“‘I have done no wrong.’”

—Proverbs 30:20

 

“‘Ek het niks verkeerds gedoen nie.”’

—Spreuke 30:20

 

How many of us think that it had to be something we did wrong that caused our current distress? Whether the distress is related to our health, a relationship, or in regard to our finances, we believe that it had to be our “fault” that this dreadful thing happened.

Hoeveel van ons dink dat dit iets moes wees wat ons verkeerd gedoen het om ons huidige ellende te veroorsaak? Of die elllende verwant het met ons gesondheid, ‘n verhouding, of met betrekking tot ons finansies, glo ons dat dit ons skuld moet wees dat hierdie vreeslike ding gebeur het.

By blaming ourselves for the mess, however, we have proven a true and humble heart, since the characteristic of the adulteress is that she believes she is never at fault. Proverbs 30:20 tell us, “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no wrong.’”

Deur onsself te blameer vir die gemors, nietemin, het ons ‘n ware en nederige hart bewys, aangesien die karaktertrekke van die ontroue vrou is dat sy glo sy nooit verkeerd is nie. Spreuke 30:20 sĂȘ vir ons, “Die ontroue vrou het haar eie manier: sy eet en vee haar mond af en sĂȘ: “Ek het niks verkeerds gedoen nie.”’

Taking the responsibility for why we are in our present crisis or distress is a great place to start finding our way out—since it leads to us seeking the Lord to search our heart. “Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139: 23–24 AMP).

Om die verantwoordelikheid te neem vir waarom ons in ons huidige krisis is is ‘n wonderlike plek om te begin om ons pad uit te vind—aangesien dit daartoe lei dat ons die Here met ons hart uitsoek. “Deurgrond my, o God, ondersoek my, sien tog my onrus raak. Kyk of ek nie op die verkeerde pad is nie en lei my op die beproefde pad” (Psalms 139: 23-24 Afr 83).

However, once you have taken a thorough look at yourself, repented of anything, then it’s time to move on to a principle that very few Christians understand. Sadly, even many pastors ignore the principle when preaching. It’s understanding that a crisis is often more about God obtaining a greater glory and also for Him to be able to ultimately bless you. Here’s the principle in this verse:

Nietemin, sodra jy deeglik na jouself gekyk het, en van enigiets tot inkeer gekom het, dan is dit tyd om na ‘n beginsel te skuif wat baie min Christene verstaan. Treurig, selfs baie pastore ignoreer die beginsel wanneer hulle preek. Dit is om te verstaan dat ‘n krisis meer dikwels is oor God wat ‘n groter glorie kry en ook vir Hom om jou uiteindelik te seĂ«n. Hier is die beginsel in hierdie verse:  

“Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, ‘Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?’ Jesus said, ‘You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do’” (John 9:1–2 MSG).

“In die verbygaan sien Jesus ‘n man wat blind gebore is. “Wie se skuld is dit dat hierdie man blind gebore is?” vra sy dissipels Hom. “Het hy self vir God ongelukkig gemaak of was dit sy ouers?” “Nee,” sĂȘ Jesus, “dis nie een van hulle se skuld nie. God wil juis hierdie man se blindheid gebruik om te wys wat Hy vir mense kan doen’” (Johannes 9:1-2 DB).

Our human nature loves to blame someone for the reason when something is wrong. We believe that every problem that plagues us is the result of someone’s sin, someone’s mistake, someone who is out to get us, when, in fact, it is often God Himself who is behind it. We know this is true because it says so in this verse, “That men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these” (Isaiah 45:7).

Ons menslike natuur is lief daarvoor om iemand te blameer vir die rede wanneer iets verkeerd is. Ons glo dat elke probleem wat ons teister die resultaat van iemand se sonde is, iemand se fout, iemand wat daarop uit is om ons te kry, wanneer, die feit is, dit dikwels God is wat agter dit sit. Ons weet dit is waar omdat dit so sĂȘ in die verse, “Ek doen dit sodat elkeen van die ooste af tot in die weste kan weet dat daar buiten My geen God is nie; Ek is die HERE, daar is geen ander nie. Ek maak die lig en skep die donker; Ek gee voorspoed en skep rampspoed. Ek is die HERE, ek doen al hierdie dinge” (Jesaja 45:7).

Yet Christians still refuse to look at this as even a remote possibility; the possibility that it could be God, not just God who is “allowing” this “enemy” attack, but actually God who created the calamity. Yet, if we go beyond the Who and take the next step to “why” then we could fully understand: It is due to God seeking a greater glory, to show the lost (and the believer) what He can do—the impossible.

Tog Christene weier nog om hierna te kyk as selfs ‘n geringe moontlikheid, die moontlikheid dat dit God kan wees, nie net God wat die “vyandelike” aanval “toelaat” nie, maar God wat eintlik die rampspoed geskep het. Tog as ons verby die Wie gaan en die volgende stap neem as “waarom” dan kan ons ten volle verstaan: Dit is omdat God ‘n groter glorie soek, om vir die verlore (en die gelowige) te wys wat Hy kan doen—die onmoontlike. 

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” “Ah Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You” (Jeremiah 32:27; 32:17)! And finally, “For nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). If you remember, Erin said this verse in Luke is the principle that RMI was founded on, and what keeps it going even now.

“Ek is die HERE die God van al die mense. Is iets vir My onmoontlik?” “Ag, Here my GOD, U het die hemel en die aarde gemaak deur u groot mag. Niks is vir U onmoontlik  nie” (Jeremia 32:27; 32:17)! En finaal, “Niks is vir God onmoontlik nie” (Lukas 1:37). As jy onthou, Erin het gesĂȘ die vers in Lukas is die beginsel waarop HMI gevestig is, en wat dit selfs nou aan die gang hou.

