. Jy sal die skande van jou jeug vergeet, en jy sal nie langer onthou dat jy soos ’n weduwee was nie.

“For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts [Who by the way means He is a warrior]; and your Redeemer [which means He pays any outstanding debt in your life: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical] is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

Want jou Man is jou Maker – die Here die Almagtige is Sy Naam. Jou Verlosser is die Heilige van Israel, Hy word genoem: Die God van die hele aarde.

“'For the Lord has called you, [will you answer?] like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.”

Die Here het jou geroep – soos ’n vrou wat verwerp is, wat diep hartseer is; soos ’n jong vrou wat deur haar man verwerp is. Dit is wat jou God sê.

When I go to my Source: my GOD promises to supply all my needs and always gives me more than I need so I don’t need to seek anything from anyone.

Wanneer ék na my Bron gaan, dan belowe my GOD om al my behoeftes te voorsien—en Hy gee altyd méér as wat ek nodig het—so ek hoef niks by enigiemand te gaan soek nie.

When YOU go to YOUR Source: YOUR GOD promises to supply all YOUR needs and always gives YOU more than YOU need so YOU don’t need to seek anything from anyone.

Wanneer JY na JOU Bron gaan, dan belowe JOU GOD om al JOU behoeftes te voorsien—en Hy sal altyd meer gee as wat jy nodig het—sodat jy niks by enigiemand hoef te gaan soek nie.

As a bride, as His bride, I am, instead, able to give to others in need from my over-abundance; my overflowing resources.

As Sy bruid, as ’n vrou van die Koning, kan ek eerder gee—uit my oorvloed, uit die stroom van wat Hy in my lewe losmaak—en so ander se nood help verlig.

“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”

Afrikaans (Lukas 6:38 – 2020 NLV):
Gee, en vir julle sal gegee word. ’n Goeie maat, ingedruk, geskud en propvol sal in julle skoot gegiet word. Want met die maat waarmee julle meet, sal vir julle gemeet word.

However, the opposite is also true. Whenever I go, whenever you go to any source who “doesn’t have it,” we then will find ourselves without what we want and need and immediately become selfish and stingy and begin to panic—not the characteristic of the Lord’s bride. We also, in turn, bankrupt the other source making our mess and pain and frustration much, much worse.

Maar die teenoorgestelde is net so waar. Elke keer as ek of jy na ’n bron gaan wat “dit nie het nie,” dan sit ons sonder wat ons nodig het—en ons begin paniekerig raak, selfsugtig en gierig optree—wat glad nie pas by die karakter van die Here se bruid nie. En ons maak die ander persoon of verhouding ook bankrot—wat net ons pyn, verwarring en frustrasie nog baie erger maak.

When I asked the Lord how to make it right, what was at the root of my problems, not surprisingly He said, "It begins with forgiveness." No, not forgiving "myself" since it's that word "self" that is a bottomless pit and once you fall down into that deep well it's nearly impossible to climb out again! First, we ask HIS forgiveness and receive HIS mercy. And mercy means WE don't deserve what He's giving us.

Toe ek die Here vra hoe om dit reg te maak, wat die wortel van my probleme is, het Hy (nie verrassend nie) gesê: “Dit begin met vergifnis.” Nee, nie daardie wêreldse idee van om “jouself te vergewe” nie—want daardie “self” is ’n bodemlose put, en as jy eers daarin val, is dit byna onmoontlik om weer uit te kom! Eers vra ons sý vergifnis en ontvang sý genade. En genade beteken: ons verdien glad nie wat Hy aan ons gee nie.

Then we turn around and GIVE the forgiveness that the other person doesn't deserve, the forgiveness we have refused or given but recanted.

En dan draai ons om en GEE vergifnis aan die ander persoon—die vergifnis wat húlle nie verdien nie. Die vergifnis wat ons dalk geweier het, of eens gegee het maar weer teruggehou het.