So, let me ask you: Why wallow in guilt, or focus on blaming someone else when we are free to move on to the exciting part of each crisis—what also helps to repel fear and shame? Why not look for what God can do and is about to do in our lives when a crisis hits or calamity strikes? Quickly shift the way you think remembering “it was so that the works of God might be displayed”!

So laat my jou vra: Hoekom in skuldgevoelens swelg, of fokus om iemand anders te blameer wanneer ons vry is om aan te beweeg na die opwindende deel van elke krisis—wat ook help om vrees en skande te af te weer? Waarom nie kyk vir wat God kan doen en op die punt staan om in ons lewens te doen wanneer ‘n krisis of rampspoed tref nie? Skuif gou die manier waarop jy dink en onthou “dit is sodat die werke wat God doen, in hom gesien sal kan word”! 

Over the past two years, I have felt incredibly blessed because God actually chose me to go through some pretty incredible, and often unbelievable trials, in order to allow the works of God to be displayed. So often when trials hit us, we dread, panic, hide, feel guilty, and experience every negative emotion under the sun. Yet, by allowing negative thoughts and feelings to be our focus, which often consumes us, we usually miss the anticipation and excitement of what God is about to do when He shows up in our current crisis. And fear can even block what He wants to do, just as Jesus explained in Mark 6:5, “And He [Jesus] could do no miracle there except that He laid His hands upon a few sick people and healed them. And He wondered at their unbelief.” The Voice says, “He was amazed by the stubbornness of their unbelief.”

Oor die afgelope twee jaar, het ek ongelooflik geseĂ«n gvoel omdat God my gekies het om deur sommige taamlike ongelooflike, en dikwels ongeloofbare beproewings te gaan, sodat die werke van God gesien kan word. So dikwels wanneer beproewings ons tref, vrees ons, raak paniekerig, voel skuldig, en ervaar elke negatieve emosie onder die son. Tog, deur negatiewe gedagtes en gevoelens toe te laat om ons fokus te wees, wat ons verteer, mis ons gewoonlik die afwagting van wat God op die punt staan om te doen wanneer Hy in ons huidige krisis verskyn. En vrees kan selfs blok wat Hy op die punt staan om te doen, net soos wat Jesus verduidelik het in Markus 6:5, “Hy kon daar geen enkele wonderwerk doen nie, behalwe dat Hy sy hande op ‘n paar siekes gelĂȘ en hulle gesond gemaak het. Hy was verbaas oor die ongeloof van die mense.” 

Is it stubbornness that causes us to block what He wants to do? Why not just come to a place of utter surrender, no longer wasting time on what we did wrong or blaming others? That’s when we will finally understand that God is not interested in us fixing our mistakes. So why do we always try to fix something when our Father or our Husband is about to show up and do the impossible if we would simply turn everything over to Him?

Is dit hardkoppigheid wat veroorsaak dat ons blok wat Hy wil doen? Waarom nie net by ‘n plek kom van oorgee nie, en nie meer tyd mors op wat ons verkeerd gedoen het of om ander te blameer nie? Dit is wanneer ons uiteindelik verstaan dat God nie geïnteresseerd is ons wat ons foute regstel nie. So waarom probeer ons altyd iets regstel wanneer ons Vader en ons Man op die punt staan om te verskyn en die onmoontlike te doen as ons eenvoudig alles na Hom toe keer?

Therein lies another myth, when Christians tell us “God is never late.”

Daarin lĂȘ nog ‘n verdigsel, wanneer Christene vir ons vertel dat “God nooit laat is nie.”

Absolutely, not so.

Absoluut, nie so nie.

As I shared in the last chapter, it was after my pledge was due, after the senior pastor said we were released, when God showed me the way to pay it—when a miracle was sent to me from the other side of the earth!

Soos wat ek in die laaste hoofstuk gedeel het, dit was na my belofte verskuldig was, nadat die senior pastoor gesĂȘ he ons was vrygeskeld, toe God vir my die pad gewys het om dit te betaal—toe ‘n wonderwerk na my toe gestuur was van die ander kant van die aarde!

Also, Jesus should be known for being late, and for being late on purpose. “So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was... So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days... Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.’... Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?’” (John 11:6, 17, 32, 40).

Ook, Jesus behoort bekend te wees om laat te wees, en om doelbewus laat te wees. “Nadat Hy gehoor het dat Lasarus siek is, het Hy egter nog twee dae op die plek gebly waar Hy was...Toe Jesus daar kom, het Hy gevind dat Lasarus al vier dae in die graf was...Toe Maria daar aankom waar Jesus was en Hom sien, het sy baie sy voete gekniel en vir Hom gesĂȘ: “Here, as U hier was, sou my broer nie gesterwe het nie.’...Jesus sĂȘ toe vir haar: “Het Ek nie vir jou gesĂȘ as jy glo, sal jy die openbaring van die wonderbaarlike mag van God sien nie?”’ (Johannes 11:6,17,32,40).

Jesus knew what waiting would do—so He never rushed ahead—He knew it would bring His Father greater glory! Yes, had Jesus gotten there “on time” He would have healed His sick friend and prevented Lazarus’ sisters mourning when their brother died. But for Jesus to wait, and be late on purpose, meant that the dead would be raised—proving that God can go beyond what we could ever have believed or comprehended!

Jesus het geweet wat wag sou doen—so Hy het nooit vorentoe gehaas nie—Hy het geweet dat dit Sy Vader groot glorie sou bring! Ja, het Jesus “betyds”  daar gekom sou Hy sy siek vriend genees het en Lasarus se susters se rou voorkom het toe hulle broer gesterf het. Maar vir Jesus om te wag, en doelbewus laat te wees, het gemeen dat die dood sou opgwek word—en bewys dat God bo wat ons ooit kan glo of begryp kan gaan!  

The story of Lazarus being raised from the dead, and the fact that Jesus was late on purpose, is significant to me personally because this is the story the Lord told me to remember when I first sought Him regarding my financial crisis. He spoke this to me the first time when I was in South Africa and just a couple of weeks into a very long and gruelling tour that took me around the world. To my horror, the day before I left for this five-week trip around the world, my bank accounts were totally empty after I withdrew just a very small amount of cash to bring with me! I even hesitated to take the cash out when I saw that by doing so I would have nothing left, but the Lord insisted (as I sought Him).

Die storie van Lasarus wat uit die dood uit opgewek is, en die feit dat Jesus doelbewus laat was, is insigewend vir my persoonlik omdat dit die storie is wat die Here vir my vertel het om te onthou toe ek in Suid Afrika was en net ‘n paar weke in ‘n baie uitmergelende toer wat my om die wĂȘreld geneem het. Tot my gruwel, die dag voor ek vertrek het vir my vyf-week reis om die wĂȘreld, was my bank rekeninge heeltemal leeg nadat ek net ‘n klein bietjie kontant getrek het om saam my te bring! Ek het selfs geaarsel om die kontant te trek toe ek sien dat as ek dit doen ek niks oor sou hĂȘ nie, maar die Here het daarop aangedring (soos wat ek Hom nagesoek het).

It is in obeying in the small things (those day-to-day things) that get you to the place of obeying and trusting Him in the big things. If I had not sought Him, and also obeyed what I heard even though it was terrifying to do so financially, I would never have made it to South Africa. When I was ready to leave this country, I found out that I needed that cash to get an unexpected visitor’s visa to get into Brazil. And to get me ready to believe and increase my faith, even more, I was told at the airport that it would take a full 6 months to get a visitor’s visa. Yet only 25 hours after I applied I got mine and got the last seat on that plane! Therein was the first proof that God was in control and would actually begin to use more crises in my life to prove that He was setting me up to eventually bless me. Yes, financially, but the principle stretches into every area of our lives. An incredible principle so few understand, and even fewer are able to make it through because they fail to know or believe what He says. They fail to trust Him in the little things, therefore, when the bigger crises hit, their spiritual muscles are unable to lift or carry the weight of it.

Dit is in die gehoorsaamheid van die klein dinge (daardie dag-vir-dag dinge) wat jou op die plek bring om op Hom vir die groot dinge te vertrou en te gehoorsaam. As ek Hom nie nagesoek het nie, en gehoorsaam toe ek gehoor het alhoewel dit angswekkend was om dit fianansieĂ«l so te doen, sou ek dit nooit na Suid Afrika toe gemaak het nie. Toe ek gereed was om hierdie land te verlaat, het ek uitgevind dat ek die kontant nodig gehad het om ‘n onverwagte besoeker se visa te kry om in BrasiliĂ« te kom. En om my gereed te maak om te glo en my geloof, selfs meer te vermeerder, het hulle vir my by die lughawe vertel dat dit ‘n volle 6 maande sou neem om ‘n besoekers visa te kry. Tog net 25 ure later het ek myne gekry en die laaste sitplek op daardie vliegtuig gekry! Daarin was die eerste bewys dat God in beheer was en sou eintlik begin om meer krisisse in my lewe te bring om te bewys dat Hy besig was om my op te stel om my  uiteindelik te seĂ«n. Ja, finansieĂ«l, maar die beginsel strek tot in elke gebied van ons lewens. ‘n Ongelooflike beginsel wat so min verstaan, en self minder in staat is om dit deur te maak omdat hulle misluk om te weet of te glo wat Hy sĂȘ. Hulle misluk om op Hom te vertrou om Hom met die klein dingetjies te vertrou, daarom wanneer die groot krisisse tref, is hulle spirituele spiere nie in staat om die gewig daarvan op te lig of te dra nie.   

Many of us snicker at the foolish and faithless Israelites, wandering in the desert, people who began to fear at every turn even though they had witnessed first-hand the miracles surrounding the plagues that resulted in their escape from Egypt. And then if that were not enough to build their faith (as we laughingly shake our heads), they even watched the Red Sea become a freeway to the other side. But how can we scoff when so many of us act the same way when we are experiencing far fewer difficulties than they faced? So often we have seen God work miraculously and precisely in so many ways in our lives and in the lives of others. We make reading testimonies a daily habit and yet when He sets us up for the next crisis in our own lives, we immediately suffer from amnesia and entirely forget about His faithfulness—and His timing!

Baie van ons giggel vir die dwase en ongelowige Israeliete, wat in die woestyn rondgedwaal het, mense wat begin het om om elke draai te vrees alhoewel hulle van die eerste-handse wonderwerke getuig het rondom die plae wat as gevolg daarvan tot in hulle ontsnapping uit Egipte gelei het. En toe as dit nie genoeg was om hulle geloof op te bou (soos wat ons laggend ons koppe kud), het hulle self gekyk hoe die Rooi See ‘n snelweg word van die ander kant af. Maar hoe kan ons spot wanneer so baie van ons op dieselfde manier optree en in die lewens van ander. Ons maak die lees van getuienisse ‘n daaglikse gewoonte en tog wanneer Hy ons opstel vir die volgende krisis in ons eie lewens, ly ons onmiddellik aan amnesie en vergeet heeltemal van Sy betroubaarheid—en Sy tydsberekening!

That’s why when we begin to stress about His timing (when time is running out) that’s when we need to remember that Jesus is often late on purpose—so that God will gain greater glory. Instead of simply healing a sick man, which is commendable, He’s late a full four days—four days with a man beginning to stink in a tomb. Each hour more crowds are gathering—when Jesus shows up and shouts, “Lazarus, come forth!” Dear friend, that’s the sort of miracle that will rock the world.

Dit is wanneer ons begin stres oor Sy tydsberekening (wanneer die tyd uithardloop) dit is wanneer ons moet onthou dat Jesus dikwels doelbewus laat is—sodat God groter glorie sal win. In plaas daarvan om ‘n siek man eenvoudig te genees, wat lofwaardig is, is Hy ‘n volle vier dae laat—vier dae met ‘n man wat in die graf begin stink. Elke uur vergader daar meer skares—wanneer Jesus opdaag en skree, “Lasarus, kom uit!” Liewe vriendin, dit is die soort wonderwerk wat die wĂȘreld sal skud. 

By the time I got to South Africa, I could sense that there had to be financial trouble back in the States, but each time I tried to get online to take a look at my accounts (that I do regularly when I travel), no matter how hard I tried to get in, God stopped me. It wasn’t the internet connection either because I could easily speak with my children, and see them clearly throughout our video chat. But I could not get into my bank to see how bad things had become in my bank accounts. Why?

Teen die tyd wat ek in Suid Afrika aangekom het, kon ek aanvoel dat daar moes finansiële moeilikheid terug in die State wees, maar elke keer wat ek probeer het om aanlyn te kom om na my rekeninge te kyk (wat ek gereeld doen wanneer ek reis)), maak nie saak hoe hard ek probeer het om in te kom nie, God het my gekeer. Dit was ook nie die internet konneksie nie omdat ek maklik met my kinders kon praat, en hulle duidelik deur ons video geselsie kon sien. Maar ek kon nie in my bank rekening inkom om te sien hoe sleg dinge geword het nie. Waarom?

Did you know that God’s miracles are usually formed in secret? “My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret” (Psalm 139:15). Not only does He want to keep us from concern and many fears that we would experience if we were watching His every move, He also likes to build us up for the big surprise when our miracle appears.

Het jy geweet dat God se wonderwerke gewoonlik in die geheim gevorm is? “Geen been van my was vir U verborge toe ek gevorm is waar niemand dit kon sien nie” (Psalms 139:15). Hy wil ons nie net weghou van bekommernis en baie vrese wat ons sou ervaar as ons Sy elke beweging sou dophou, Hy hou ook daarvan om ons op te bou vir die groot verrassing wanneer ons wonderwerk te voorskyn kom. 

Let me stop here to say that I do know that most expectant mothers have ultrasounds that tell not only the gender of their unborn baby but often detect (possible) abnormalities. Though many of these tests were available even when I was pregnant, I refused to have them, often having to sign a waiver releasing the doctors from any future responsibility or potential lawsuit. After I turned forty, during a pregnancy, I had a Christian doctor who couldn’t understand why I refused. She said even if I wouldn’t choose abortion, I should want to at least know if my baby would be born with an abnormality in order that I was “prepared.” As I was signing the release I simply said, “If something is wrong, He will either fix it, or He’ll prepare me.” One I didn’t take into consideration was Him taking children to be with Him before they could be born with something abnormal, that particular baby girl I lost. Why He wanted her is nothing I need to concern myself with, just knowing He’s watching what God determined should be “hidden” is enough for me to trust Him. Over the years I’ve watched so many mothers who suffered needlessly when they were told anything from being unable to conceive to obvious errors in diagnosis that were not present when their babies were born or abnormalities they grew out of (in other words, were healed from).

Laat my hier stop om te sĂȘ dat ek weet dat meeste verwagtende moeders het ultraklank wat jou van die geslag  sal vertel nie maar baie dikwels (moontlike) abnormaliteite opspoor. Alhoewel baie van hierdie toetse beskikbaar was toe ek swanger was, het ek geweier om hulle te hĂȘ, en moes dikwels ‘n kwytskelding teken om die dokters vry te laat van enige toekomstige verantwoordelikheid of potensiele geding. Nadat ek veertig geword het, gedurene swangerskap, het ek ‘n Christelike dokter gehad wat nie kon verstaan waarom ek geweier het nie. Sy het gesĂȘ selfs al het ek nie ‘n aborsie verkies nie, sou ek ten minste wou weet of my baba met ‘n abnormalitiet gebore sou word sodat ek “voorbereid” sou wees. Soos wat ek die kwytskelding vorms geteken het het ek eenvoudig gesĂȘ, “As iets verkeerd is, sal Hy dit of regmaak, of Hy sal my voorberei.” En wat ek nie in oorweging geneem het nie was Hom wat de kinders sou vat om saam Hom te wees voordat hulle gebore sou word met iets abnormaal, daardie spesifieke baba dogtertjie wat ek verloor het. Waarom Hy haar wou gehad het is niks waarmee ek myself hoef te bekommer nie, net om te weet dat Hy dophou dit wat God bepaal het “verborge” moet word is genoeg vir my om op Hom te vertrou. Oor die jare het ek gekyk hoe soveel moeders noodeloos gely het wanneer daar vir hulle vertel word enigiets van om nie in staat te wees om swanger te raak tot die oĂ«nskynlike foute in diagnose wat nie teenwoordig was toe hulle babas gebore is of abnormaliteite wat hulle ontgroei het (met ander woorde, van genees is).

Please understand I am not saying, nor do I tell anyone to live at this level of faith. You need to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and practice your faith daily before entering or winning the Olympics. Simple live happily at whatever level of faith you have and trust God to create a variety of calamities to help it increase.

Verstaan asseblief ek sĂȘ nie, nog minder vertel ek enigiemand om op hierdie vlak van geloof te lewe nie. Jy moet kruip voordat jy loop, loop voordat jy hardloop en jou daaglikse geloof uitoefen voordat jy die Olimpies betree. Lewe eenvoudig gelukkig op watookal vlak van geloof jy het en vertrou op God om ‘n verskeidenheid van rampspoed te skep om dit te help vermeerder.

What kept me going then, and what keeps me going now, is to stop looking at how bad things are. Thankfully, most of my bills are done by auto-payments; therefore, I don’t have to keep staring at what is happening with my finances. Yes, I could, but I don’t. Instead, I look up, into His face, focusing on His goodness and faithfulness—remembering all that He has done for me in the past to keep my faith built up.

Wat my toe aan die gang gehou het, en wat my nou aanhou maak groei, is om te stop om te kyk hoe erg dinge is. Dankbaar, word baie van my rekeninge deur auto-paaiemente gedoen; daarom, hoef ek nie aan te hou om te staar oor wat besig is om met my finansies te gebeur nie. Ja, ek kan, maar ek doen nie. In plaas daarvan, kyk ek op, in Sy gesig, en fokus op Sy goedheid en betroubaarheid—en ek onthou alles wat Hy vir my gedoen het in die verlede om my geloof opgebou te hou.

The truth is, God did not simply thrust me into this wilderness without first showing me His awesomeness and His faithfulness for many, many years. On two occasions, just recently, God showed me an incredible financial miracle right before my very eyes. The first happened when I had agreed to take on all the family and ministry debt when my husband filed for divorce. It was more than overwhelming since my husband told me honestly that I would not be able to pay all the bills, and due to my giving and stupidity, I would lose our home too.

Die waarheid is, God het my eenvoudig nie in die wildernis in gestamp sonder om vir my vir baie, baie jare eers Sy ontsagalikheid en Sy betroubaarheid, te wys nie. Op twee geleenthede, net onlangs, het God my ‘n ongelooflike finansiĂ«le wonderwerk reg voor my oĂ« gewys. Dit het eers gebeur toe ek ingestem het om al die familie en bediening se skuld aan te vat toe my man ‘n egskeiding aanhanig gemaak het. Dit was meer as oorweldegind aangesien my man my eerlik vertel het dat ek nie in staat sou wees om al die rekeninge te betaal nie, dit as gevolg van my gee en my onnoselheid, en dat ek ons huis ook sou verloor.

Since God had taken the time to make me look foolish, to me it was evidence that He was going to do something a bit radical, which meant He’d called me to some sort of radical obedience.

Aangesien God die tyd geneem het om my soos ‘n dwaas te laat lyk, was dit vir my bewyse dat Hy iets ‘n bietjie radikaal sou doen, wat beteken dat Hy my na een of ander soort radikale gehoorsaamheid sou roep.

The Lord prompted me to pay thousands of dollars that I told you about in Chapter 1. And as a result, as you also read, a miracle happened. Then, so that I would have two financial miracles to remember when things got to the huge crisis I am living now, God allowed me to wake up one morning only to find that I had no money in either of my accounts. It was just after Christmas—how’s that for starting the New Year right?

Die Here het my aangehits om dusiende rande waarvan ek jou in Hoofstuk 1 vertel het te betaal. En as gevolg, soos wat jy lees, het ‘n wonderwerk ontstaan. Dan, sodat ek twee finansiĂ«le wonderwerke het om te onthou wanneer dinge in ‘n groot krisis ontaard wat ek nou beleef. Het God my toegelaat om een oggend wakker te word om te vind dat ek geen geld in enige van my rekeninge gehad het nie. Dit was net na Kersfees—hoe is dit om die Nuwe Jaar te begin reg?

So, let me share this testimony with you; because, guess what? Sharing what God has already done not only can encourage you, but it also keeps me going forward knowing what He is about to do now when I need Him even more! Though I don’t know the details of how He’ll do it (because if I did, I might become fearful), I do, however, know how it ends!

So, laat my hierdie getuienis met jou deel; omdat, raai wat? Om te deel wat God alreeds gedoen het kan jou nie net bemoedig nie, maar dit hou my ook vorentoe gaan wetend wat Hy op die punt staan om te doen wanneer ek Hom nog meer nodig het! Alhoewel ek nie die besonderhede ken van hoe Hy dit gaan doen nie (omdat as ek het, sou ek vreesagtig geword het), ek weet, nietemin,  hoe dit eindig!

What He’s done, the testimonies I share with you throughout this book were never meant just for me. God set me up, allowing me to live through these trials for you—so that you can believe Him for each of your financial crises. And please don’t just think of them within the constraints of your finances—each of His principles is good for everything that ails you! Everything that causes you to fear and pull back from moving forward in faith with Him right at your side.

Wanneer Hy klaar is, is die getuienis wat ek dwarsdeur die boek met jou deel nooit bedoel net vir my nie. God het my opgestel, en my toegelaat om deur hierdie beproewings vir jou te lewe sodat jy in Hom kan glo vir elkeen van jou finansiĂ«le krisisse. En asseblief moet nie net aan hulle dink binne die beperkings van jou finansies nie—elke een van Sy beginsels is goed vir enigiets wat jou kwaal! Alles wat jou vrees veroorsaak en terug te trek om in geloof vorentoe te beweeg met Hom reg langs jou.

For this crisis, the Lord told me it wouldn’t happen immediately and told me to “remember Lazarus.” I must be honest, just the thought of me being in a financial tomb and beginning to smell foul (financially) oftentimes makes me feel a bit uneasy or queasy. Yet, each day I wake up and choose to turn those troubled feelings into thoughts of excitement, of a resurrection, rather than a mere healing, which is why He has chosen to make me wait until I am buried.

Vir hierdie krisis, het die Here my vertel dat dit nie onmiddellik sou gebeur en my vertel om “Lasarus te onthou.” Ek moet eerlik wees, net die gedagte date ek in ‘n finansiĂ«le graf is en begin te stink (fiansieĂ«l) maak my dikwels ‘n bietjie ongemaklik en naar voel. Tog, elke dag word ek wakker en verkies om daardie bekommerde gevoelens in gedagtes van opwinding te verander, van ‘n opstanding, eerder as ‘n blote genesing, wat is waarom Hy gekies het om my te maak wag totdat ek begrawe is.

To be sure, my finances are beginning to smell—oh, but the aroma of an impending miracle! And even though I’ve done my best to do this quietly, the more people who end up knowing what is happening in my life right now, the more ridiculous, odd or irresponsible I am being accused of. However, this place of being hopelessly in need of HIM is the only place I want to be.

Om seker te wees, my finansies begin te stink—o, maar die reuk van ‘n naderende wonderwerk! En alhoewel ek my beste gedoen het om dit stil te doen, hoe meer mense wat  opeindig om te weet wat nou in my lewe gebeur, hoe meer belaglik, vreemd of onverantwoordelik word ek van beskuldig. Nietemin, die plek om hopeloos in HOM behoeftig te wees is die enigste plek waar ek wil wees.

Financial Testimony #4
Finansiële Getuienis #4

“She Gave Out of her Poverty”
“Sy Gee Uit Haar Armoede”

Before I begin, let me lay a foundation. Remember with me the story of the “Widow's Mite” from the Bible, which I shared in an earlier chapter. And just to refresh both our memories, let’s read it again, “And He [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent. Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, ‘Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on’” (Mark 12:41-45).

Voordat ek begin, laat my ‘n fondasie lĂȘ. Onthou saam met my die storie van die “Weduwee se Penning” uit die Bybel, wat ek in ‘n vroeĂ«r hoostuk gedeel het. En net om albei ons geheue te verfris, kom ons lees dit weer, “Jesus het toe regoor die offergawekis gaan sit en kyk hoe die mense geld daar ingooi. Daar het toe ‘n arm weduwee gekom en twee muntstukkies ingegooi. Dit was baie min werd. Hy het sy dissipels nader geroep en vir hulle gesĂȘ: “Dit verseker Ek julle Hierdie arm weduwee het meer ingegooi as al die ander mense wat in die offergawekis gegooi het. Hulle het almal uit hulle oorvloed iets ingegooi , maar sy het in haar gebrek alles ingegooi wat sy gehad het, alles waarvan sy moes lewe.”’ (Markus 12:41-45).   

Though I had heard the story many times, it wasn’t until I was asked to give when I was in total ruin that I finally understood what it meant to give out of a lack, rather than from an abundance or at least having enough.

Alhoewel ek die storie baie keer gehoor het, dit was nie totdat ek gevra was om te gee wanneer ek in totale ondergang was dat ek finaal verstaan het wat dit beteken  om uit gebrek te gee, eerder as uit oorvloed of om ten minste genoeg te hĂȘ.

It was December, just five months after my divorce was final. God had been incredibly faithful, and I had done my best to be obedient in everything He told me or showed me to do since taking over the family and ministry’s finances about eight months earlier.

Dit was Desember, net vyf maande na my egskeiding finaal was. God was ongelooflik getrou, en ek het my bes gedoen om gehoorsaam in alles wat Hy vir my gesĂȘ het of gewys het om te doen vandat ek  die familie en bediening se finansies omtrent agt maande vroeĂ«r oorgeneem het te wees.

As I mentioned in my testimony in Chapter One, not only did I take on all that debt, agreeing to no child support, but my ministry was also slowly but surely crumbling. In March of the same year, Erin decided we no longer should minister to men, which accounted for more than 50% of my ministry’s income through the book sales; men tended to buy more than women.

Soos wat ek in my getuienis genoem het in Hoofstuk Een, nie net het el al die skuld oorgeneem nie, en ingestem om geen kinderondersteuning te kry nie, maar my bediening was besig om stadig maar sekerlik te verkrummel. In Maart van dieselfde jaar, het Erin besluit dat ons nie meer aan mans moet minister nie, wat vir meer as 50% van my bediening se inkomste deur boekverkopings bereken is; mans neig om meer as vrouens te koop.

The decision to make RMI for women only was posted on Erin’s sites and mine the day before my 50th birthday, in March of that same year (my birthday and Erin’s are less than a week apart). Once my husband told me about filing for divorce, he suggested that I reconsider not selling our men’s resources. Just because of Erin’s decision, there was no good reason I should make the same mistake she was making, he said. Yet I knew it had been God who set it up in that order and that He was using Erin, yet again in my life. God knew that my being a newly divorced woman might put me in a vulnerable position if I had anything to do with interacting with helping men who had also lost their wives.

Die besluit om HMI alleenlik vir vrouens te maak was op Erins en my webwerwe die dag voor my 50ste verjaardag, in Maart van dieselfde jaar geplaas (my verjaardag en Erin sin is minder as ‘n week uit mekaar). Toe my man my vertel dat hy ‘n egskeiding aanhanig maak, het hy voorgestel dat ek moet oorweeg om nie ons mans se hulpbronne te verkoop nie. Net deur Erin  se besuit, was daar  geen goeie rede dat ek dieselfde fout moes maak wat sy besig was om te maak nie, het hy gesĂȘ. Tog ek het geweet dat dit God was wat dit opgestel het en dat hy Erin, weer in my lewe gebruik het. God het geweet dat ek wat ‘n pas geskeide vrou was my dalk in ‘n kwesbare situasie sou plaas as ek enigiets te doen gehad het om interaksie te hĂȘ om mans te help wie ook hulle vrouens verloor het.   

Besides this, using money to make my decisions is a trap. “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings like an eagle that flies toward the heavens” (Proverbs 23:4–5).

Buiten dit, om geld te maak om besluite te maak is ‘n lokval. “Moet jou nie afsloof om ryk te word nie en moenie jou sin vir waardes verloor nie. Jy het nog skaars die rykdom gesmaak of dit is weg; dit kry vlerke en vlieg die lug in soos ‘n arend” (Spreuke 23:4-5).

So, even before my divorce was final, the men’s resources were off my site and my income was immediately cut in half just as RMI’s was.

So, selfs voordat my egskeiding finaal was, was die mans se hulpbronne van my webwerf af en my inkomste was onmiddellik in die helfte gesny net soos HMI sin was.

Enter, the next phase of crises.

Gaan die volgende fase van krisisse in.

Even before the divorce was final, the first of several attacks came. But before I go on, please keep in mind that though these attacks came through my ex-husband, there is no point in looking at “who” your “enemy” might be. God should be well-known for getting His people into situations where the odds are not in our favor—and He does this purposely! It doesn’t matter who He chooses to use—please never lose sight of Who creates calamity and for what purpose. He does so to prosper us, stretching us, by allowing us to be put in precarious situations in order for Him to rescue us at the right time, even when that may be late (on purpose).

Selfs voor die egskeing finaal was, het die eerste van verskeie aanvalle gekom. Maar voor ek aangaan, hou assebief in gedagte dat alhoewel hierdie aanvalle deur my eks-man gekom het, is daar geen punt om te kyk “wie” jou “vyand” mag wees nie. God behoort wel-bekend te wees om Sy mense in situasies te kry waar die kans nie in ons guns is nie—en Hy doen dit doelbewus! Dit maak nie saak wie Hy kies om te gebruik nie—moet nooit uit die oog verloor Wie  rampspoed skep en vir watter doel. Hy doen dit om ons te vooruit te laat gaan, ons te rek, deur ons toe te laat om in ‘n onseker situasie te plaas sodat Hy ons op die regte tyd kan red, selfs wanneer dit laat mag wees (doelbewus). 

Though some may debate this fact, there is one place in particular that there is real proof of this principle when Gideon is told to get rid of more and more of his army—cutting his army of 22,000 down to a mere 300. God purposely stacked the odds against him knowing that it would be the blasts of the trumpets, not the army fighting, that would win the war. It’s the very same with our lives. It’s not what we have left, but simply our shouts of praise that will win any battle raging in our life.

Alhoewel sommige hierdie feit mag debateer, is daar een spesifieke plek waar daar regte bewyse is van hierdie beginsel toe Gideon gesĂȘ is om meer en meer ontslae te raak van sy weermag—en sy weermag af te sny van 22,000 tot ‘n blote 300. God het doelbewus  die kans teen hom opgestapel en geweet dat dit die geblaas van die trompette, nie die vegtende weermag was, wat die oorlog sou wen nie. Dit is dieselfde met ons lewens. Dit is nie wat ons oor het nie, maar eenvoudig ons uitroep van lof wat enige stryd wat in ons lewens woed sal wen.

So how could I possibly make it when half of my income was gone? Before I had a chance to think about it, God chose to cut my income even further when my husband made more demands. But as I said earlier, it doesn’t matter whom the Lord chooses to use. My only reason for mentioning this to you is so you can relate to my story, and let go of all the “details” of your current or future crises. My hope is that you will remember to always keep your eyes on where God is headed and Who is holding your hand. Your Husband.

So hoe kan ek dit moontlik maak wanneer die helfte van my inkomste weg is? Voordat ek ‘n kans het om daaroor te dink, het God gekies om my inkomste selfs meer te sny toe my man meer eise gestel het. Maar soos ek vroeĂ«r gesĂȘ het, dit maak nie saak wie die Here kies om te gebruik nie. My enigste rede dat ek dit aan jou noem is sodat jy verband kan hou met my storie, en laat gaan van al die “besonderhede” van jou huidige of toekomstige krisisse. My hoop is dat jy sal onthou om altyd jou oĂ« te hou op waar God oppad heen is Wie jou hand vashou. Jou Man. 

However catastrophic it became, I was able to see almost immediately that this was the opportunity I had been waiting for. For years, I wanted just to GIVE, but I was never in the position of authority to do so. So, now, without needing a husband’s permission, I was able to distribute the rest the contents of my bookstore—giving most of it away for free—and the first box I taped shut was sent to Africa! Awesome, right?

Nietemin katastrofies het dit geword, ek was in staat om amper onmiddellik te sien dat dit die geleentheid was waarvoor ek gewag het. Vir jare wou ek GEE, maar ek was nooit in die posisie van gesag om dit te doen nie. So, nou, sonder dat ek my man se toestemming nodig het, was ek in staat om die res van die inhoud van die boekwinkel te versprei—en dit meestal gratis weg te gee—en die eerste boks  wat ek toegeplak het was na Afrika toe gestuur! Ongelooflik, reg?

However, once the excitement was over, I was left with less and less of an income. Thankfully, I am not the best at handling finances, so I was not aware of how horrific things were becoming. Not until one morning in December. Here, then, is my testimony.

Nietemin, toe die opgewondenheid oor was, was ek met minder en minder van ‘n inkomste gelos. Dankbaar, is ek nie die beste om fianasies te hanteer nie, so ek was nie bewus van hoe gruwelik dinge besig was om te word nie. Nie tot een oggend in Desember. Hier, dan, is my getuienis.

When I woke early that December morning, I was up extra early since I had a lot to keep me busy. It wasn’t quite dawn when I went into my online banking and found that both our family and ministry accounts, again, were totally empty. I was online to pay bills, but with no money—that was not going to happen! That’s when the Lord spoke to me about cutting the price of the rest of prices in my online bookstore, and then giving a 50% discount to the RMI fellowship members (basically, it meant that it would simply be covering the cost of what I’d paid for them—which meant, I would be getting no profit at all).

Toe ek vroeg daardie Desember oggend wakker word, ek was vroeg op aangesien ek baie gehad het om my besig te hou. Dit was nog nie heeltemal dagbreek nie toe ek op my aanlyn bank gegaan het en gevind het dat beide ons familie en bediening rekeninge, weer, heeltemal leeg was. Ek was aanlyn om die rekening te betaal, maar met niks geld— sou dit nie gebeur het nie! Toe die Here met my praat oor om die res van die pryse in my aanlyn boekwinkel te sny, en dan ‘n 50% afslag aan die HMI bediening lidmate te gee (dit sou basies beteken, dat ek eenvoudig die koste van wat ek vir hulle betaal het sou dek—wat beteken het dat ek glad nie profyt sou maak nie). 

No matter how crazy it seemed, I simply thought, “What does it matter anyway since I am basically washed up, ruined?” So, I went ahead, following what the Lord said I needed to do. That same evening, I did another strange thing by answering emails. I never did that (and still don’t) since it makes me think too much at night and I can’t fall asleep. But that night I did, and that’s when I received an email that totally blew me away! Another dear, precious fellowship member of mine, who lives in Asia, wrote to tell me that she was sending a donation of more than fifteen thousand dollars! Read it again. In an instant, God was faithful all because He purposely stacked the odds against me and prompted me to do something ridiculous—give when I really had nothing at all to give. And when I simply obeyed, withholding nothing, He gave abundantly!!

Maak nie saak hoe gek dit gelyk het nie, ek het eenvoudig gedink, “Wat maak dit in elk geval saak aangesien ek baies uitgespoel was, geruineer? “ So, ek het voort gegaan, en gevolg wat die Here gesĂȘ het ek nodig gehad het om te doen. Dieselfde aand, het ek nog ‘n vreemde ding gedoen deur eposse te antwoord. Ek het dit nooit gedoen nie (en doen nog steeds nie) aangesien dit veroorsaak dat ek te veel in die aand dink en dan kan ek nie aan die slaap raak nie. Maar daardie aand het ek, en dit is toe ek ‘n epos ontvang het wat my totaal weggeblaas het! Nog ‘n liewe, kosbare bediening lidmaat van my, wie in Asia woon, het geskryf en vir my gesĂȘ dat sy ‘n donasie van meer as twee honderd en sestien dusiend rand gaan stuur! Ek het dit weer gelees. In ‘n oogwink, was God getrou alles omdat Hy doelbewus die kans teen my opgestapel het en my aangespoor het om iets belaglik te doen—om te gee wanneer ek regtig niks gehad het om te gee nie. En toe ek eenvoudig gehoorsaam het, en niks weerhou het nie, het Hy in oorvloed gegee!       

Dear bride, though you may be falling deeper and deeper into debt, God does have a plan and your Husband isn’t concerned one bit. Though whatever’s happening is nothing that you or I could figure out, we shouldn’t even try—not if we want His plan! Just be sure to never, ever seek anyone else’s help, not ever. Instead, simply wait on God, and be sure to wait even if He’s late. Then don’t be surprised when things really heat up and you’re asked to do something ridiculous.

Liewe bruid, alhoewel jy dieper en dieper in die skuld mag val, God het ‘n plan en jou Man is glad nie bekommerd nie. Alhoewel watookal gebeur niks is wat ek of jy kan uitpluis nie, ons moet nie eens probeer nie—nie as ons Sy plan wil hĂȘ nie! Wees net seker om nooit, ooit enigiemand anders se hulp te soek nie nie, nooit nie. In plaas daarvan, wag eenvoudig op God selfs al is Hy laat. Moet dan nie verras wees wanneer dinge regtig warm word en jy gevra word  om iets belaglik te doen nie.  

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing; so that also at the revelation of His glory [when He comes through for you], you may rejoice with exultation” (1 Peter 4:12).

“Geliefdes, moenie verbaas wees oor die vuurproef waaraan julle onderwerp word nie. Dit is nie iets vreemds wat met julle gebeur nie. Wees liewer bly hoe meer julle in die lyding van Christus deel, want dan sal julle ook oorloop van vreugde by sy wederkoms in heerlikheid” (1 Petrus 4:12).

Though I am in a far more serious situation today than I was even on that day, God has given me (and you) an amazing testimony of what He did not once, but twice. He gave this testimony to us in order for each of us to be ready to be set up for even greater things He wants to do in our lives.

Alhoewel ek in ‘n ver meer ernstige situasie vandag is as wat ek selfs op daardie dag was, God het vir my (en jou) ‘n ongelooflike getuienis van wat Hy gedoen het nie een keer, maar twee keer gegee. Hy het hierdie getuienis vir ons gegee sodat elkeen van ons gereed kan wees om opgestel te word vir selfs groter dinge wat Hy in ons lewens wil doen.  

He is our heavenly Husband, after all, the Man who overcame death, and debt, and every other evil of this world. Never forget His promise to us in John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

Hy is ons hemelse Man, na alles, die Man wie die dood oorkom het, en skuld, en elke ander bose van hierdie wĂȘreld. Moet nooit Sy belofte vir ons in Johannes 16:33 vergeet nie, “Dit sĂȘ Ek vir julle, sodat julle vrede kan vind in My. In die wĂȘreld sal julle dit moeilik hĂȘ; maar hou moed: Ek het die wĂȘreld klaar oorwin.”

Joernaal

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